Soldier
by ConstantSnow
Summary: Ichigo is a 22 year old soldier suffering from P.T.S.D. He's withdrawing from all his friends and family, vanishing for weeks at a time, fighting, drinking, and god knows what else. He's falling quickly, will Renji be able to save him? RenxIch
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: **This story will contain the following; sex between men, swearing, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, character death and other mature themes some may not find appropriate for young readers. This story is rather intense and may upset some readers. So if at anything you do not like the story, stop reading.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach or related characters and themes. More over this story is purely fan fiction.

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Ichigo sat there, staring at the small diamond necklace that hung on the handle of the apartment door. He knew from one glance it belonged to Rukia; a basket full of stuff, one of his guitars and a letter were also there. His name written in the beautiful cursive that belonged indubitable to her.

Ichigo took the necklace from the handle and wrapped it around his wrist, only took twice to keep it from sliding off, then picked up the letter.

Ichi

I'm sorry, but I can't do this any longer

You're always vanishing, and don't call,

for days, you never tell me where you're

going or for how long you'll be gone.

I've tried to stay by you, but you're not the

boy I fell in love with, you aren't my Ichigo.

I want to love you, to be with you forever, but

I'm only human, and I need someone who will

be with me forever, and not just vanish in the wind.

I'm sorry,

Good bye

Rukia

Ichigo swallowed and folded the note back up and picked the stuff up slowly and went into the dark apartment, he set the stuff down right next to the door and pulled his sweater off and tossed it on the floor.

His apartment felt emptier then normal, darker too, but just as lonely and it was if anything dirtier sense Rukia left. He had no desire to clean it, hadn't sense he got back from the war. Rukia had been the only thing that made this place bearable, but her ability to calm him was only one thing in the sea of fucked up shit flying around him at the moment.

The phone started ringing, and Ichigo stared at it. '_Hey, not here right now, y'know what to do,'_ *beep*

"Oi Ichigo.... It's Renji, man where are you I've been trying to get ahold of ya for days.... Anyways we've gotta talk, and yer really need to get into work, Urahara's loosing his patients for yer bull shit, just fucking call me already," *click*

Ichigo's apartment fell silent again and he sighed and walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, all the food was either bad, or didn't catch his appetite. So he just slammed the fridge closed and went into the bathroom.

Ichigo stripped revealing hundreds of fresh cuts and bruises, and got into the shower and washed quickly. He got out, dried off and put on a fresh pair of boxers and went to the bedroom.

'_Leave it to Rukia to make the bed before she leaves'_ Ichigo thought sitting heavily on the bed, then grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills and popped a few dry and laid back with a heavy sigh.

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Ichigo walked into the club where he worked around 5, an hour before it opened. He had black rings around his eyes, even with his sleeping pills, he didn't sleep well. He had nightmares about what he'd seen on the battlefield, and what he'd done on it.

"Oi, Ichigo,"

Ichigo looked up as he walked around the bar at the red headed dj that walked over to him. "Hey... Renji," He murmured.

"What the hell happened to you all last week man?" Renji asked "You can't just run off like that, yer scare people. Rukia thought you were dead,"

Ichigo shifted and ran his fingers though his hair.

"Hey... isn't that Rukia's?" Renji asked nodding at the necklace Ichigo had still wrapped around his wrist.

"She uh... gave it back to me," Ichigo said thumbing the diamond pendant slowly, staring at it with vacant eyes.

"What? Man Ichi, I'm so sorry," Renji said sitting down on a stool. Ichigo ran his tongue over the inside of his bottom lip and nodded tying his apron around his waist.

"It's my fault," Ichigo said.

"So you went off to the fight clubs again, I see," Renji said changing the subject. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm good at fighting," Ichigo said.

"You ever gonna tell me what happened?" Renji asked in a serious low tone. Ichigo cleaned his throat and looked down at the bar.

" .... No," Ichigo muttered.

"Why not? I've been you're best friend sense the first grade Ichi," Renji said.

"Because.... I'm not proud of what I did," Ichigo said

"No one is proud of what they did in that stupid war Ichi, I'm not," Renji said. "Ichi you were named a hero when we came back for christ sake,"

"There's nothing heroic about killing people Renji," Ichigo said closing his eyes, trying to get the faces of his marks to leave his mind, to stop haunting him.

"If it saves those close to you, then yea it is," Renji said and Ichigo glared at him. "Ichi.... you're shaking," Renji grabbed Ichigo's hand who only then realized he was shaking.

"...Fuck," Ichigo pulled away and stepped back against the wall, and slid down to the floor covering his head with his arms.

"Ichigo!" Renji jumped over the bar and knelt next to Ichigo, trying to pull his thin but muscluar arms away from his face. "Hey, hey it's aalright Ichi," Renji said, but Ichigo didn't budge, just stayed silently trembling on the floor. "What the hell happened to you Ichigo?" Renji whispered. He sat next to Ichigo, and they stayed silent for what seemed like forever.

"I was... doing my job.... right?" Ichigo finally asked and Renji looked down at him. "Assassinating all of those people.... I was just doing my job right?"

"Yea, you were, Ichi," Renji said wrapping his arm around Ichigo's shoulders. Ichigo shifted and leaned against Renji, who looked carefully against him. "Have you been using again Ichigo?" He reached over and ran his fingers over the track marks on Ichigo's left arm.

"Not for three weeks," Ichigo whispered. "I knew Rukia would kill me if sh-.... if she found out I picked a needle up again,"

"She's not the only one you idiot," Renji muttered. "You need to get home, you shouldn't be working," Renji stood pulling Ichigo up by his waist. Renji felt his heart sink, realizing just how thin Ichigo had gotten. "I'll take you home, my truck's out back, go get in, I'll tell Urahara,"

Ichigo didn't reply, just walked out, like a zombie, and vanished from Renji's sight.

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**End of Chapter 1**

This story is kinda depressing, but it was requested by a friend from school so I wrote it, and got good a good review so I figured I'd post it. It's kinda long, and is kinda slow for the first couple of chapters, but it does pick up, I promise.

Review and comment, thanks

ConstantSnow


	2. Chapter 2

Renji drove Ichigo back to his apartment, watching Ichigo from the corner of his eye. When they were younger, Renji remembered Ichigo was never afraid of anything, he never shook, never cried, never showed weakness, even when he got beat up. But now Ichigo was shaking hard, tears rand down his pale cheeks. Every time a car would drive past or they'd drive to close to a parked car, Ichigo would flinch and close his eyes tightly. Renji bit his bottom lip and sighed as he stopped in front of Ichigo's apartment building.

"Ichigo, we're here," Renji said quietly. Ichigo flinched and ran his fingers through his hair, then fumbled for the door handle and got out of the truck quickly, stumbling over nothing, Renji caught him, and Ichigo didn't move for a while, just stood pressed against Renji, shivering. Renji shifted and wrapped his arms around Ichigo for a moment then let go. " Come on, let's get inside," Renji said.

Ichigo pulled away and pulled his keys from his pocket, and walked towards his apartment, He fumbled with getting the key into the lock then went in, leaving the door open for Renji to close.

Renji looked around as Ichigo walked towards the kitchen. The living room was a mess, stuff was stuffed in the closet and was falling out. He glanced in the bedroom, it was surprisingly the only clean place in the entire apartment. Renji walked into the kitchen to see Ichigo pouring a large glass of hard vodka and Renji tried to take it away, but Ichigo slapped his hand away.

" At least... I'm not high. Let me drink please," Ichigo muttered.

"It's gonna kill ya if you keep drinking this hard," Renji said taking the bottle away. "The sun hasn't even fully set yet,"

"I don't think the sun cares if I'm drinking," Ichigo muttered and down the large glass and grimaced. " I need an out, this is one of them," Ichigo said walking into the living room. Renji followed him.

"Ichigo," Renji said watching Ichigo flop on the couch. " Can't you just see what you're doing to yourself?"

"I'm perfectly aware of my current condition," Ichigo said bitterly. " And to be completely honest with you, I'd rather be drunk off my ass in some shitty hotel, then staring at you at this moment," Ichigo said and stood, only to have Renji pushed him back on the couch.

"You're not fucking going anywhere," Renji hissed. "You're in no condition to go anywhere. At least if you drink yourself to death, there will be someone to mourn you,"

Ichigo looked up at Renji. " Sense when do you care? Why suddenly start caring for me? Damnit Renji I don't want you to suddenly think you've got to take in a fucking stray!"

"You're more then a stray Ichigo! You'll always be more then that to me. We've known each other almost our entire lives, when am I not going to care for you? You idiot, Ichigo, you're my best friend, and more important to me then anyone else I have ever known," Renji knelt on the couch next to Ichigo, and took Ichigo's chin and forced their eyes to meet. "Do you not understand that? It kills me to see you trying to kill yourself like this, the fighting the drugs the drinking. I don't know if I'm gonna see you walk into the club one day, or I'm gonna be reading about someone finding your body in an alley because you over dosed or got mixed up with the wrong crowd," Renji said "I can't loose my best friend that way,"

"So you just feel obligated because of friendship?" Ichigo asked.

"I feel more then just friendship for you Ichi, I have for a while, but I never got to confess, we got drafted, then after you got back, you were so broken nothing I seemed to say got through to you. I was afraid I was going to loose you Ichi, I'm still afraid that I'm going to loose you," Renji leaned down and pressed his lips to Ichigo's.

Ichigo melted against Renji's mouth, closing his eyes and letting Renji take over him completely. They laid back on the couch, Renji over Ichigo, their legs tangled together. Renji ran a hand down Ichigo's side and lifted his shirt slowly as he slipped his tongue over Ichigo's smooth lips and explored the warm mouth that he had craved for so long.

Ichigo moaned softly, as Renji's hand grazed over his nipple, tugging lightly on the barbell stud that was through it. Ichigo arched his back and leaned his head away, Renji exhaled slowly, his hot breath running down Ichigo's neck like fire, making Ichigo's mouth open in a silent moan. Renji leaned down again, licking down Ichigo's neck slowly, the ring in his tongue added a strangely pleasant sensation as he licked over Ichigo's nipple. Ichigo went to pull Renji's shirt off, but Renji pushed Ichigo's hands down on the arm rest.

"Ren?" Ichigo muttered.

" Just let me," Renji said from above Ichigo's naval. Ichigo shifted gripping the arm rest as Renji ran his tongue down to the top of Ichigo's pants. Renji pulled Ichigo's pants down slowly, his nails digging lightly into Ichigo's slender legs. Renji inhaled slowly and deeply and nipped at Ichigo's partial erection through his boxers. Ichigo moaned softly trying not to buck up. Renji kissed back up Ichigo's abs, to his chest and sucked softly on Ichigo's right nipple before licking up, and capturing Ichigo's pale lips with his own. Ichigo arched up, rubbing his groin against Renji's moaning into the kiss.

Renji reached down and pressed Ichigo's hips down and pulled away. " I hate slow," Ichigo said.

" You'll enjoy it," Renji promised kissing Ichigo's chin. Renji moved back down Ichigo's body placing small light kisses here and there, pulling down Ichigo's boxers and tossing them on the floor. Renji kissed the tip of Ichigo's erection, and Ichigo moaned. Renji smiled and leaned down, licking from the bottom of Ichigo's erection slowly to the top and Ichigo shivered.

"R-Ren," Ichigo moaned closing his eyes.

Renji didn't reply, just slowly slid his mouth around Ichigo's erection, and Ichigo let out a long low moan.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo had fallen asleep after he came and Renji cleaned him off, got him into clean boxers and pajama pants, and into his bed. When Renji walked back out into the messy living room he sighed. Renji wasn't a clean freak, but he wasn't a messy person either. But Ichigo's apartment, as nice as it was, looked like hell, and Renji couldn't stand it. So he started cleaning, picking up the dirty laundry and filling an already stuffed basket and taking it down to the laundry room. Renji stuffed the clothes into three washing machines and turned them on, and went back into Ichigo's apartment to start working more.

Around noon, Renji checked in on Ichigo, who was still sleeping peacefully. Then went into the living room and turned on Ichigo's stereo and sighed. Ichigo was probably the only one who's selection of music was more mixed then Renji's. But Renji didn't mind, he liked that Ichigo would be listening to something like Timberland and the next song on his Mp3 would be Slipknot. Renji shook his head and went into the kitchen and looked around for something to eat, but all the food was out dated, and growing, so Renji tossed it, and took the bag out to the dumpster. Renji went back inside and pulled on his hoodie, grabbed his keys, and the box full of Rukia's stuff and headed for his truck, hoping that Ichigo would still be asleep until he got back.

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Ichigo woke up, thankful that he'd actually gotten a full night sleep without a nightmare or flashback. Apparently Renji's got a magic mouth. Ichigo got out of bed, and went into the bathroom and showered quickly, got out, dried off, and pulled on boxers and a pair of baggie shorts. He walked out of his room and into the living room, to his confusion, it was cleaned and the room was actually light, the lamps in the corners behind the couch were on. Ichigo could also smell food cooking in the kitchen and walked towards it.

"Renji? What are you doing?" Ichigo asked.

Renji was sitting at the table. " The land lord stopped by, handed me a bunch of mail, said that the mail man couldn't fit any more mail into your box," Renji said looking up from the large stack of letters that were piled on the small round table.

Ichigo walked over quickly and grabbed a handful of letters and threw them into the garabage can. " You should've just tossed them," He muttered reaching for more letters. Renji grabbed his wrist.

" What the hell are you doing?" Renji asked. " You should read those. Some of them are from the families of soldiers that you pulled off the battle field, who's lives you saved. Ichigo, these people are trying to thank you,"

" I don't deserve to be thanked," Ichigo said pulling away. He took a letter and ripped it open. " This one, he didn't even make it," Ichigo tossed the letter art Renji. " Why thank me when all I did was pull their son's body off the front line? He died in my arms, under my command. I told him to go out there! I sent him into the line of fire and he died! I killed him!** I **did!" Ichigo grabbed another letter. " Here Private First Class James Tyler, he lost his sight, and will never walk again, because of me! He took a bullet in the spine for me! His family shouldn't be thanking me, because I got him to the medics!" Ichigo tossed the second letter at Renji. " I know every single family who sent me letters, know the names of the soldiers who's lives have been ruined because of me. I've got their faces burned into my mind forever. I don't deserve thanks, or the money that they send. And I sure as hell don't want checks from the damn government! I'm this fucked up because of them!" Ichigo yelled.

" Ichigo I-"

"I know you didn't know! No one knows," Ichigo snapped and walked from the kitchen grabbing a sweater from the closet and put on his shoes.

" Ichigo wait!" Renji tried to keep Ichigo from leaving, and Ichigo turned and punched him hard in the jaw. Renji stumbled back and Ichigo ran from the apartment. Renji chased after him, but Ichigo just ran faster, and was gone, before Renji could stop him.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo sat wrapping his fingers in black tape, then up to his hands, to his elbows. He didn't like the sight of blood on his hands, or near his body at all, it made him sick, he'd black out at it's sight, and when he'd wake up, whoever he was fighting, would be a bloody mess on the floor. It was an automatic biological trigger, post-war soldiers often had. At the sight of blood, they go from trained combat soldier to killing beast, just from having blood on their hands. Ichigo didn't want to put another guy in a coma, he didn't want to kill anyone either. So he covered his hands, doesn't mean it always worked.

" Alright, so Ichigo, your first fight is against a guy Grimmjow, from what I've heard, he's hot headed and heavy fisted, but not that you can't handle him," Ikkaku said and Ichigo looked up at him.

"I don't care about his name," Ichigo said pulling on a skin tight sleeveless black shirt.

" Come on Ichigo," Ikkaku said. " Show a little something,"

" It's just about the fight, nothing more. The names aren't important," Ichigo said

" You're thinking like a marine again, but you aren't a marine. You're a underground fighter now," Ikkaku said.

" It doesn't matter," Ichigo said rolling his shoulders. "As soon as the fights over, I'll never see them again, so what does it matter?" He raised an eyebrow and looked at Ikkaku. "Who are the '_fallers'?_" Ichigo asked.

"Orihime and Rangiku," Ikkaku said. "Your favs," He said.

Ichigo rolled his eyes and walked out of small room. Into the pool hall, filled with cheering people. The last fight was ending. " There's your next match, the blue haired guy kicking serious ass," Ikkaku said as Ichigo stopped at the edge of the empty sunken pool watching Grimmjow knock out the guy he was fighting. "You ready?"

Ichigo didn't answer, just jumped down into the pool as the knocked out guy was pulled out of the pool. The cheering got louder, and Ichigo heard his name being yelled.

"I've been waiting ta fight ya, ring master," Grimmjow said smirking.

"I'm honored," Ichigo said rolling his eyes as two large chested strawberry blond women walked into the pool from opposite sides.

" Alright boys," Orihime purred.

" We want a clean good fight," Rangiku said.

" So fight hard," Orihime said.

" And remember, we can stop the fight when ever we want," Rangiku said.

" Now," Orihime said stepping back.

" Fight!" Rangiku yelled jumping back.

Grimmjow lunged first, catching Ichigo hard against the jaw. Ichigo stumbled back shaking his head and lunged at Grimmjow, punching twice in the gut, followed by three hard knees to the side. Grimmjow grabbed Ichigo's hair and put his elbow to Ichigo's mouth. Ichigo stumbled back out of the hold and Grimmjow lunged again, swinging his leg out at Ichigo's head, Ichigo dodged with ease and grabbed Grimmjow's leg and twisted Grimmjow's ankle. Grimmjow gritted his teeth and pulled away. Grimmjow limped but kept fighting, swinging punches at Ichigo, landing a few, and Ichigo hit back, drawing blood, and then he felt it.

The blackout coming, threatening the edges of his vision and he shook his head and groaned putting a hand on his head. Grimmjow thought it was a sign of weakness, and foolishly lunged, only to have Ichigo snap and attack like an animal.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Renji was turning off his turntable, his head phones still wrapped around his neck, his mind was on other things.... one thing, Ichigo.

Ichigo had been gone for little over a week, Renji had spent every moment he had staying at Ichigo's apartment, hoping to hear the door opening, and Ichigo's light footsteps on the thick navy carpet. But every night for the past week, Renji had sat on the couch, waiting, until he fell asleep and got nothing but silence. He was going to go back, and do the same thing again. Renji wanted to be there when Ichigo came in the front door, to show that he really wasn't going to leave Ichigo alone, not now, not ever. He wasn't giving up, he wanted to be with Ichigo, now. Renji loved Ichigo for some strange insane reason, that Renji knew would get him hurt, but he'd learn to live with it, even if it killed him.

" Hey Renji, wanna quick drink?"

Renji looked up at the bartender, Shuuhie. " Yea, sure," Renji shrugged and Shuuhie brought two bottles of beer over, handing one to Renji who leaned back against the railing of the DJ's booth, and took a drink from his beer.

" So, wanna talk?" Shuuhie asked.

" Not really," Renji said.

"Relationship?" Shuuhie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not a relationship if you're the only one participating in it," Renji said quietly and took another drink.

" Huh?" Shuuhie leaned forward and raised his eyebrow higher. " Don't tell me, you're going messing around with Ichigo," He said. Renji looked away, and Shuuhie sighed heavily. " You know he's broken, I know he's broken, what the hell are you thinking?" Shuuhie asked.

" I can't help it," Renji said. "You know I've liked him sense freshman year, been crazy about him,"

" You should keep him in the 'friend zone' Renji. He's only gonna mess with you the way he messed with Rukia, and anyone else he's slept with," Shuuhie said. " He's not someone you should get into anything with besides a quickie,"

Renji glared at Shuuhie. " You didn't did you?" Renji asked.

"No," Shuuhie said. " I know people who have. And not a single one of them has been in a stable relationship sense," He said.

Renji shook his head and closed his eyes downing his drink. " I want him so badly. Broken or not, what ever he may be I want him. Sense then, nothing now is gonna change that,"

" Well he wasn't fucked up then. He was innocent and god could he sing," Shuuhie said shaking his head. "But you should just give up," Shuuhie said.

" I can't," Renji said. " Someone needs to save him, and I'm gonna be the one who does it,"

Shuuhie sighed. " You started out as the kid who brought home every stray animal you could find Renji, and now you're trying to save someone who doesn't want to be save," Shuuhie finished his beer.

"He needs to be saved though Shuuhie, his your friend as well," Renji said.

" I cut my ties with Ichigo. I can't have someone pulling me down, not after what I went through," Shuuhie said. "I want Ichigo to be alright, but I can't be around him, he's into shit, I can't be around without fucking up my life after I did everything I could to get as far away from it as I could," Shuuhie took Renji's empty bottle. "But you've always been the strongest one of us from school, so I can't think of anyone who can pull this magic trick off better then you," Shuuhie put his hand on Renji's shoulder briefly then walked back to the bar.

Renji finished shutting his equipment down and walked out side and looked up at the sky, streaks of oranges, pinks, and purples were in the blue. He watched a few rouge thick grey clouds float past and sighed heavily, it was going to be another long day. Renji walked to his truck, the thing was about to fall apart and he refused to sell it, even though he had the money. He got in and started the engine, and managed to get to Ichigo's apartment.

Renji went into Ichigo's apartment quietly, and noticed that the light was on in the bedroom, and he walked over to the door, it was cracked open, so he looked in, and gritted his teeth. Ichigo was sitting on the bed, trying off his arm. Renji gritted his teeth and pushed the door open hard, and it hit the wall hard, denting it. Ichigo looked up at Renji, dropping the needle he had in his left hand.

"W-what are you doing here?" Ichigo asked.

" Looking out for you," Renji said grabbing Ichigo and pulling him off the bed and thrust him against the wall.

" Ow, fuck... Don't do that, my ribs are broken," Ichigo said.

" That's the last thing you have to worry about," Renji grabbed the needle off the bed. "What the hell? I thought you stopped?!" Renji said.

" Well I started again," Ichigo said. " What the hell are you doing in my fucking apartment?" Ichigo asked grabbing for the needle, but Renji pulled it just out of Ichigo's reach. "Give me my shit back,"

" Like hell," Renji growled and tossed it on the ground and stepped on it with his boot.

"That was expensive stuff," Ichigo hissed.

Renji growled and punched Ichigo, making him stumbled back against the wall. " What the fuck is wrong with you Ichigo?! You know what the shit does to you," Renji growled.

" I don't care, what it does to me," Ichigo said. " I like not being able to think of anything, to feel anything," Ichigo pulled the band off his arm and pushed past Renji. " Fucking bastard," He hissed tossing the band on the floor. "I'm leaving," He said.

Renji slammed the bedroom door before Ichigo could leave. Ichigo flinched and put his hands out on the door and hung his head. " I've been waiting for you to come back," Renji said quietly moving closer to Ichigo's back.

" I didn't ask you to," Ichigo muttered.

" You prick, you don't have to ask me too, but I'm going to, I'm your closest friend, Ichigo. I'm not leaving you alone, not now," Renji said and Ichigo closed his eyes guiltily. "Can't you just let me help you? Stop all of this?"

" I can't just stop Renji," Ichigo said.

Renji forced Ichigo to turn, pushing his back against the door. Ichigo wouldn't look up. " Then stay with me, so I can stop you," Renji said putting his hands on the sides of Ichigo's slender neck. " Please, please don't do this to yourself anymore Ichigo," Renji said quietly.

" I'm just going to drag you under, like I did to myself," Ichigo said shaking his head.

" I'm stronger then you think," Renji said and Ichigo's body started to shake and he covered his head with his arms and started to sink to the ground, but Renji grabbed him tightly. "I can hold you up if you just let me Ichigo," Renji said quietly.

"K-Kan..." Ichigo's voice gave out and he reached out and grabbed Renji's shirt tightly. "...I'm sorry," He whispered. Renji pulled Ichigo against him and Ichigo cried silently, shaking. Ichigo's lips were moving, like he was talking, but no sound came from them, but shaking breathing

_**Flashback**************************_

_Ichigo was struggling. " Stop, I don't want to go back!" He cried._

_" Hush Ichigo," _

_" Please, I want to stay with you, please," Ichigo said digging his heels into the dirt._

_" You can't Ichigo, we're almost there," _

_" Come with me then," Ichigo pleaded and the man looked at him. "If you go back, they'll kill you and you know it, please,"_

_" My place is here, I will accept my punishment, but you have to promise me, you'll live fully, and happily for me. You'll fall in love again, and forget this terrible past," _

_" Your place is with me Kan-," Ichigo started, a hand brushed over his face and he closed his eyes and leaned against it. " Please, don't send me away,"_

_"You don't belong here Ichigo.... I'm sorry," The strong warm hand struck the back of his neck and he fell limp......_

_"Hey! We've got a survivor! He's an american!" _

_Ichigo's eyes snapped open and he looked up at the blond man leaning over him. He sat up quickly and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, a large rock._

_The blond put his hands up, "Hold on, just relax, we're friends," _

_"W-who are you?" Ichigo asked._

_" England, born and raised," he smiled showing the patch on his jacket shoulder. " Do you remember how you got here?" He asked._

_Ichigo swallowed and looked away. _

_"You don't have to say anything, we're gonna get you home, The blond put his hand on Ichigo's shoulder only to have Ichigo flinch and pulled away quickly, scooting back a few feet on the ground. " Hey, hey it's okay," _

_**********************End**_

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Renji sighed running his fingers through his hair, and walked into the bedroom where Ichigo was sleeping, tossing and turning. Renji walked over to the bed and sat down. He leaned over Ichigo. " It's alright, Ichi, shh, shh," Renji whispered rubbing Ichigo's shoulder softly. " Shh shh," Renji murmured hoping Ichigo would calm, but Ichigo didn't.

Ichigo grimaced in his sleep, and rolled over, facing Renji. Renji smiled softly, '_He sleeps just like a little kid,'_ Renji brushed Ichigo's hair from his face and sighed. '_Why do I have to love you?'_

Renji got up slowly and went out to the couch and laid down putting his hands behind his head and groaned rubbing his head against the arm rest. Renji closed his eyes tightly and fell asleep.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo woke up screaming, sitting bold upright and Renji rushed in and tried to grab his thrashing limps. "Oi! Ichigo calm down! Your safe," Renji yelled finally calming Ichigo down enough. Ichigo gripped Renji's shirt tightly moving tightly against Renji's body, trembling. " It's alright Ichigo," He muttered.

"Ren?" Ichigo whispered after half an hour of silence. " Why are you here?" He pulled away and looked up at Renji, his eyes were slightly vacant.

"I've been staying here," Renji said quietly. "Are you alright?" Renji asked putting his hand to Ichigo's forehead. "You've got a fever,"

" I'm starving," Ichigo muttered rubbing his eyes.

" Are you okay?" Renji asked as Ichigo got out of bed.

" Yea why wouldn't I be?" Ichigo asked confused. "Hey you wanna go to Royals' diner?" Ichigo asked.

" I haven't gotten any sleep," Renji said rubbing the back of his neck.

" Well I'm hungry," Ichigo said pulling on a long sleeve shirt. "So I'm going to get some food,"

" I'll go with you," Renji said with a heavy sigh.

" Great," Ichigo grinned.

***************************************************************************************************************************

Renji sat across from Ichigo in the booth, watching the orange haired man laughing, confused at how his emotions had just changed so quickly, but then again, Renji was confused about a lot of things regarding his friend at this moment.

Renji had had feelings for Ichigo a while before this, but they were just a simple crush, nothing serious, but now.... Now Renji wanted to be Ichigo's everything, and hope that Ichigo would return feelings for Renji just as strongly.

"Oi, you're spacing out, what's up?" Ichigo asked leaning forward.

" Are you sure you're okay?" Renji asked.

A look of confusion formed on Ichigo's face, then he laughed. " I'm fine," He said grinning. "Can you believe it though Renji?"

"Believe what?" Renji asked.

" We're shipping out in three days," Ichigo said. " Man it's gonna be crazy,"

" Ichi? What are you talking about? The war's over, it has been for two years now," Renji said and Ichigo looked at him.

" What? We just got done with basic," Ichigo said.

"No, Ichi," Renji said heavily. "Do you forget stuff often Ichi?" Renji asked reaching for Ichigo's hand, only to have Ichigo pull away.

" What the hell are you doin?" Ichigo asked. " I may be bi, but I don't cheat, I'm with Rukia," Ichigo said.

"Ichigo, you've gotta remember," Renji said. " Rukia left a couple of weeks ago. So you ran off and were fighting again. Last night I caught you trying to shoot up, and you flipped out,"

Ichigo shook his head. "I don't remember any of it," Ichigo admitted. "I just remember.... Who's apartment were we in?" Ichigo looked up at Renji.

" It's yours Ichi," Renji said.

"I can't afford a place that nice, I mean come on, I'm working at that crappy ware house down town, stackin' boxes," Ichigo laughed nervously, then placed his hand on his head and grimaced.

"Ichi?" Renji leaned over the table.

" Don't," Ichigo said pulling back. "J-just... let me be," Ichigo's voice was shaking.

"Ichigo," Renji said.

"I have black outs, and memory loss, just h-hold on," Ichigo closed his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth. "I'll remember s-soon,"

"We should get you home," Renji tossed a few bills on the table then got up, pulling Ichigo up as well. "Come on," He wrapped Ichigo's arm around his shoulders and lead him from the diner. " Are you still with me Ichigo?" Renji asked and Ichigo flinched.

"Shuuhie?" Ichigo muttered and Renji looked down at him.

" No it's me Renji," Renji said lifting Ichigo up into Renji's truck carefully and Ichigo looked at him.

" It is you, Renji," Ichigo smiled softly. " Man I'm glad to see you, it's been ages," Ichigo said and pain shot across Renji's face, and his chest tightened, seeing Ichigo trembling.

"I'm glad to see you too, Ichigo," Renji said. " I'm taking you home alright?" Renji said and Ichigo nodded.

" I'm glad to be going home," Ichigo leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.

Renji closed the passenger door carefully then rushed around to the other side of his truck and got in. Starting the engine, then glanced at Ichigo who had fallen asleep. Renji bit his bottom lip then drove from the parking spot. He was tempted to drive to the hospital, but at the same time, didn't want to, because he knew Isshin, Ichigo's father worked there, and Isshin didn't need to see his son like this.

Renji pulled as close to the front of the apartment as he could then picked Ichigo out of the truck, '_God are you thin Ichi'_ Renji thought caring Ichigo inside, and laid him on the large bed carefully, then turned to leave.

" S-stay," Ichigo muttered and Renji looked at him. Ichigo's eyes were half closed, and had that same vacant look in them as earlier.

"Alright," Renji said moving to the other side of the bed, and sat down slowly, afraid that if he moved to quickly, that Ichigo would run. So Renji leaned back against the headboard and pillows and Ichigo moved closer slowly, resting his head on Renji's abs. Renji tried to relax, but his mind was racing, his heart was racing from the contact, and his heart was aching with every emotion ever related to love; lust, rage, passion, sorrow, compassion, hate, confusion, understanding, and a million others. His head throbbed with questions; _What should I do? Should I call Isshin? Take Ichigo to the hospital?_ and so many others.

But Renji didn't act, he couldn't bring himself to disturb Ichigo who had fallen so quickly into sleep against Renji's body, thankful for the heat and feeling of another so close to him, it comforted Ichigo in his sleep, a large person, he thought could protect him from the nightmares at the back of his mind, the flashbacks taunting him, the sound of crying voices, gun fire.... muffled in the darkest corners of his mind.

Renji ran his fingers slowly through the messy orange hair absently, it was soft, even matted, and Renji closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. Ichigo still smelled like drugs, but underneath it all, Renji could still pick up Ichigo's sweet scent, which was surprisingly the same as the red berry he was named after, strawberry. Renji sighed and fell asleep, resting his arms loosely around Ichigo.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo untangled himself from Renji's arms carefully, so he didn't wake Renji and managed to get into the bathroom, and to the toilet before his stomach heaved and he threw up. Ichigo sank down to his knees slowly, his body trembling, he scratched at his right arm and groaned. He was fixing, he needed a fix, so badly it hurt. But he didn't want to use after what happened the night before when Renji caught him. Plus Ichigo had used up all his allowance from Ikkaku from the fights he'd won. But god his arm itched, his head throbbed, he knew the ache in his stomach wouldn't ease up until he shot up again.

Ichigo flushed the toilet then went to the sink and washed his face slowly.

"Hey... why don't you shower, you'll feel better,"

Ichigo looked up, seeing Renji leaning against the door frame, his eyes still lidded heavily from sleep, his long red hair had fallen out of the rubber band in his sleep, and stuck to his face. Ichigo looked down, blushing.

"I know withdrawal is hard Ichi, but you can get through this, I'm gonna be with you," Renji said stepping into the bathroom and took Ichigo's hand. Ichigo looked up at Renji. "You'll make it," Renji said then pressed his lips to the side of Ichigo's head. "Get in the shower, I'll make somethin' light to eat," Renji pulled away and closed the bathroom door. Ichigo shook his head and pulled his shirt off, then turned on the showers hot water to start to warm as he pulled off the rest of his clothes. He didn't remember the last time he had a shower. He knows he did after his fights, but that was over a week ago now, he had stayed at a hotel for a few days, but was so high, he didn't remember if he practiced basic hygiene at all or not.

Ichigo got into the shower and reached for a bottle of body wash, but realized it wasn't his, so he looked at it.... '_Must be Renji's'_ Ichigo thought opening it anyways and squeezed some onto his hand and smelled it. '_Yea, definitely Renji's,'_ Ichigo smiled, he liked the way Renji smelled, always had, it was stupid too, but Ichigo couldn't get enough of it. He felt kinda stupid thinking about it, but shook his head and ignored it.

**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

**End of Chapter 2**

So here we go, I've started over, a lot of it is still going to be the same, but I've also added scenes removed a lot of them, and so I hope those of you who liked the story before, aren't to mad that I decided to rewrite the story so soon after publishing it. So here, you go, Chapter 2 finished, and I've got a lot more to work on, and I need to sleep, but I'm a insomniac so I just can't sleep sometimes, so here I am, sick , finishing this chapter.

Enjoy, Comment and Review

ConstantSnow


	3. Chapter 3

Ichigo walked into the kitchen, scratching his right arm, the inside of his elbow, at the track marks that were turning blue. Renji smiled looking at Ichigo.

" You look good, cleaned up," Renji said chuckling.

"You're being stupid," Ichigo muttered blushing.

" No, I'm not," Renji said setting a bowl on the table for Ichigo. " When you're clean, you look nice,"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow sitting down carefully. "You are so weird," Ichigo said quietly picking up his spoon.

Renji chuckled again sitting across from Ichigo. "It's because your hair...." Renji said quietly and Ichigo looked up at Ichigo, his spoon still in his mouth.

"What?" Ichigo asked.

"Your hair... it sticks to your face," Renji said quietly.

Ichigo reached up and ran his fingers through his hair and looked down at his soup. " Renji... I know, that I've been a little, well a lot crazy. And everything, but I wanted to say thanks," Ichigo said

Renji smiled. " You don't have to thank me, I'd do it all over again," Renji said. "And I'm not gonna leave, even when your over all this," Renji reached over the table and slowly moved his hand under Ichigo's and wrapped his fingers around Ichigo's hand. "You're stuck with me,"

" Renji," Ichigo muttered and closed his eyes, squeezing Renji's hand. "Thank you,"

Renji stood slowly and leaned over the table and kissed Ichigo's forehead softly. " I love you," Renji whispered pulling his lips away and looked at Ichigo. "Why are you cryin'?" Renji asked wiping Ichigo's cheek softly. " There's nothing to be sad about," He said rubbing Ichigo's cheek.

" I-I don't... Renji," Ichigo gripped Renji hand tightly.

" You don't what Ichi?" Renji asked moving around the table and knelt down in front of Ichigo. " You need someone strong enough to hold you up, and it's gonna be me," Renji said.

"W-why?" Ichigo asked looking down at Renji. " I'm just gonna hurt you, like I did with Rukia, and everybody else," Ichigo hung his head. "I-I can't do that... not to you Ren," Ichigo sobbed and Renji tightened his grip on Ichigo's hand, and cupped his face with the other. Ichigo opened his eyes and looked at Renji who smiled and pressed his lips to Ichigo's softly.

" You ain't gonna hurt me," Renji whispered pulling Ichigo down carefully against him. " You ain't gonna hurt me Ichi," Renji wrapped his arms around Ichigo carefully and Ichigo gritted his teeth and put his head under Renji's chin and wrapped his arms around Renji's head tightly. " Don't worry Ichigo, it's alright," He said.

"R-Renji," Ichigo muttered.

"Don't worry about it," Renji said wrapping his arm tightly around Ichigo, not wanting to let go of Ichigo's hand to wrap his other arm around Ichigo. Ichigo shivered. "You're gonna get through this," Renji whispered.

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Renji put Ichigo back to bed, then put the left over food in the fridge. Once everything was quiet Renji leaned against the wall just outside Ichigo's room and sighed heavily. He knew Ichigo was only so dependent because he was in withdrawal, but the feeling of Ichigo clinging to him so tightly, it was part of what Renji wanted, it was a relationship, at a part of a relationship anyways. If Renji and Ichigo could just get through the drugs and the other shit, they'd be able to have a good stable relationship.

Renji closed his eyes and sighed heavily looking at his watch. He had work tonight, but he didn't wanna go, he didn't want to leave Ichigo, afraid that when he came back that Ichigo would be gone again. But he had to work, Renji went into the kitchen, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and quickly scribbled a note.

Ichi

Gotta work, be home 6

food in the fridge, I'll be back.

Don't leave

Renji

Renji taped the note to the mirror in the bathroom and grabbed his jacket and rushed out.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo woke and looked at the clock it was late, nearing midnight. He got out of bed slowly and looked around the apartment was dark and his hands started shaking.

"Renji?" Ichigo muttered going into the kitchen. Nothing...

Ichigo bit his bottom lip and started scratching his right arm again and went back into his room. He felt panicked. He felt the walls start to close in on him. Phantom sounds; gun fire, screaming, explosion. Ichigo dropped down to his hands and knees and gritted his teeth. "Renji," Ichigo muttered moving towards the bathroom. He turned the light off, and moved into the corner, pushing the door closed with his foot, before pulling his knees to his chest and covered his head with his arms.

_**Flashback**************************_

_"Incoming!" A voice cried and Renji pulled Ichigo down covering him with his own body._

_Ichigo gritted his teeth feeling the ground shake. "Renji?" Ichigo felt something warm on his chest and reached out and touched Renji's side. "Renji?!" Ichigo rolled over carefully, and pushed himself off Renji._

_"Ya.... alrigh'?" Renji asked grimacing._

_" I'm fine you idiot," Ichigo muttered looking over Renji's chest, seeing the piece of metal sticking from just below Renji's vest. "You're hit," Ichigo looked around._

_" Doesn't hurt," Renji said._

_" Be quiet," Ichigo said putting his hands over the wound carefully. "Shuuhie!" Ichigo screamed._

_" What?!" Was the reply somewhere in the darkness._

_" Call the medics! Renji got hit!" Ichigo said._

_Ichigo looked down at Renji who was panting slightly and bit his bottom lip. " Jus-just hold on 'kay?"_

_" I'm gonna be fine," Renji assured. "Keep your eyes out, those bastards are still out there," Renji tried to sit up, but Ichigo forced him back down._

_"Don't be a hero," Ichigo said and flinched as another grenade exploded close by. " That's what they said in basic, don't be a fucking hero Renji, and that's the first think you fucking do," _

_Renji smiled, revealing blood in his mouth. " You're such a baby, you wouldn't be able to handle getting hit," Renji said._

_" Shut up," Ichigo said._

_" Pick up your gun stupid, keep your post," Renji said pulling his sidearm. _

_"If I-I move my hands you could bleed out," Ichigo said and Renji put his hand on his side over Ichigo's._

_"I can hold pressure, now pick up yer damn gun, private," Renji said, Ichigo pulled away and swung his rifle that was strapped to his back. "Get to Shuuhie, he's got the radio, he needs to be protected, if we loose our radio operator, we stuck here,"_

_"I can't leave you Renji," Ichigo said and Renji raised a tattooed eyebrow._

_" Are you disobeying an order from a superior officer Ichigo?" Renji asked. " Do what I say, I can take care of myself until back up gets here, just help me sit up damnit," _

_Ichigo helped Renji sit up and Renji patted Ichigo's shoulder. " You'd better be here when I get back with Shuuhie, captain," _

_"You ain't getting rid of me that easily Ichi," Renji grinned. " Go," _

_Ichigo nodded and took off, staying low, and headed towards Shuuhie, trying to keep from running back to Renji, where more gun fire seemed to be coming from then anywhere else around Ichigo._

_*****************************End**_

Ichigo jolted hearing the bathroom door open and looked up. Renji was standing there, relief on his face.

" I thought you ran off," Renji said walking over and kneeling down next to Ichigo.

Ichigo just stared at Renji then reached out slowly and touched his side. " I remembered, when you got hit," Ichigo muttered lifting Renji's shirt slowly showing the long wide jagged scar just below Renji's ribs on his left side. Renji closed his eyes as Ichigo's cold fingers ran over the sensitive area. "I was so afraid that you wouldn't be breathing when I got back to you," Ichigo leaned forward, his face barely an inch away. "You got this because I was to afraid to move. We had been out for three months, and you never got scared when we were under gunfire, and could react like it was just training, but I would freeze up," Ichigo traced the outside of the scar and Renji put his hand out on the wall above Ichigo. "After you were taken out, I was so scared, every day I waited to get a letter from the hospital saying you hadn't made it, but nothing... two more months. Then we were under heavy gun fire again, and I realized you weren't there to protect me, or to yell at me, tell me what to do, so I think something snapped, I did everything I was supposed to, I didn't hesitate. I became a better soldier because of this wound you got... because of me," Ichigo looked up at Renji, who noticed Ichigo's breath wasn't on his chest, and he opened his eyes, looking down at Ichigo.

" I got this wound because I wanted to protect you," Renji said. " I would've died for you that day if I needed you Ichi,"

Tears slid down Ichigo's face and he pulled away, backing into the corner more. " Even after I got injured, and I saw you, I couldn't forgive myself. You liked being a marine, it was one place you felt like you had a family for the first time ever. I took that away from you, Renji, I'm sorry," Ichigo covered his head and bit his lip.

" This ain't yer fault damnit Ichigo. This is my own doing, I jumped and took the blast, I acted on my own, because I wanted to," Renji said grabbing Ichigo's arms, but Ichigo still wouldn't look at Renji. "The things that happened in the war, to me isn't your fault. You didn't throw that grenade, you saved my life, if you hadn't done what you did that night, I wouldn't be here," Renji said.

" Neither would I," Ichigo admitted. Renji dropped Ichigo's arms and sat on the floor slowly.

"Ichi..." Renji muttered.

" I've held a gun... right to my temple," Ichigo whispered putting his index and middle fingers to his right temple. " And I cocked it..... but a face and a voice pop into my head, and I stop. But it's not Rukia, it's not my dad, or my sisters'.... It's yours. You're the only reason I've lived this long, a-and it's because you took that hit for me, you almost died to keep me breathing... and to just ki-kill myself after that would b-be like spitting in your face," Ichigo's hand fell limply to his side. "I know w-with what I'm doing to myself now.... isn't any better, but I.... I can't help it," Ichigo looked at Renji. " I'm sorry, Ren, I'm so fucking sorry," He said

Renji moved over and pulled Ichigo against him. " Don't say anymore," Renji whispered wrapping his arms tightly around Ichigo. " Don't say anymore," He whispered putting his head over Ichigo's.

The two sat against the shower door silently, holding onto each other, afraid to let go; Renji was afraid that Ichigo would try to run off, and this time he wouldn't come back. Ichigo was afraid that if he let go, that Renji would turn his back, and never look back, and Ichigo's broken world would shatter and there would be no pieces to put back together.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Renji didn't get any sleep, he waited until Ichigo had fallen asleep, then put Ichigo into bed, now Renji was sitting in the kitchen with a phone in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and a large cup of black coffee sitting in front of him. Isshin's work number was already dialed in, all Renji had to do was push the call button, and it'd start ringing. The ashtray was already full of ashes and butts, the empty pack was next to it and Renji sighed heavily, exhaling the smoke from his lungs He pushed the call button, and put the phone to his ear and waited.

"_Kurosaki_,"

"Hello Mr. Kurosaki," Renji muttered.

"_Renji? This is quite the surprise, how are you doing? Your side alright?"_ Isshin asked.

"Yea I'm fine," Renji said and cleared his throat. "I was wondering if we could maybe meet for coffee during your break, I need to talk to you,"

"_You know I've always got time for you Renji,"_ Isshin said. "_My break's at 5:20, why don't you stop by the hosptial, we'll go to the diner across from the hospital,"_

"Alright," Renji said. " I'll be there,"

"_See you soon,"_

Renji hung up the phone and looked at his watch, 4:49. It took thirty-five minutes to get there, and Renji wanted to stop and get a pack of cigarettes. So he got up and went into Ichigo's room and knelt on the bed carefully.

" Hey Ichi, wake up for a moment," Renji said softly, shaking Ichigo's shoulder.

Ichigo groaned and reached up rubbing his eyes. " Ren? What is it?" Ichigo asked.

" I'm gonna run out for a little bit okay?" Renji said quietly brushing Ichigo's hair back.

" Okay," Ichigo murmured. " Why?"

" I need to pick some stuff up from my flat," Renji lied.

" Okay," Ichigo smiled softly. "I'm glad your moving in," He whispered.

" Yea, me too," Renji said and kissed Ichigo's forehead. " Go back to sleep, I'll make dinner when I come back," He said

"Okay," Ichigo said.

Renji shifted and kissed Ichigo's cheek then left grabbing his jacket, keys, wallet and put on his boots,

Renji drove to the hospital and parked, and walked to the front where Isshin was waiting for him. " Hey Renji, you're looking good, I see that you've added onto that design sense Christmas when I saw you last," Isshin smiled as they walked across the street. " You haven't gotten rid of that piece of junk truck either,"

" I can't get rid of it," Renji said with a sigh. " And yea, I did add to my tattoo,"

Isshin opened the door and let Renji in first. " I have to admit I'm surprised that you called me Renji, and I'm curious to the reason as well," Isshin said as they took their place at the farthest booth.

"Yea, I didn't know if it was a good idea or not, but I didn't know where else to turn," Renji said and nodded at the waitress who poured coffee into his cup.

"Are you in some kinda trouble?" Isshin asked. " You know you're like a son to me Renji, if you need anything, all you have to do is ask," Isshin said.

".... I'm not in trouble," Renji said pulling the pack of cigarettes from his jacket's chest pocket and tapped it against the table.

" But something's wrong," Isshin said and Renji nodded putting a cigarette between his lips. " Care to tell me what it is?" Isshin asked as Renji light the end of the cigarette then took a long drag.

"Ichigo," Renji said quietly and Isshin's eyes got wide.

" Do you know where he is? Is Ichigo okay?" Isshin asked.

"Ichigo is.... He's alive, but he's not okay," Renji ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Isshin, I don't know when the last time you saw Ichigo was, or what he was like when you did, but he's not the same any more," Renji took another drag from his cigarette. " I've been living with him for a few days... maybe a week, it's hard to keep track of time and take care of him,"

" What's wrong with him?" Isshin asked. " Where is he Renji?"

"He's at his place," Renji swallowed. " He's been having flash backs, he's loosing his memory," Renji looked away. " I caught him with drugs, and he was fighting again,"

" Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Isshin asked.

" Because I didn't want you to see Ichigo like this, and I was afraid.... that he'd run off if he saw you," Renji said looking down into the blackness of his coffee. " He's really bad Isshin, really really bad, I'm afraid he's gonna end up dead if we don't get him some help, but at the same time, if we try and force him, he's gonna just.... he won't come back,"

Isshin didn't answer, just stood slowly and walked out. Renji closed his eyes and put his forehead against his hand.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Ichigo woke around 6 and got out of bed, he remembered Renji saying he'd be gone, so Ichigo wasn't worried, he walked into the living room and sat on the couch, pulling his knees to his chest, and turned on the t.v.

He was still exhausted, and was starting to doze off, when there was a knock on his door.

Ichigo rubbed his eyes, stumbling towards the door and opened it. " Lock your self-" Ichigo looked up and froze. "... D-dad what are you doing here?" Ichigo quickly folded his arms, to hide his track marks and looked down.

" Where have you been, I've been worried sick, you haven't called, or anything for over a year and a half," Isshin grabbed Ichigo's arms tightly and walked into the apartment. " God, I've been afraid you were dead,"

" I-I'm sorry," Ichigo said shaking. " I-I d-didn't want you to s-see me like this," Ichigo felt tears stream down his face.

" Why didn't you come to me for help?" Isshin asked. " God you look terrible, Renji did-"

"Renji?!" Ichigo looked up at Isshin. " Renji told you I was here?"

" Yes, he came to me at the hospital," Isshin said and Ichigo pushed him back.

Ichigo ran from the apartment, just as Renji pulled into the parking lot.

" Ichigo!" Renji called stumbling out of hist truck.

Ichigo stopped and spun around to look at Renji. Renji stepped towards him, and Ichigo took off, and Renji gritted his teeth.

" Damnit,"

*********************************************************************************************************************************

**End of Chapter 3**

Thanks for reading, I hope you've enjoyed the chapters so far, and that those of you who read the orignal aren't to disappointed at the rewritten form so far, it's taking longer then before I know, and I promise it'll be worth it. I'm working hard to get this done right this time. Thanks again, please leave your reviews and any comment that you have, as well as any questions.

I know Isshin, is Oc, but for this story right now, he's kinda gotta be.

And yes, when Ichigo and Renji first joined the Marines Renji outranked Ichigo, but after the injury, Ichigo outranked Renji.

Wow this chapter is shorted compared to the last one by over 2000 words, but o well.

ConstantSnow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning!!:**This chapter will contain a lot of things some readers may find highly disturbing, I apologize but this story is rated ** M** for a reason. And I did post a warning at the beginning of this story saying there would be mature themes. I'm reminding readers of that and I hope I do not offend anyone. Remember this story is purely fan fiction and isn't based on real life people and isn't related to the Manga/Anime Bleach.

Thank you.

Enjoy

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Ichigo pounded on the door of a shitty apartment down town, shivering and soaking wet from the rain. "Ikkaku! Open the damn door!" Ichigo yelled pounding on it again.

THe door opened and Ikkaku looked at Ichigo. "Welcome back," He said letting Ichigo in.

"I need some," Ichigo said scratching his arm.

Ikkaku sighed walking over to his fridge. " You have to fight first y'know that," Ikkaku said. " And we don't have anyone wanting to fight, not even a noob,"

"You know I'm good for it Ikkaku," Ichigo said. " Please,"

Ikkaku raised an eyebrow then nodded. "I take it something messed with your head again," Ikkaku said walking into his bedroom and Ichigo followed him.

" Doesn't matter," Ichigo said.

"True," Ikkaku said, tossing a small bag to Ichigo. "Its pretty pure so be careful," He warned.

Ichigo nodded. "I'll be in the same place," He muttered and walked out slipping the small bag into his pocket and walked out, heading down the block. Ikkaku watched him from the door and frowned.

"What's wrong?" Rangiku asked coming from the other bedroom.

"I'm worried we might loose an asset," Ikkaku said rubbing his chin. "I think we need to send a fighter with a message about what our ring master is expected to do," Ikkaku said.

" Me and Orihime would be happy to," Rangiku said. "After all we've got a score to settle with our little boy," She chuckled.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Isshin didn't waste any time, he went to the police station and filed missing persons. Isshin was still bitter with Renji, but insisted that Renji come over for dinner.

Yuzu came into the living room after dinner, with coffee. "Dad, Renji, no smoking in the house!" She cried.

"Sorry Yuzu," Renji put out the remains of his cigarette and set it in the ashtray with a heavy sigh.

"Yuzu, go finish your homework," Isshin said.

Yuzu frowned, but nodded and headed up the stairs. Isshin looked up, waiting until he heard the door close to Yuzu's room before he spoke. "I need you to tell me everything you can about Ichigo's condition," Isshin said leaning back in his seat.

Renji swallowed leaning forward, his forearms against his thighs, hands pressed flat together. "Well, he's been having nightmares. Every time I got him to go to sleep, he'd toss and turn, he spoke a different language, I think he picked it up when he was POW, but I'm not sure, he's having flashbacks, and he's scared or guilty when he comes back too. Ichigo has lapses in his memory, and I think he might be hearing or seeing things," Renji rubbed his mouth and hung his head. " I thought... I thought I'd be able to help him, on my own.... I've known Ichigo so long, I thought I could help him," Renji closed his eyes. " I'm sorry Isshin,"

"It's okay Renji," Isshin said. " I doubt I could've done any better,"

They sat in silence for a long while, the grandfather clock in the corner rang out twelve deep chimes and Renji cleared his throat. "I have to work," He said standing slowly. " Call me if they find him," He added and Isshin nodded.

Renji didn't want to be at the club, it was the last place he wanted to be. But Renji couldn't bring himself to go into Ichigo's apartment, and Renji had been kicked out of his flat for late rent, so all of his stuff was at Ichigo's, but he didn't want to go there, he couldn't stand the silence.

Renji parked in his usual spot and walked in the back of the club, and punched in.

" Renji, come here, I want a word," Urahara yelled and Renji looked at him.

"My shift's starting in ten minutes," Renji said.

" I don't care," Urahara yelled and Renji sighed following Urahara into his office.

" Are you firing me?" Renji asked as Urahara closed the door.

"You're my best dj, of course not," Urahara said. " I wanted to talk to you, Marine to Marine," Urahara's voice took on a serious tone, and Renji looked at him.

"What is it?" Renji asked.

" It's about Ichigo," Urahara said. "When he was released from military active duty I was put in charge as his keeper,"

"Hell of a job," Renji spat bitterly.

"I thought at first that Ichigo would recover on his own, but apparently there were things he didn't say durning his evaluation," Urahara said

"Imagine that, a marine who won't show signs of needing help," Renji said leaning back against the wall.

"Renji," Urahara sighed. "I need you to tell me about how Ichigo is. If I know his behavior, I can track him, and get him help, before he does something regrettable,"

"All you care about is getting your weapon back," Renji said. " The war may be over, but some of the generals from over there survived and you want them dead, who better then someone who can do what Ichigo can? I'm not stupid, you don't give a shit about Ichigo's well being," Renji said. "I'm gonna find Ichigo, without your help," Renji said.

"Renji, think within reason," Urahara said.

" I am, people who are just as fucked up by 'honor' like you are the reason Ichigo's like this. He shouldn't have put back on the front line after he got wounded, but you saw 'potential' and that Ichigo should be put back on the battlefield. Doesn't matter that he was only 17 when he enlisted," Renji spat. "Fuck you Urahara, I'm not helping any of you fucks get Ichigo, so you can kill him,"

" Renji!" Urahara said.

" Fuck you! I quit!" Renji snapped and stormed out and into his truck.

Renji didn't know where he was driving, he was just driving to try and clear his head, his gas tank was running on empty, and he only had twenty bucks in his wallet, he sighed pulling into a gas station and turned his truck off, and got out. While he was waiting for the meter on the gas pump to read 15, he ran his hand over his head and leaned against the side of his truck bed. Renji was still reeling, his heart still racing and his head still throbbing from listening to Urahara's bullshit story about wanting to get Ichigo help. Renji had watched the news, seen that three high ranking members from the other side's military were still at large, and sense they were war criminals here, they were wanted for trial. Sense Ichigo was the best at getting people from point A to point B who didn't want to be moved.... Renji laughed, that's what the government had told him Ichigo was doing when he had asked once. It was only obvious that they'd want Ichigo to go after these guys.

The gas pump clicked and Renji pulled the nozzle from his truck and capped off the tank. He went inside and paid then walked out.

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Ichigo sat in the shitty dark apartment, his eyes dulled, knees to his chest, arms held tightly between his knees and his head nuzzled in the nook of his arms, his hands tangled in his hair. He was talking to someone, who wasn't there, tears streaming down his cheeks. Ichigo's body trembled and he seemed to be pleading in the language, it sounded German, but had hints of another language laced in it.

_**Flashback****************************_

_"Ichigo,"_

_Ichigo had his head resting in the lap of a dark skinned man who had dark braided hair to his shoulders, and who's white blind eyes were covered by sunglasses that were black and the lens were dark blue._

_"What is it Kaname?" Ichigo muttered looking up at the man's gentle face._

_"Why have you opened your heart to me? I am.... your enemy," Kaname said and Ichigo sat up slowly, the chain on his wrists and ankles clinking softly and he bit his lip._

_" I-I don't know," Ichigo admitted._

_Kaname sighed and stood slowly, and Ichigo's chest grew tight. " I will only end up hurting you," Kaname said. " at first, I took your weakness to my advantage, and tried to break you into joining my side, but now, I cannot bring myself to do this," Kaname put his hand on Ichigo's shoulder, preventing Ichigo from standing from the window seat._

_" Kaname, please," Ichigo muttered. "You're all I have here,"_

_"We shouldn't be, you do not truly love me," Kaname said and Ichigo closed his eyes and hung his head._

_" There has to be more of a reason for me not being able to pull myself away from you, besides weakness Kaname," Ichigo muttered._

_" Even the strongest of us, has a weakness," Kaname said and slid his hand up Ichigo's neck, and made Ichigo look up. " You were broken, and needed someone to mend you, I became that person, willingly.... But now I see that I will only end up hurting you more in the end," Kaname leaned down and pressed his lips to Ichigo's softly. " I'm sorry to have mislead you so Ichigo, but you do not truly love me, you aren't meant to love me," _

_"K-Kaname, pl-please don't," Ichigo grabbed Kaname's wrist. " Don't leave me,"_

_Kaname pulled away. "It must be done Ichigo," Kaname said sternly and Ichigo shook his head slowly. " Do not show your tears Ichigo," Kaname said._

_"Then do not leave me Kaname," Ichigo said._

_" It is not the same matter Ichigo," Kaname said._

_Ichigo stood, and stepped against Kaname. " I cry because you lie," Ichigo said. "You don't want to leave me Kaname, yet you're trying to," Ichigo put his head against Kaname's chest._

_" If I don't Aizen will take advantage of you," Kaname whispered putting his hands on the back of Ichigo's neck softly. "And I'd rather my heart ache, then your body be broken," He whispered putting his lips against Ichigo's ear._

_" I can handle physical pain Kaname," Ichigo said gripping Kaname's jacket. " Just please don't leave me, I have nothing else in this world, just this small room, and that window that shows the world I've been removed from.... Please, don't leave me," _

_" I will not come anymore after tonight," Kaname said pulling away slowly, taking Ichigo's hands from his jacket and forced them to Ichigo's side._

_"Kaname," Ichigo said looking up at Kaname, who's blind eyes stared at Ichigo's crying face._

_Kaname turned his back and walked towards the door, then walked out it. Ichigo ran towards the door, but the chains pulled taunt a few feet from the door._

_"KANAME!" Ichigo cried struggling against the chains that were bolted into the stone walls. "Kaname!" Ichigo cried again, but his voice was heard by nothing but the wall. In this small house, he was the only one, he knew that. " Kaname," Ichigo dropped to his hands and knees and sobbed._

_************************End**_

Ichigo looked up, watching the sun peak through the bottom of the curtains, then put his head back in the nook of his arms and pulled his knees tighter against his chest. He closed his eyes tightly and whimpered trying to fall asleep.

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Renji sighed and bit his bottom lip leaning back against the head board of Ichigo's bed. He'd spent the last four days looking all over town for Ichigo, but no one had seen him, heard of him or about him. There were a few people who gave Renji a bad feeling, like they were lying, but they didn't give anything up. Isshin and the police hadn't had any better luck.

'_Where the fuck are you Ichi?'_ Renji thought closing his eyes, and drifted into sleep.

_***************__**Memory**__****************_

_Ichigo was sitting on one of the stone tables in the school courtyard, where students were aloud to sit on nice days during free time, or during lunch. His navy blue guitar that he'd let all his friends sign on his lap, an orange pick in the fingers of his left hand. A group of students were gathered around as Ichigo played, it wasn't one of his original songs, but he sang so well, he could be famous for it._

_Renji leaned back against the tree he was standing under, and took a bite of the apple he had. "He's getting better ain't he?" Shuuhie asked and Renji looked at him. "Man, I can just see it now, in three years he'll go from sitting on a table at a school, to a huge stage with screaming fan girls," _

_"Ichigo gets stage fright, if it's more then ten people, he chokes up," Renji said._

_"Not when you're around," Shuuhie chuckled. "Come on don't tell me you didn't notice," _

_Renji glanced at Ichigo. "I ain't good enough for him," Renji muttered. " He's got a family, and a life ahead of him, I'm a street rat," Renji said._

_"You and me both. Street rats in a small town, aching for the town hero," Shuuhie chuckled and shook his head. _

_" You don't have to tell me," Renji said. _

_When Ichigo finished playing, Renji walked over and sat next to him. " Gettin' better I see," Renji joked._

_"Glad you think so," Ichigo said fidgeting with strings on the neck of his guitar. _

_" You're gonna go far with that guitar," Renji said watching Ichigo thumbing one large flashy very slanted angular signature on the side of the guitar, Renji realized it as his own. _

_"You ain't the only one," Ichigo said. "I heard you signed up the other day," Ichigo shifted nervously._

_"I still have to wait a little while." Renji said. "I may be a year older then you but I still have to wait until I graduate," Renji said quietly. _

_" You're going to be great y'know," Ichigo said and Renji looked down at him. "I mean, cuz you're always winning in sports and you're a good leader,"_

_Renji smiled and ruffled Ichigo's wild orange hair, causing Ichigo to laugh and push Renji back. " You're such a sap y'know," Renji said pulling Ichigo into a light headlock and ruffled his hair more._

_"Alright already," Ichigo said pulling away from Renji. " But I'm serious I'm proud of you," Ichigo said._

_" Good," Renji said leaning back on his elbows_

****************End**

Renji rubbed his face rolling over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling and watched the fan spinning slowly.

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Ichigo walked behind Ikkaku, gripping the right sleeve of his hoodie tightly. " How long is this gonna take?" Ichigo muttered quickly and Ikkaku looked at him.

"Can you keep from wigging out just long enough to get this done? If I can collect this money, you can get high again," Ikkaku looked at Ichigo. " How much of that bag have you used?" He asked.

"All of it," Ichigo said and Ikkaku turned to him.

"It's only been three days," Ikkaku said. "That should have lasted you at least two weeks,"

"I hadn't any in a week," Ichigo said.

"You're costing more money then you've made in a month," Ikkaku said walking over to a table in the back corner of the dirty bar and sat down. " Hey, bud its been a while," Ikkaku said as Ichigo sat down slowly next to him.

The man that was sitting on the other side of the table was Grimmjow, he had a scar on his chin and above right eye that he'd gotten from his fight against Ichigo.

"You didn't have to bring 'im," Grimmjow said, "I've got your shit," Grimmjow tossed a stack of money at Ikkaku who caught it. "What's wrong with you pretty boy? You need a fix?" Grimmjow leaned forward and smirked. "I got a new shipment this morning,"

Ichigo looked at him. " What do yo-"

Ikkaku put his arm out in front of Ichigo's chest. " What who yer selling too Grim, Ichigo belongs to me, which means he only gets his stuff from me," Ikkaku said pushing Ichigo out of the booth. "A pleasure doing business," Ikkaku said.

Grimmjow smirked and waved at Ichigo, who had looked over his shoulder at Grimmjow. "Bye bye pretty boy," He smirked.

Ichigo looked away fidgeting with his hair and Ikkaku pushed him from the bar and into the alley. " What the hell are you doing?" Ikkaku asked and Ichigo looked at him.

"I w-wasn't do anything," Ichigo said. " I j-just did what you t-told me to,"

"I told you when you started fighting for me, that I'm your dealer," Ikkaku grabbed a handful of Ichigo's hair and Ichigo whimpered and closed his eyes. "Geez you're almost as bad a whore," He said.

"N-no I'm not," Ichigo said looking up at Ikkaku.

"Eh? You're not?" Ikkaku pulled Ichigo's hair hard, and Ichigo gritted his teeth. "You sure as hell haven't proved that ta me yet," Ikkaku shoved Ichigo against the wall, and moved against him. " After all I did fer ya Ichi," Ikkaku grabbed Ichigo's chin, forcing Ikkaku to look at him. " I took you off the street, gave ya a bed 'n food, helped you get rid 'a the nightmares," Ikkaku ran his hand down Ichigo's neck. " And give you everything ya could want and ya still go behind my back. Fuckin' anyone who can get ya yer next fix, ya ain't nothing Ichi, but I still take ya back," Ikkaku tightened his grip on Ichigo's neck.

"I-Ikkaku," Ichigo shivered putting his hands around Ikkaku's wrist. "D-don't please, I-I'm sorry," Ichigo whispered.

"Of course you are," Ikkaku said putting his lips to Ichigo's ear. " Now, let's go home, and I'll fix ya up babe," He muttered. Ichigo closed his eyes and shivered.

"O....o-okay," Ichigo muttered. Ikkaku pulled away and walked from the alley, Ichigo followed behind quickly pulling on the tattered ends of his hoodie sleeves and looked down the street, seeing a flash of red. ".... R-Renji?" Ichigo froze for a moment and his heart started racing watching Renji put up the hood of his old truck and mess with the engine.

"Oi Ichi! Let's go!" Ikkaku called and Ichigo flinched and ran after Ikkaku.

*********************************************************************************************************************************

Renji looked up, hearing someone yell Ichigo's name, but when he looked around, the only other person on the street was a blue haired guy walking towards him from a bar, putting a cigarette in his mouth.

" This truck wouldn't be s' bad if ya'd fix her up a bit," The blue haired man said.

" Don't have the cash," Renji said slamming the hood down.

"Ya new in town?"

"Not really, grew up down here," Renji said.

" Coming back from where?"

" Look bud, I don't know ya, and I don't do friendly talk," Renji said.

"Sorry, ya just looked a lil' tense and I thought I could help ya out tha's all,"

Renji shifted. " You know people who sell?" Renji asked.

"I know any body who's any body, who's selling, who's usin'," The blue haired man grinned seeing Renji's eyes grow wide.

" Name's Renji,"

"I heard bout ya, you were injured in the war righ'? Got a plaque at the local rec. center with yer name on it," The blue haired man held his hand out and Renji shook it. " So what can I get fer ya Major Abarai? Call me Grimmjow,"

"I'm looking for someone who's using," Renji said. " His name's Ichi, he's been using on and off for about two years, he fights a lot too, he's an ex-marine too, gotta long scar on his left side,"

" Orange hair?" Grimmjow asked and Renji nodded. " Ya just missed him then,"

"Where's he stayin?" Renji asked.

" Ya don't wanna mess with 'im," Grimmjow said. " He belongs ta Ikkaku," Grimmjow crossed his arms leaning against the street lamp and took a long drag from his cigarette. " If ya truly grew up down here, y'know Ikkaku ain't gonna let go of what he owns, most off all his prized whore,"

Renji gritted his teeth. " Where does he live?" The red head asked.

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow. "I'm warning ya,"

"I can handle myself," Renji said,

"Alrigh," Grimmjow said. " Hell ya get Ikkaku off the streets, better business for me," Grimmjow pointed down the street. "Apartment building, can't miss it, gotta tag of a spear on the west wall, Ikkaku's 3F,"

Renji got into his truck and started it. The tires of his truck squealed as he drove down the road, and he didn't bother turning his truck off when he pulled in front of the building, and ran up the stairs to 3F.

Renji banged on the door hard with his fist. "ICHIGO!" Renji yelled. "ICHIGO! IF YOU'RE IN THERE OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"

"Hey what the fuck are you doing?"

Renji turned and looked at the man with the shaved head. "Ya got some business here outsider?"

"You Ikkaku?" Renji asked.

"So what if I am?"

Renji gritted his teeth and lunged at Ikkaku, punching him hard in the jaw, then grabbing his neck and pushing him up against the wall. " Where the fuck is Ichigo?" Renji hissed.

"Wha he owe ya money to? " Ikkaku asked. " Cuz any money goes through me from and to Ichi, so what's yer problem? He steal some drugs from ya?"

" You get Ichigo out here, right now, or I'll throw you over the railing," Renji said.

" The fall wouldn't kill me," Ikkaku said.

"Yea but it'd break a few bones," Renji said.

" Look, what ever you want from Ichigo, you can get from me," Ikkaku said. "Ichigo, isn't in the position to talk to any body right now,"

Renji heard a gun click and felt a barrel press against the side of his head and he let Ikkaku's neck go and glanced to his right.

" Took ya long enough Rangiku," Ikkaku said.

" Well I'm sorry, but your boy was causing grief again, poor thing started freaking out when this bozo hit the door," Rangiku shifted and looked at Renji. "Hey, you know mister, if I wasn't sick to dick, I'd give you a ride," She smirked.

"Fuck off bitch," Renji growled and Rangiku chuckled.

" Even with a gun to your head, you ain't gonna be nice," She smiled. " I like that,"

"Look bud, stay off my turf, or we'll have some serious problems," Ikkaku said and Renji looked at him. " And... Ichi belongs to me, and he ain't fer sale,"

Renji took a step forward but Rangiku shifted, putting the gun to his forehead and he stopped. "If anything happens to Ichi, and he doesn't come back, I'm going to kill you," Renji promised and Ikkaku smirked. " And her," He glanced at Rangiku who winked and stepped back as Ikkaku went into the apartment.

"Bye bye," Rangiku said slamming the door to the apartment.

Renji punched the wall and walked down the stairs to his truck. He knew he had a shot gun under the seat, and he could easily get Ichigo back by force, but the last thing he wanted Ichigo hearing was the sound of gun fire. Renji sat in his truck for a minute then drove off, swearing every curse under the sun, watching his left hand bruise, he'd broken it by punching the wall, and now felt stupid for it.... Figures.

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Ichigo was struggling under the weight of Orihime on his back, and the affects of the mix of drugs Ikkaku had given him.

"What's the matter Ichi?" Ikkaku asked sitting on the couch next to Ichigo, and Orihime got up and walked out of the room. Ichigo looked up at Ikkaku, with tears in his eyes.

"You didn't h-hurt Renji did y-you Ikkaku?" Ichigo asked trying to sit up, but his limbs wouldn't move.

" The red head?" Ikkaku asked pulling Ichigo up and against him. " No, I'd never do that," Ikkaku took Ichigo's chin. " Most of all when he came to cut ties with you,"

Ichigo's eyes got wide. " Y-you're ly-...you're lying," Ichigo muttered.

"No Ichi, Renji said he didn't want anything to do with you anymore, and that if you showed your face again, he'd kick it in," Ikkaku said and Ichigo sobbed closing his eyes. " But don't be so sad Ichi, I still love you," Ikkaku smirked.

Ichigo didn't fight anymore, just let the drugs mess with his mind.

_**Flashback**********************_

_Tic.... tic tic _

_drip.... drip... drip_

_Ichigo struggled against the restraints on the chair that he was strapped to. It was cold, metal, the legs different length so it wobbled, and would tip over if Ichigo didn't keep it balanced. His face was covered in tiny cuts, that wouldn't scar, but stung like hell. Under his fingernails were tiny metal splinters, and some of his fingers were swollen from infection. His bare body was covered in wounds, and water splashed from holes in the ceiling all around him, a few fell on him, and the drops were torture all their own. None ever fell on Ichigo's cracked lips, over his dry tongue to sooth the sores in his mouth._

_Tic.... tic tic drip.... drip.... drip_

_Ichigo didn't know how long he'd been there, it was more then a week, less than a month. He didn't know the time, but he did know there was a clock ticking just behind the grey curtain that covered the door, and it ticked, and ticked driving Ichigo insane, because it and the water dropping was the only thing he heard for the past hours.... perhaps the past few days sense he'd woken up in the cold metal chair that wobbled._

_Tic..... tic tic_

_Drip.... drip drip.... drip_

_He didn't remember how he'd gotten there, just tracking his target, going into an unknown location, blacking out, a few moments in a truck with people talking over him, arguing about him in german, he remembered parts of it from what he'd picked up during the month in the country, then waking up in this dreadful dark evil small room. _

_Tic.... tic tic _

_Drip... drip drip drip.... drip_

_There had been whispers outside the curtain earlier, rushed, something about needing to move to a different location, but that was all Ichigo had managed before the voices trailed off down the hall._

_Tic..... tic tic_

_drip..... drip drip.... drip drip drip_

_Ichigo was tired, so very tired, but he didn't want to sleep, because he knew the chair would fall over, and he'd have no way to right himself later. But it had been so long sense he'd slept, so long sense he'd eaten, he was so... tired._

_Tic.... tic tic_

_drip.... drip drip _

_The chair fell sideways and Ichigo cried out, as he hand smashed under the arm of the chair, he bit down on his lip hard, drawing blood, wishing he could just move the chair from his hand, but he was afraid to move, because it would just cut the rough angled edge of the chair into his hand more. Blood was already mixing with the water on the floor, his blood, and Ichigo felt sick, the smell and sight of blood had become something during the course of the war that had made him so very sick, and so Ichigo vomited, the thin off white foam that came from his stomach was bitter and the edges stained from the blood from Ichigo's lip. _

_Tic.... tic tic_

_Drip... drip.... drip_

_Ichigo panted and forced himself to moved the chair, rolling it onto it's back freeing his hand with a loud cry and harder panting as he stared up at the ceiling trembling from pain and sickness, and tiredness. Ichigo closed his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth and groaning as he panted, the pain in his hand was just getting worse and worse when it should be getting better, and now that the blood was free to run, it ran up Ichigo's arm and up his neck making him feel sicker and sicker and Ichigo just wanted it to stop, for all of it to end, he wanted death.... he wanted nothingness anything then this.... _

_Tic.... tic tic_

_drip drip drip..... _

_Ichigo screamed and thrashed in the chair. Tears streaming down his face from everything spilling over; pain, hunger, fatigue, anguish, fear, anger...._

_"What is all the fuss in here?.... Well finally coherent I see huh Captain Kurosaki?"_

_Ichigo looked at the white haired Cheshire cat man that stood in the door way, wearing Urban camo and two stars on his shoulders. The man walked over and pulled Ichigo and the chair upright. " It's nice to finally meet ya, My name's Gin, do you like my room?"_

_Ichigo gritted his teeth and he trembled in anger._

_"No? Well that's rather sad, you should be happy, I could've just cut your head off for following Kaname, but sense you were so young Kaname insisted we keep you alive, so I have," Gin undid the binds on Ichigo._

_Ichigo lunged, but stumbled and Gin caught him laughing._

_"Even two weeks without food and you still try to fight, rather impressive," Gin chuckled. " But I bet that's all you could managed huh?" Gin picked Ichigo up with ease and carried him from the room and down the hall. " Don't worry, you won't be in my care for much longer, the boss man is here, and he wants to meet the soldier who didn't utter a single word during his time with me," Gin hummed with amusement. " I have to admit you have been rather intriguing Captain Kurosaki, and I'm going to miss you," Gin opened the door to a bright room and Ichigo grimaced and closed his eyes tightly._

_" So young, I am surprised," a calm voice said. " Looks like you've tried hard to break him Gin, and got nothing but amusement,"_

_"Yea, but I bet you'll have better luck," Gin said laying Ichigo down on something, it was soft, but when Ichigo shifted, he realized it was most likely a cargo box, because he felt the wooden walls on either side, against his feet, and brushing against his hair._

_"To think Kaname, this boy almost caught you," _

_Ichigo opened his eyes, and caught the image of a blurry dark skinned man before the lid of the box was closed, and Ichigo realized it was a coffin. Ichigo screamed and pounded on the lid with both hands, ignoring the pain from the broken one and covered the lid and himself in blood and kept screaming as the coffin was lifted and put into a truck. Ichigo screamed until he was to tired, and he slept, fearing he'd wake with nothing but six feet of dirt above his head._

_**End*********************_

Ichigo woke with a start and looked around the bedroom and grimaced trying to get his right arm to get it's feeling back, but sense he couldn't move it because it was tied to the headboard of Ikkaku's bed the feeling wouldn't come back. Ichigo closed his eyes and buried his face in his pillow, wondering why, even people who want to die can't suffocate themselves unless they tie something around their heads. Why their bodies force them to move and gasp for air. Ichigo just wanted to suffocate himself in the pillow that smelled like blood and sex, get it over with. But then Renji came to his mind, and Ichigo bit his lip hard, until it bleed on the pillow, remembering what Ikkaku had told him last night.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

**End of Chapter 4**

I am apologizing to any and all Ikkaku fans, and Rangiku fans that I have most likely pissed off with this chapter, but I needed bad guys, and I don't know why I thought Ikkaku would be a good one, but he is, so I made him one. I know that this chapter is probably disappointing to those of you who want a loyal pairing between Ichigo and Renji, but a person suffering from PTSD and cronic drug abuse have trouble committing to a relationship, and don't think of themselves as worthy of a stable and loving relationship and will be in abusive or other wise unstable relationships to punish themselves and I wanted to show that in this chapter. Again I'm sorry, but..... It's the way I'm telling the story, please, just read it, and I promise that in the end, it'll be worth all of it. The crazy evil stuff I put Ichigo through, will be made up for later.

Thanks for Reading, please leave your reviews and comments, as well as questions, or if you just wanna yell at me for making Ikkaku a creep, I don't take down any comments good or bad, because they don't bug me that way. So say what you will, and again I apologize for anything in this chapter to your disliking.

ConstantSnow.


	5. Chapter 5

" Get dressed," Ikkaku said tossing clothes at Ichigo who flinched and grabbed the tattered clothes, pulling them against his naked body. " Come one, we're going out,"

Ichigo pulled the tight long sleeve shirt on quickly then the pair or black and white plaid shorts with suspenders hanging down to his knees and stood slowly. "W-where are we going?" Ichigo asked following Ikkaku out of the apartment and down the street.

"We're moving, someone called the cops," Ikkaku grabbed Ichigo's wrist tightly and pulled him closely, covering Ichigo's head with his arms and Ichigo looked up at Ikkaku.

"W-what are you doing?" Ichigo asked.

"Cops are lookin' fer ya," Ikkaku said. "I'm makin' sure they don' get ya," Ikkaku pushed Ichigo into an alley. "Yer fucking hair is to damn noticeable," Ikkaku pushed Ichigo against the side of a building and Ichigo looked at him.

"I-It's not my fault," Ichigo said pulling on the ends of his bangs, then looked up at Ikkaku for a second before looking back down.

" You're gonna dye it," Ikkaku said and Ichigo looked up at him. " Black like everyone else, or I'll shave it off," Ikkaku grabbed Ichigo's chin. " I ain't letting them take you away from me,"

"I-Ikkaku," Ichigo muttered.

Ikkaku pressed his lips against Ichigo who squirmed against the building and moaned closing his eyes, and kissed Ikkaku back. Ikkaku gripped Ichigo's hair tightly and forced Ichigo's head back. Ichigo gritted his teeth and gasped. Ikkaku pressed against Ichigo pressing him hard into the side of the building. "Be quite, you make to much noise," Ikkaku said. Ichigo bit his lip as Ikkaku groped him hard, then slid his hand roughly into Ichigo's pants, and fondled him. Ichigo arched his back slightly and clawed at the brick behind his head.

"N-no, Ikk-" Ikkaku punched Ichigo hard in the jaw.

"You don't tell me no," Ikkaku hissed in Ichigo's ear then bit down on the soft flesh.

Ichigo moaned and closed his eyes. " I-Ikkaku,"

"We're gonna change you, Ichi, that way you can't ever leave me," Ikkaku said. "You're mine, until I say you're finished,"

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Renji sat in Isshin's living room waiting near the phone, He had told Isshin where Ichigo was, who intern told the police.

Renji had wanted so badly to kill Ikkaku, and that bitch Rangiku, but the last thing Ichigo needed was violence to save him. Renji leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together to keep them from shaking.

"Renji, go home, get some rest," Isshin said and Renji looked at him. "It's been two days, and you haven't slept,"

Renji rubbed his eyes and sighed. " If you get any-"

"You'll be my first call," Isshin assured and Renji stood slowly and walked out without another word. He got into his truck and blew on his hands for heat, and drove off.... He walked into Ichigo's apartment and shivered, the heat hadn't been on in a while. Renji went over to the thermostat and turned the heat on before going into the living room and looking down at the clothes belonging to Ichigo that were on the couch. Even though Ichigo wasn't here, and hadn't for a while, Renji still washed his clothes, and put them away.

Renji looked into the hallway leading to the bedroom, he always left that light on, so incase Ichigo ever came back, that Ichigo would know, someone would be there for him. Renji sighed and pulled the rubber band from his hair and rubbed his head slowly closing his eyes.

*********************************************************************************************************************************

Ichigo whimpered under the cold water as Ikkaku bent him over the sink, black hair dye dripping off the strands of his hair. Ichigo gripped the sides of the sink and closed his eyes tightly and sobbed.

"Stop crying, it doesn't hurt," Ikkaku said.

"I-It's cold," Ichigo whimpered.

"You're the one who wouldn't do it yourself in the shower so it's takin' longer, the water being cold is your fault," Ikkaku said turning off the water and threw a towel at Ichigo and walked out of the bathroom. Ichigo slid down to the floor and pulled the towel off his shoulder and slowly began to dry his hair slowly, his eyes turning vacant.

_**Flashback†††††††††††††††††††**_

_Ichigo didn't know how long he'd been in that coffin, it was long enough for his weak voice to stop sounding, and to the point where his nails now had slivers of wood along with the metal ones under them. He knew he was in a vehicle, moving, fast over rough land or destroyed roads. Ichigo heard low voices talking over him, they seemed so calm, and so unaware of Ichigo who still managed to tap on the lid of the coffin weakly every once in a while._

_Before the lid was ever removed, Ichigo lost his ability to fight, and stay awake completely, and fell asleep, a deep fitful sleep he couldn't seem to wake from...._

_Ichigo woke when cold water was thrown on him. He cried out and opened his eyes, and looked around quickly._

_"Good morning captain," Gin chuckled leaning over Ichigo who struggled in the restraints. "Well, you're lively," He said _

_"Gin, that's enough," Gin frowned slightly and pulled away. _

_Ichigo remembered the voice and looked up, the man had dark brown hair and matching glinting eyes. He had a soft smile that made Ichigo shiver. BEhind him was the dark skinned man Ichigo was supposed to have abducted, Kaname Tousen. _

_Ichigo's heart started racing, and he started breathing heavily in anger and fear. "What do you want with me?" Ichigo asked._

_"A captain in the military of my enemy is of many great uses to me," The brown haired man said stepping closer to the chair that Ichigo was strapped to. The man stopped though, and eyed Ichigo's chest that was rising and falling rapidly. "Are you afraid?" The man asked._

_"No," Ichigo said firmly._

_" Then why is your breathing labored?" The man moved closer, and reached out and touched Ichigo's chest and he flinched and when the man pressed harder Ichigo started coughing._

_"General Aizen," Kaname said and the man pulled away. " This boy hasn't had medical treatment or food," Kaname turned his blind eyes to Ichigo. "He is ill, and should be sent to the medical ward to get treated before we go further,"_

_Aizen looked back at Ichigo and smiled. "Very well Kaname," Aizen untied Ichigo's arms and pulled him up. "Can you walk?" He asked and Ichigo pulled away from him. "Will you fight until on your death bed?" Aizen asked._

_Ichigo gritted his teeth, feeling his legs growing weak. Aizen came over and picked Ichigo up. "Put me.... the f-fuck down!" Ichigo said and struggled as much as he could._

_"Do not fight, you'll only make it worse," Aizen said and Ichigo started coughing. "See, I told you," Aizen smiled carrying Ichigo from the room. " You're rather slight aren't you Captain?"_

_Ichigo looked up at Aizen and gritted his teeth. " What do you want from me?" Ichigo asked._

_" I don't know yet. I'll think of something useful for you,"Aizen smiled._

_**End†††††††††††††††††††††††††**_

Ichigo walked out of the bathroom, and leaned back against the wall watching Ikkaku sitting at the table, dealing with Grimmjow again. Grimmjow looked at Ichigo and smirked.

He wanted to melt into the wall, to vanish, Ikkaku was staring at him, and Grimmjow was laughing at him. Ichigo nervously tugged on the ends of his damp hair.

"Ya look good with black hair Pretty Boy," Grimmjow chuckled leaning back in his chair. "You picked a good color for him, Ikkaku,"

"I know," Ikkaku stood slowly and walked to Ichigo, and grabbed his arms and and pinned them above Ichigo's head.

"Ikkaku?" Ichigo muttered and looked at Ikkaku with fear.

"Oi, Ikkaku, we've still got business to take care off, you can play later," Grimmjow smirked.

Ikkaku pulled away, but not before placing a rough kiss against Ichigo's lips then he walked back to the table where Grimmjow was laughing hard as Ichigo slid down the wall slowly and covered his mouth. "Ichigo, come here," Ikkaku ordered and Ichigo got up slowly and walked over to Ikkaku who pulled Ichigo down on his lap. Ichigo squirmed when Ikkaku gripped his thigh hard, "I'm gonna fix you up babe, don't worry," Ikkaku pulled Ichigo's arm out.

"W-wait Ikkaku," Ichigo said squirming as Ikkaku pulled out a needle.

"Don't tell me you don't want it," Ikkaku laughed.

"I-I... no-"

"Shut up," Ikkaku said and jammed the needle into Ichigo's arm who cried out and closed his eyes.

"N-No Ikkaku," Ichigo cried, but within a few minutes, the struggle was over, and Ichigo was laying limply in Ikkaku's arm, humming, is what it sounded like to Grimmjow.

"That was rather mean Ikkaku," Grimmjow said chuckling. "Poor kid,"

"If he starts ta come out, give him another," Ikkaku stood and tossed Ichigo like a doll on the bed. "I'm trusting you to take care of him while I go out," Ikkaku looked at Grimmjow, then at Ichigo who was squirming on the bed, groaning and moaning.

"What the hell did you give him?" Grimmjow asked with amusement.

"What he was yearning for," Ikkaku chuckled and walked out.

Grimmjow pulled a cigarette from his pack and put it in his lips, and light it. " Well Ichi, this is gonna be interesting," Grimmjow chuckled, watching Ichigo pulling at his clothes, moaning and panting. Grimmjow ran his eyes down Ichigo's body as he arched his back and cried out.

"...H-help... n-no...." Ichigo thrashed and screamed. "H-..."

Grimmjow got up and walked over to the bed. He knelt down and grabbed Ichigo's shoulders. "Hey, Pretty Boy," Grimmjow said and Ichigo's eyes snapped to him, his pupils were wide and a light coating of sweat covered his body. "Hey, calm down,"

"A-ahahHann...can't... N-no," Ichigo covered his head and screamed. Grimmjow grabbed Ichigo's arms and pinned them to the bed.

"Pretty Boy, calm down," Grimmjow said.

".... M-more.... n-not.... uhhhHunn....I... I w-won't," Ichigo gritted his teeth and screamed. "I-I w-won't... c-can't....F-fu...ck," Ichigo moaned and turned his head away. "....S-stop.....I..." Ichigo's voice seemed to give out, he stopped struggling, and he seemed to just go limp and his breathing became more labored, but at the same time calmer.

"Oi, Pretty Boy," Grimmjow shook him but got only a groan in response. "What the hell?" Grimmjow muttered and got out off the bed and sat back at the table and ran his fingers through his hair.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

Renji rushed to his truck, and slipped on some ice, and grabbed the side so he didn't fall. He sighed and rubbed his face. He'd been doing as much as possible to keep himself as busy as possible. He started going back to school, taking classes to become a doctor, he got a new job as a DJ at a club on the far side of town that was quickly gaining in popularity. He also had a part time job working at Isshin's clinic away from the hospital, it was good for when it came time for him to get a job once he was done with school.

He hadn't slept in two days though, his jobs had over lapped, and then he had class. Renji sighed heavily and walked to the door and opened it. He tossed his bag into it and rolled his shoulders and shifted his feet, just standing with his hands on the seat his head hanging. Until his phone started ringing and he pulled it out of his pocket angrily and answered.

"Hello?" Renji said.

"...H-elp...."

"Ichigo!" Renji cried.

"... I-It h-h...hurts,"

"Where are you Ichigo?!" Renji cried.

"..." The line went dead and Renji roared.

"Ichigo!" Renji screamed at his phone. Renji shifted and gritted his teeth, and got into his truck and drove to the police station put his cell on the desk of the detective that was in charge of Ichigo's case.

"Mr. Abarai, what can I do for you?" The detective said.

"I just got a call from Ichigo," Renji said. " On my cell, you can track that right?"

"Yes we can," The detective stood slowly. "When did you get the call?"

"A-about twenty minutes ago," Renji said running a hand over his face quickly.

"Take a seat, and I'll take this to the lab," The detective said.

Renji sat down and put his forearms against his thighs and his head in his hands, trying to calm down. His hands were shaking.... his whole body was shaking.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo coughed up blood as Ikkaku's foot came into contact hard with his ribs. Ichigo slid back against the wall and Ikkaku spit on Ichigo who whimpered and rolled onto his side, and clawed at the floor and groaned.

"I-I'm s-s-"

Ikkaku stomped on Ichigo's back and Ichigo screamed and stopped moving. " What the hell do think you were doing Ichigo?" Ikkaku bent down and grabbed a fistful of Ichigo's hair and forced the beaten man to look up. Blood covered most of Ichigo's face, it was swollen, he couldn't open his left eye. "Do you really want to leave me? Huh is that fucking tattooed monkey better then me?!" Ikkaku pulled Ichigo to his feet.

"I-I... no Ikka.... p-please," Ichigo sobbed.

"Then why Ichigo?" Ikkaku pushed Ichigo against the wall hard and Ichigo fell to the floor in a heap.

Ikkaku stood over him, watching as Ichigo squirmed on the floor. "N-...no n-not.... p...I c-can't ," Ichigo murmured. Ikkaku shifted watching Ichigo fall back into the darkness of his own mind.

_**Flashback******************_

_Gin leaned over Ichigo who was laying on the floor shaking. "Come on Captain, give it up," Gin said and Ichigo looked up at him, his eyes glazed over, his body covered in light scratches, bruises from being held and tied down, kiss marks, bite marks, cum, sweat and saliva. "If you'd prefer to keep quite, there are still a group of men who've had no release in months, waiting just outside the door," Gin knelt down and lifted Ichigo's chin. " What is hidden behind those beautiful eyes of yours captain? Why don't you want to share with me?"_

_Ichigo closed his eyes weakly and tried to catch his breath, and get his body to stop shaking, to stop betraying that the teen was so very weak, filled with shame, and so very close to the edge of spilling his entire soul out to the silver haired man, for just a night's sleep. Ichigo was ready to betray everyone he knew, so his own suffering would end, so very very close...._

_Gin traced the line of Ichigo's spine, making the teen shiver. Ichigo struggled when Gin's hand ran over his tortured lower half. "N-no," Ichigo managed before he started coughing, sending his body into a violent shaking fit. Gin pulled away and sighed. _

_"Are you going to die for people who have not even been looking for you captain?" Gin asked as Ichigo finally stopped coughing._

_"I....I w-want t-to," Ichigo looked up at Gin with tears sliding down his face. _

_"Do you really? Don't you have someone who loves you? Who you love waiting for you to come home? Don't you have a family crying because they don't know what happened to you? You could end all of it, the pain you're in, the pain of your family, the pain of your most treasured person, if you just tell me everything. I know, that you know a lot about your military, giving me the imformation could end this war within a month," Gin knelt down at Ichigo. "You would be given a fine life in the new country we make, so would your family, you could be with that one person, that I know you've had on your mind," Gin ran his fingers through Ichigo's hair, causing the teen to shiver._

_"...K-kill me," Ichigo closed his eyes. "P-please... do it a-already," Ichigo started coughing again and Gin got up in furstration and stormed from the room._

_"You, go in there, do what ever you want, but kill him," Gin said to the soldier standing outside the door. "You've got until I get back," _

_"Sir?" _

_"Go now!" Gin snapped and the soldier rushed into the room._

_"You've really become flustered by that boy haven't you Gin?" Aizen asked and Gin looked over his shoulder._

_"I ain't the only one, eh Aizen?" Gin said._

_"Indeed the boy is quite difficult for even me to break," Aizen smirked and looked at Kaname standing behind him. " Kaname, maybe you should try," _

_"Sir?" Kaname shifted. "I do not wish to be rude, but I do not believe in torture," _

_"Then don't torture him Kaname," Aizen said. "Break him another way, he needs a savory, you could be that to him Kaname," _

_"If that is what you wish sir," Kaname said. " I will try to get the information from him that you wish for," Kaname walked into the room, and a few minutes later the soldier that Gin had sent in scrambled out, fusing with his belt. After that Kaname came out, carrying an limp Ichigo against his chest. "I will take him to a room, and clean him up. Please, have food and medical supplies sent up Aizen," _

_"Of course Kaname," Aizen said grinning, looking into Ichigo's eyes, that were filled with fear. "Sleep well, dearest Ichigo," Aizen said as Kaname walked past, Ichigo flinched and closed his eyes, and fell asleep against Kaname._

_**End******************_

Ichigo felt a warm wet wash cloth run carefully down the side of his face and he groaned and opened his right eye and looked around. His vision was to blurry to make out anything about the room, all he knew about the person taking care of him, was that it was a man, because the hand that was on his forehead was large, rough, and soothing.

"K-Kan," Ichigo murmured.

"Just keep yer mouth shut kid," Grimmjow said leaning over Ichigo, who's vision cleared, just enough to make out his blue hair. " I risked a hell of a lot buying you,"

"N... no," Ichigo started to panic and struggle. " N-no...," Ichigo sobbed as Grimmjow pushed him flat.

"Hush Pretty Boy," Grimmjow said soothingly. " Just hush... I ain't gonna hurt you, I promise," Grimmjow said. " Now let me clean you up before they come to get you,"

" I-Ikkaku,.... n-not... please," Ichigo looked up at Grimmjow. " C-can't.... h-help," Ichigo's head started rolling from side to side and he started crying hard, his body shaking.

Grimmjow looked over to the small table next to the bed in the shitty hotel he had rented, and looked at his gun and police badge. '_Going undercover... the guys never said anything 'bout this...'_ He thought running his fingers through his hair and got back to work on Ichigo's face.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

**End of Chapter 5**

Thanks for reading, I know it took forever, but I've been sick and I only seem to be getting worse, so it's not helping. But anyways, here is Chapter 5 finished and wow was it unnaturally difficult for me to write or some strange reason.... maybe it's not being able to feel my head. ^_^

Well again thanks for reading, hope you've enjoyed. Review and Comment

ConstantSnow


	6. Chapter 6

"What the hell happened?" Ichigo wasn't sure who's voices were over him, but they scared him, his body was shaking, ..... Who were these people?

"Keep your voice down,"

"Well what the hell am I supposed to do with this kid?"

"Take him to the safe house, call this number, get him some a doctor,"

"Are you sure about this?"

"If I wasn't I would've left this kid for dead, now go before someone sees,"

_**Flashback*******************_

_Ichigo felt water around him, and a hand moving over him soothingly. He leaned back and opened his right eye and looked around. He was in a bath tub, the water was draining because it was filthy but the shower was on, and the shower head was being held over his chest. Ichigo stared at the hand holding the shower head, he knew it as Kaname's, so Ichigo looked up._

_"Do not worry, I mean no harm," Kaname said shifting his other hand behind Ichigo's head and laying Ichigo back against the tub. "Can you talk?" Kaname asked._

_"..." Ichigo tried, but got nothing._

_Kaname sighed picking up the green wash cloth from the side of the tub and rubbed it against a bar of soap. " This might sting a little," He said quietly and dapped the cloth on the side of Ichigo's face. Ichigo flinched and grabbed the sides of the tub weakly. " I apologize," Kaname said and Ichigo looked at him with his good eye. "I know Gin can be quite the monster," Kaname moved the washcloth around Ichigo's right eye, and Ichigo closed his eye slowly and shivered, it felt strange to have a soothing touch after however long he'd been under Gin's 'care'._

_Kaname cupped clean water in his hands, and carefully poured it over Ichigo's face, then ran his fingers over Ichigo's face slowly. "You are very young... You should not be on the field of battle," Kaname said and Ichigo looked at him. Kaname's white blind eyes were staring down at him, and Ichigo shifted nervously. " You aren't one fit for combat, even if you are very skilled at it," Kaname ran his hand down Ichigo's neck, tracing his shoulder, and lifted Ichigo's hand slowly and ran his fingers over it. Ichigo squirmed and whimpered, his hands were still in a lot of pain from clawing at the stone floors, and splinters. "Relax," Kaname said softly and Ichigo looked at him, fixing his golden brown eyes on Kaname's blind white ones. "You're right handed when it comes to holding a weapon or a pen, but with your left hand," Kaname shifted and a soft smile formed on his lips. "You play a guitar don't you?"_

_Ichigo wrapped his fingers around Kaname's wrist as tightly as he could, his hand was shaking, and tears slid from his eyes._

_Kaname turned his face away. "There is no shame in tears, young one," Kaname said quietly. "But if you do not wish for me to 'see' then I shall not,"_

_Ichigo tightened his grip on Kaname's wrist. "...D-don't... let g-go," Ichigo whispered, his voice rough and pained. _

_Kaname turned his face back to Ichigo. "I will not," Kaname said and Ichigo's body relaxed, and he fell asleep in the tub. Kaname finished cleaning him, and took him into the small room and laid him on the bed._

_"He looks peaceful Kaname, what did you say to him?" Gin asked leaning against the door that lead into the hall. Kaname didn't answer, but slowly dried Ichigo's body off. "No need to be stingy Kaname," _

_"Don't you have people to torture?" Kaname asked bitterly._

_"They're not going anywhere," Gin smirked. "Did he say anything to you besides 'kill me'?" _

_"Yes, he did," Kaname said._

_"What did he say?" Gin asked._

_Kaname looked at Gin. "I'm going to ask politely that you leave this room, and do not return unless ordered other wise by Aizen or myself Gin," Kaname said._

_Gin raised an eyebrow. "Must've gotten ta ya," Gin sighed. "Remember don't get attached Kaname, he's the enemy," Gin left and closed the door and Kaname looked down at Ichigo, and closed his blind eyes._

_**End******************_

Ichigo woke with a start and looked around, he didn't recognize where he was, and his heart started racing, and he struggled under the heavy sheets that covered him. "N-no!" Ichigo cried and the door flung open and someone rushed towards Ichigo who screamed.

"Calm down." The man said pushing Ichigo flat on the bed. "You're safe, I'm a police officer, "

Ichigo looked at the man, Ichigo's vision was still blurry, and he could still only open one eye. Ichigo stopped fighting, seeing the gold and black of a police badge.

"We've got a doctor here to take care of you, are you in pain?" The man asked.

"....N-no," Ichigo muttered.

"Tell me what's wrong,"

"....R-Renji," Ichigo looked around franticly. "P-please, l-le... let me..... s-.... him,"

"Look I'm sorry kid, but you've gotta stay here in the safe house," The police said.

"N-no," Ichigo shook his head and covered his face with his hands. "I-I... please,"

"I'm sorry kid, but it's vital to the operation," The police pulled away from Ichigo who rolled onto his side. "You've gotta remain dead for a while," The police sighed and left.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

"What do you mean the guy said he sold Ichigo!" Renji roared looking at the police officer standing in Isshin's living room.

"It's not uncommon for drug dealers to have people that they trade or sell for business deals," The police said.

"Did he say who he sold Ichigo too?" Isshin asked calmly and Renji stared at him in disbelief.

"We could only get that bit of information from him," The police officer shook his head. "I'm sorry, we're going to keep looking for Ichigo, but it's all we can do at this point,"

Renji got up and went outside. Renji sat on the porch, and pulled his pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket, and flipped the lid open. "Fuck," Renji muttered seeing the pack was empty.

"Here,"

Renji looked up. "What the hell are you doing here?" Renji stood looking at Grimmjow.

"I'm risking a lot so calm down, so fucking take the damn cigarette," Grimmjow said and Renji did.

"So... what the fuck are you doing here?" Renji asked.

"I'm sure by now, you've learned I'm under cover right?" Grimmjow said sitting next to Renji who was lighting his cigarette.

"Yea, I know... and that you've been watching Ichigo for Ikkaku sometimes," Renji shifted and shut his lighter. "What the fuck do you want?"

"I'm trying to help you out as much as I can without completely screwing myself over," Grimmjow said. "I've been undercover for six year.... I went through a lot of shit to get into Ikkaku's circle. The bald bastard still doesn't completely trust me,"

"He's going to prison though, so it shouldn't matter," Renji said.

"I've gotta stay under until the trial starts," Grimmjow said and looked at Renji. "I know where Ichigo is," Renji looked at him.

"Where?"

"I've got him at a safe house, but if I take you there, you stay there, until all this shit's over," Grimmjow said.

"I've got....can't he come here?" Renji asked.

"I told Ikkaku that Ichigo died soon after I got him, do you see where that could be a problem? If Ichigo got out of your hands, and went back to Ikkaku, I'd end up with a bullet between the eyes," Grimmjow said and Renji rubbed his face. "Ichigo was asking for you the other day,"

Renji flinched and gritted his teeth.

"He's gonna start hitting withdrawal soon, and he's gonna need someone he knows to help him through it," Grimmjow said. "I've seen junkies who've gone through a lot of stuff in their lives not make it because their families didn't come to them. Ichigo is the worse I've ever seen in my life, and I've grown up with junkies. With his PTSD, he's gonna be on one hell of a roller coaster,"

"Give me two days," Renji said.

"Alright," Grimmjow said and stood slowly. "And I'm gonna warn you now, Ichigo got pretty beat up, so it might be hard when you first see him," Grimmjow said, and left.

Renji rubbed his face and closed his eyes tightly.

_**Flashback*****************_

_Ichigo was standing at his mailbox when Renji got to the house. Ichigo was holding a letter in his hands, staring at it with wide eyes._

_"Ichi, what's wrong?" Renji asked._

_Ichigo looked up at Renji. "I..... I got drafted," Ichigo muttered._

_"What?" Renji snatched the letter from Ichigo. "Oh shit," _

_Ichigo closed his eyes. "R-Ren.... I can't go to war," Ichigo said. "I can't stand the sight of blood, ever since my mom I-" Ichigo covered his mouth feeling sick and sank down to the ground._

_Renji knelt next to Ichigo and put his hand on Ichigo's back. " Hey Ichi, it's gonna be alright," Renji said quietly shifting his hand to the back of Ichigo's neck, moving his thumb back and forth. "I'm gonna be with you the whole time, we'll make it through this together," Renji said._

_"Ren.... They said it wasn't gonna get this bad... That it wasn't this bad," Ichigo grabbed Renji's other hand as his breath hitched. _

_"Hey hey, it's alright," Renji said pulling Ichigo to his feet slowly. "Look at me Ichi," Renji said and Ichigo did. "Don't go to that place, you understand me?" He said firmly and Ichigo closed his eyes. "Don't think about it Ichigo," Renji said pulling Ichigo against him. "Just listen to the sound of my voice, and think of my voice, it's okay," Renji wrapped his arms around Ichigo's head. "It's alright,"_

_Ichigo gripped Renji's shirt tightly, trying not to tremble. "I can't do it... Renji," Ichigo muttered. "I don't want to see blood," _

_"Sh," Renji said closing his eyes trying to ignore Ichigo's tears as they feel on his shoulder. Renji knew about what happened to Ichigo's mother, he knew that Ichigo had been there, seen everything. Renji knew that the sight of blood made Ichigo sick, made him black out or loose it, and fight like he was going to die. "Sh Ichi," Renji repeated as Ichigo's breath hitched again. "It's alright, it's alright. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you I promise," Renji whispered in Ichigo's ear. Renji hated seeing Ichigo weak, but knew it was the only time Ichigo would let Renji so close, let anyone so close. _

_Secretly Renji had a small part of him that enjoyed when Ichigo was upset, because he knew that Ichigo would call him, and Renji would get to hold Ichigo this close, to feel Ichigo's slender body, to feel the warmth he gave off. Renji bit his tongue and forced himself to pull away._

_"Come on Ichi, let's go inside," Renji said. Ichigo didn't answer, just wiped his face on his over sized long sleeves and walked into the house, Renji inhaled slowly and followed Ichigo up to his room, and closed the door. Renji watched as Ichigo sat on his bed, and Renji sat at the computer desk. "Did you not sleep last night?" Renji asked watching Ichigo shifting nervously._

_"I did," Ichigo said. " I just woke up really early.... nervous y'know,"_

_"Yea," Renji sighed. _

_"It didn't go very well," Ichigo said. "The producers said that no one wants to listen to music like mine during war," _

_"Well those fuckers don't know what they're talking about," Renji said and Ichigo gave a small smile that faded quickly. "Don't worry Ichi, when this all blows over, they'll be begging you to come back," Renji said. "The people at boot camp said that we probably won't even see combat, that it's gonna blow over so fast," _

_"Then why start a draft?" Ichigo asked looking at Renji._

_"If a military reports larger numbers, it's to try and scare the enemy into giving up that's all," Renji said. "Like in football. If you show up with a bunch of big guys against a team with smaller guys, it automatically gives you the upper hand," _

_"Leave it to you, to compare everything to football," Ichigo said giving another small smile that lingered on his lips a while longer then the first. _

_"It's going to be alright Ichi, though, I promise," Renji said and Ichigo looked down. _

_**End************_

Renji told Isshin he'd be going back to Ichigo's apartment, and he did. The place still smelled like Ichigo, even though it had been a few months sense Ichigo had been in it. Renji walked into the bed room and flopped on the bed, he was exhausted....

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

Ichigo was running, the small house was surrounded by woods, he was confused, he didn't know how he got to this small house. But someone was screaming for him to come back. Even though he was confused his military training he was able to hide from the men chasing him. He was hurting, his whole body ached, and was covered in a cold sweat. Ichigo swallowed the lump in his throat and looked around quickly trying to find a place to hide.

_**Flashback************_

_Kaname watched Ichigo one of Kaname's shirts on. "Are you feeling better?" Kaname asked and Ichigo looked at him. _

_"Y-yea," Ichigo said fixing the collar of the shirt that was to big on him. "T-thank you,"_

_"Come, let us get something to eat," Kaname said holding his hand out for Ichigo. Ichigo took Kaname's hand moving against him, and followed his lead from the small room._

_It had been two weeks sense Kaname had started to take care of Ichigo, and the improvement in Ichigo's health was noticeable to anyone who had seen Ichigo when he had first arrived. Ichigo never left Kaname's side either, he always held so tightly to Kaname's hand, and the blind man seemed to not mind it at all._

_"How is your leg Ichigo?" Kaname asked and Ichigo looked up at him. "It's feeling better right?"_

_"Yes," Ichigo said quietly as the two entered the kitchen of the large house. Ichigo moved closer against Kaname as he saw Gin at the end of the large table and Kaname rubbed his thumb over Ichigo's hand in reassurance._

_"Do not worry," Kaname said. " Go sit, and I will bring food," Kaname said and Ichigo looked up at him. " Him and the others will not harm you," Kaname said._

_Ichigo let go of Kaname's hands and found a seat as far from Gin as he could get. Ichigo gripped the legs of his pants and stared down at the table in in front of him. _

_"It seems that you've been come rather close to him Kaname,"_

_Kaname looked over his shoulder at Aizen and Gin. " Gin had almost broken him," Kaname said quietly. _

_"You can get what we need from him now can't you?" Gin asked._

_"I do not think so," Kaname said and Aizen cocked an eyebrow._

_"Why not?" Aizen asked._

_"He may have been close to broken, but he will not give up those he cherishes," Kaname said. "He would rather die then allow the world of his loved ones to end," Kaname turned to Gin and Aizen. " You seem to be mistaken on how strong his will is. It will take longer then two weeks to get what you wish,"_

_"Do not forget what he is for Kaname, he is not one you are to fall in love with," Aizen said. _

_"I know sir," Kaname said. "Do not worry, I shall only get what I am required to, and then I will give him back to you," Kaname said. _

_"Good," Aizen said and walked away. Gin didn't seem as happy, but walked away as well. Kaname walked over to Ichigo and put the plate in front of him. _

_"They didn't seem to happy," Ichigo muttered._

_"War is very stressful," Kaname said. "Now eat, you need to get your strength back," _

_Ichigo picked at his food and closed his eyes. "I-I'm causing you trouble aren't I?" Ichigo asked._

_"It's nothing," Kaname said quietly and Ichigo looked down._

_**End************_

Ichigo screamed as arms snaked around his waist. "Let go!"

"Ichigo, it's me," Ichigo stopped struggling and closed his eyes. "That's right, don't worry,"

"......Renji," Ichigo muttered gripping the arms around him tightly. "Renji, .....Renji, ......Renji,"

"It's alright," Renji said in Ichigo's ear. "It's alright, I've got you, you're safe now,"

Ichigo's legs grew weak and Renji sank carefully down to the wet cold ground with him. "Renji," Ichigo said again closing his eyes.".....Renji,"

"Sh," Renji whispered putting his arm around Ichigo's head protectively. "It's alright," Renji said and Ichigo started crying clinging to Renji's jacket. Ichigo doubled over and Renji put his hand on Ichigo's back, rubbing softly. "Come on, we need to get you back to the safe house,"

"N-no," Ichigo said. "Can't go back," Ichigo shook his head and Renji sighed.

"It's safe, don't worry Ichigo, I'm going to protect you," Renji said rubbing Ichigo's back softly.

Ichigo sobbed, rocking and shaking his head. " N-no, _**he's**_ there," Ichigo said.

"Who Ichigo?" Renji asked but Ichigo only shook his head. "It's alright Ichigo, you can tell me," Renji said and Ichigo didn't answer. Renji shifted and lifted Ichigo up carefully. Ichigo wrapped his arms tightly around Renji's neck, and buried his face against Renji's chest. Renji carried Ichigo slowly back to the safe house where Grimmjow was waiting with the few other police that were protecting Ichigo.

"It only took you an hour to find him," Grimmjow said. "He's been running around the woods for the past two days,"

"It's not really that hard to track someone who's out of his mind," Renji muttered taking Ichigo into the house, to the small bedroom, and laid him on the bed. "It's alright Ichigo," Renji said brushing Ichigo's black hair from his face and sighed.

Ichigo groaned and squirmed and Renji took his hand tightly. Ichigo grabbed Renji's hand and held it tightly. " D-don't go,"

"I'm staying here Ichi, don't worry," Renji said quietly. "Get some sleep okay?" Renji muttered.

Ichigo closed his eyes tightly and within a few minutes was in a fitful sleep. Renji looked over his shoulder at Grimmjow who was standing in the doorway.

"I'm glad you got him to sleep," Grimmjow said. "It's easier to take care of him when he's calm,"

Renji raised an eyebrow. "So they only wanna take care of him because it's an easy job?" Renji asked.

"No," Grimmjow sighed. "I'm not trying to say that. But it's hard to control someone who's military trained while they're loosing their mind and think that the people trying to help them are evil," Grimmjow shifted.

"I know, I'm sorry, Ichigo can be a handful," Renji ran his fingers through Ichigo's hair and sighed. "You can tell them things should be a lot easier now,"

"Sure," Grimmjow said and left.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Renji leaned against the counter in the safe house's kitchen, a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. The two police officers who had been given the job to protect Ichigo were sitting at the table eating and playing poker. Ichigo was sleeping, he had been since Renji brought him back into the house.

Renji sighed and walked back into Ichigo's room, he sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through Ichigo's hair. Renji sighed and closed his eyes.

Ichigo started whimpering in his sleep and Renji put his hand on Ichigo's forehead. Renji leaned down and bushed the hair from Ichigo's face again "Ichigo, it's alright, you're safe," Renji whispered and Ichigo groaned opening his eyes.

"Ren....." Ichigo grabbed Renji's shirt, and pulled himself up against Renji's chest tightly.

"Yea, I'm here Ichigo," Renji said wrapping an arm around Ichigo's waist. "Try to relax, I know you aren't feeling very well,"

"It... it hurts," Ichigo said.

"I know," Renji said. " You've just gotta hold on for a little while," Renji said.

"D-don't make me do this Renji," Ichigo whispered.

"You've gotta," Renji said tightening his grip on Ichigo. "I know you don't want to be sober Ichigo," Renji struggled to keep his hold on Ichigo who began thrashing. "But you've gotta, once you've gotten through this part, it'll all be over Ichi, and you won't hurt any more,"

"Lair!" Ichigo screamed. "That's what _**he**_ told me, and _**he**_ was lying to Renji!"

"I'm not lying Ichigo," Renji said forcing Ichigo onto his back. "Now stop fighting," Renji said.

Ichigo screamed and started thrashing harder, and Renji gritted his teeth straddling Ichigo's torso and pinning Ichigo's arms with his legs. "Get off! Get off! Get off!" Ichigo screamed.

"It'll be over soon Ichigo, just ride it out," Renji said holding Ichigo's head carefully.

"NO!" Ichigo bucked, almost throwing Renji off. "J-just give it to me!"

"I can't do that Ichigo," Renji said. "You've gotta help me fight it Ichigo," Renji said and Ichigo glared up at him.

"I hate you Renji!" Ichigo screamed and bit his lip. Ichigo stopped thrashing and began trembling, closing his eyes tightly.

"It's alright Ichigo," Renji leaned down putting his forehead against Ichigo's. "It's gonna be okay Ichigo, just listen to the sound of my voice. Just listen to my voice, it's gonna be alright Ichigo," Renji said quietly, and wiped the tears that slid down Ichigo's cheeks away with his thumbs. "I'm gonna get you through this Ichigo, and then we can be together, alright?"

"R-Renji," Ichigo muttered.

"It's alright," Renji whispered.

"I-I'm sorry," Ichigo said quietly.

"I know," Renji said pulling away from Ichigo, and Ichigo rolled onto his side and covered his head. Renji reached out and put his hand on Ichigo's side.

"I.... I didn't want an-any of this," Ichigo whispered. "I didn't,"

" I know Ichi," Renji said quietly and Ichigo looked up at Renji.

"How can you stand me?" Ichigo asked. "I'm disgusting,"

"No Ichigo, you're not," Renji said.

"Yes I am," Ichigo said. "You have no idea what I've done, let people do to me," Ichigo shook his head.

"I don't care," Renji cupped Ichigo's face and leaned down. "None of what already happened matters to me," Renji pressed his lips lightly to Ichigo's. "You're past doesn't matter to me," Renji pressed his lips to Ichigo's again, a little bit longer this time. "All that matters is you getting better, and forgetting what happened, so you can think about what a life with me will be like," Renji said.

Ichigo's eyes grew wide. "You really still want me? After all I've done to you?" Ichigo asked.

"I told you before, you couldn't get rid of me that easy," Renji said and pressed his lips to Ichigo's again.

"Renji," Ichigo muttered and Renji smiled.

"Get some sleep alright," Renji said quietly making Ichigo lay back down.

Ichigo didn't fight, he just laid down, and closed his eyes, but Renji knew Ichigo wasn't asleep, and probably wouldn't for a while. Renji leaned back against the head board and sighed. Ichigo shifted next to him and Renji looked down. He smiled as Ichigo put his head on Renji's stomach.

"It's gonna be okay," Renji said putting his arm around Ichigo's shoulders. Ichigo gripped Renji's shirt tightly and curled against him.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo woke with a start, his body covered in a thick cold sweat and he reached up slowly and covered his face with his hands and sobbed doubling over. "Go away," Ichigo whispered.

The hand that rested against Ichigo's back felt like heaven and Ichigo leaned to his right, feeling the strong warm body there. "It's just nightmares," Renji said quietly running his fingers thought Ichigo's hair.

"No.... they're memories," Ichigo whispered resting his head in Renji's lap.

"Don't think about them," Renji said.

"I remember them for a reason," Ichigo looked at Renji.

"No you don't. And there's no reason for you to keep torturing yourself with the memories. Just forget them Ichigo," Renji said

"Renji," Ichigo closed his eyes. "I don't want to forget them,"

"Then tell me why?" Renji said

"B-...Because I love him," Ichigo whispered and Renji's eyes grew wide. "Even though I know I shouldn't and that he and I weren't even supposed to meet... I can't help but love him,"

"Who?" Renji asked, trying to hide his jealousy.

"He's dead so it doesn't matter," Ichigo said

"It does matter," Renji said and Ichigo looked at him again. "If you still love him, I deserve to know everything about him, so I can make you forget he ever walked this Earth," Renji gritted his teeth.

A small smile formed on Ichigo's lips that actually reached up to his eyes, and Renji stared at him. "You're really strange," Ichigo said.

"Shut up," Renji smiled. "I'm.... possessive, and I get jealous easily," He admitted and Ichigo smiled again and leaned against Renji's shoulder.

"I know," Ichigo said wrapping his arms around Renji's arm.

"Can you tell me?" Renji asked and Ichigo looked down at him. "About him?"

"His name is Kaname Tousen," Ichigo muttered. "I was sent to abduct him, and I got caught,"

"Stockholm's Syndrome," Renji muttered and Ichigo closed his eyes.

"When I first woke up, I was under the care of a man named Gin, it was.... bad," Ichigo shifted his head against Renji's arm. "After a while Kaname took care of me, he didn't torture me like Gin did, he was.... fatherly..... sort of," Ichigo grimaced and put a hand on his stomach.

Renji shifted. "Are you alright?" He asked. Ichigo gritted his teeth and looked up at Renji. "If you need something, just ask," Renji ran his fingers through Ichigo's hair and Ichigo relaxed, sighing heavily.

"I'll be fine," Ichigo said. "I... really want to tell you,"

"Alright," Renji said wrapping his arm around Ichigo's waist.

"When I recovered from being sick, and my injuries Kaname and I... we, I don't even know how it started really," Ichigo admitted.

_**Flashback***************_

_Ichigo stretched looking out the small window, down to the courtyard. Kaname and a few other soldiers were outside, and two were looking up at Ichigo. Ichigo gritted his teeth, he knew that around this base he was known for being the 'toy' as it were for the rest of the base, after all Gin had let almost every soldier have his way with Ichigo, there was lust in almost everyone of their eyes. Everyone but Kaname, who had 'seen' Ichigo in more compromising positions then all the rest, seen Ichigo's everything, yet Kaname wasn't lustful towards Ichigo in the least. Which was something Ichigo was extremely grateful for. _

_Kaname yelled at the soldiers staring at Ichigo and they jumped and began when they to do what Kaname said. Ichigo shifted and sat in the window seat and watched Kaname for a while, until he fell asleep, after all he had nothing else to really do......_

_Ichigo started to wake, when he heard the door to his room creak and slide against the wood floor, but he didn't open his eyes. He was to tired._

_Footsteps moved closer, so Ichigo forced himself to open his eyes enough to see a blurry figure move over him. "Are you awake?" Kaname asked._

_"Uh huh," Ichigo managed reaching up and rubbing his eyes carefully. "What is it?"_

_"I brought your dinner," Kaname said as Ichigo sat up. "I take it even though you are better, you are still very tired," _

_Ichigo nodded slowly, taking the plate of food from Kaname and set it on his own lap. "Why are you so nice to me?" Ichigo asked after a while, Kaname had taken a seat on the edge of the full sized bed in the room._

_"I'm not a monster," Kaname said and Ichigo looked at him. "It may sound strange to you also... that I feel protective of you," _

_Ichigo felt his face warm as he blushed. "Why?"_

_"You remind me of someone I knew a long time ago," Kaname stood and walked over to Ichigo. Kaname knelt down so he was actually level to Ichigo, and reached out, putting his hands on the orange haired teen's face. Ichigo's face grew even warmer as he blushed more, Kaname smiled. _

_"What are you doing?" Ichigo asked quietly._

_"Seeing," Kaname ran his fingertips carefully and slowly over Ichigo's face. "You remind me of her much, you may not think this but you are very beautiful," Kaname said, and Ichigo leaned against Kaname's hands._

_"I'm... scared," Ichigo whispered._

_"Why?" Kaname asked smiling softly._

_".... you're so close," Ichigo said. Kaname started to pull his hands away. "Please don't," _

_"You said I was to close," Kaname said. "Yet you don't want to take my hands away," _

_"... Yes," Ichigo muttered._

_"I have to admit, that I enjoy touching you," Kaname said and Ichigo looked at him. "Your skin is smooth, and you're very warm," Kaname said._

_Ichigo shifted and slipped off the window seat so he was pressed against the wall, but kneeling in front of Kaname. Ichigo was breathing a little hard, and his heart was racing in his chest. Ichigo reached out slowly and put a hand on Kaname's chest and moved forward, brushing his lips across Kaname's. "I-I... I don't know what to do, I'm so... so confused," Ichigo whispered and Kaname lifted his chin slowly, and pressed his lips against Ichigo, pressing his body against the slender teen._

_Kaname closed his blind eyes, and pushed himself fully against Ichigo, sliding a hand carefully to the side of Ichigo's neck, and the other on the side of Ichigo's face. He liked the feeling or the strong but slight warm body pressed against his, hearing the soft noises that Ichigo made against his lips. Kaname deepened the kiss, and slid his tongue across Ichigo's lips, and they parted in response, allowing Kaname to slid his tongue into Ichigo's mouth, exploring every inch, and causing Ichigo to moan, and lean his head back, giving Kaname dominance of him completely. Ichigo reached out, and grabbed Kaname's jacket holding onto his 'lifeline' tightly and moaned softly as Kaname's lips slid down his neck, the dark skinned man's breath rolling down Ichigo's skin._

_Kaname bit down on Ichigo's neck then, sucking and Ichigo's breath hitched and he moaned low and long, sending a shiver through Kaname's body, but Kaname continued to form the soon to be mark on Ichigo's pale slender neck. Kaname pulled away, running his tongue over the mark and Ichigo shivered and opened his eyes to look at Kaname, who though blind, knew golden glazed over eyes now stared at him. Kaname leaned down against and pressed his lips against Ichigo's getting a surprised gasp from Ichigo._

_**End***********************_

Renji tightened his grip on Ichigo as Ichigo finished telling when his relationship with his captor changed into a intimate one.

"I-It wasn't supposed to happen, I don't know why I did it," Ichigo felt sick, and quickly pulled out of Renji grip and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut glad he had enough time before his stomach heaved and he threw up dropping to his knees over the toilet. His stomach heaved again, and tears slid down Ichigo's cheeks, and he held his stomach tightly.

Renji waited, knowing Ichigo wouldn't want him in the bathroom with him just yet, and when it was silent he opened the door, and found that Ichigo had slumped against the bathtub, and fainted.

Renji walked over and picked Ichigo up with ease and carried him back to the bed and laid him down.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

**End of Chapter**

Thanks for Reading, I hope you've enjoyed this crazy chapter, and sorry it took so long to finish.

Anyways I was reading the Naruto manga and realized, I desperately wanna write a fanfic for Naruto, I freaking love the comic, and kinda already have a basic story and plot to go along with it. But I don't know who is gonna be Naruto's seme, it's so difficult, so I thought I'd asked my fans. So **Saskue, Gaara, Neji, Shikamaru, or Kiba?**

Well I'll wait a few days, write up the first chapter, which won't have the seme, and wait to see what you all have to say. But don't worry I will finish this story! I have no intention of letting this story die, cuz that's not nice.

Anyways again thanks for Reading,

Leave your vote for Naruto's seme with reviews and comments.

ConstantSnow


	7. Chapter 7

Warning: This chapter contains strong material that may offend some readers or be strong for young readers. Remember that this story is rated **M** for a reason and if you don't like it please don't read it. Also if you aren't of a mature age do not read this story. This story will contain sex between men, drug abuse, rape torture and other mature themes like I did state earlier. Please read with caution and if at any time you become uncomfortable, skip that part and continue to the rest of the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any related themes or characters. More over this story is purely fanfic.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Renji leaned back on the couch, his head hanging over the back, and he groaned closing his eyes, he hadn't slept, because Ichigo had tried to escape again, and was hallucinating, so he couldn't knowing, he would be the one to chase Ichigo through the woods again. Renji rubbed the bride of his nose slowly and groaned again, his body was stiff.....

But slowly, even though he tried to fight it, he drifted off...

_**Flashback**************_

_"What are you staring at?"_

_Renji swore and jumped, before looking up at Shuuhie who was standing behind him._

_"What do you want?" Renji asked turning his attention back at what he'd been watching closely._

_"Ah.... not this again." Shuuhie sighed sitting next to Renji. "Give it up already," Shuuhie leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and his head rested in his hands. "That boy is gonna send you to an early grave," _

_"I know," Renji said watching as Ichigo flirted with Rukia as they sat in a booth in the cafeteria. _

_" They look.... nice together," Shuuhie said. "But Ichigo will always look better with the arm of a guy wrapped around him," Shuuhie said absent minded and Renji looked at his friend._

_"Are you outta your fucking mind?" Renji asked._

_"You're thinking the same thing.... kinda anyway. You think Ichigo's to beautiful to be with a chick, that they don't stand up to him, no matter what they look like. I know that you think that Ichigo needs someone strong to hold him up because of what happened to his mom,"_

_"I don't think Ichigo would be better off with 'some guy' though," Renji said crossing his arms._

_" Well, whatever, you know what I meant," Shuuhie looked at Renji. "But I don't think you'll ever be able to push yourself to go that extra step and tell Ichigo that you want to be more then friends. After all if the relationship falls through, there will always be that tension in your friendship if it does,"_

_"I never knew a stoner could actually be wise," Renji said and Shuuhie smirked. "How high are you today really?"_

_"You know there's not a meter to measure the level of one's bliss," Shuuhie said and Renji laughed shaking his head. "But I'm completely... well not completely sane, but I know what I'm saying.... or trying to say," _

_"You're an idiot," Renji said_

_"Takes one to know one," Shuuhie chimed wagging his finger at Renji._

_"Asshole," Renji said._

_Shuuhie smirked. "But anyway Renji, just think about this, let Ichigo be happy with Rukia, even though we both know it's most likely not gonna work out, and when it falls through, you're gonna be there, I know to pick him up, and get him back with someone.... But why you even set him up with Rukia with your feelings I will never know," Shuuhie stood slowly and sighed. "Your mind is one fucked up mess y'know," Shuuhie walked off before Renji could even say anything and all Renji could do was laugh and shake his head at his friend before getting up and walking over to where Rukia and Ichigo sat._

_"What took so long? Lunch is almost over," Ichigo smirked dodging Rukia's hand trying to smear ketchup on his face. Ichigo laughed turning his attention to Rukia, and they continued their small food fight while Renji watched with a smile, while his heart was truly heavy and hurting._

_Shuuhie was right, Renji really was an idiot sometimes....._

_**End*******************_

Renji opened his eyes when he heard footsteps, but he didn't move until he felt the couch sink next to him, and Ichigo curl up against his side. Renji looked down, watching Ichigo curl and shift on the couch until he was comfortable with his head in Renji's lap, legs curled up against his chest, arms pressed between his legs and chest.

"You okay?" Renji muttered.

Ichigo didn't answer at first, just closed his eyes tighter. "....Don't make me leave," He whispered.

"Why would I do that?" Renji asked quietly reaching down and putting his hand lightly on Ichigo's side. "I like being close," Renji whispered rubbing his thumb across Ichigo's ribs that he could feel though the shirt Ichigo wore.

"I don't know," Ichigo whispered back and looked up at Renji. "I don't wanna be alone,"

"Alright," Renji said. "Go to sleep," Renji said and Ichigo nodded closing his eyes shifting to get comfortable.

_**Flashback*****************_

_Ichigo shifted stepping back against the wall. "W-what are you doing here?" Ichigo asked watching Gin shut and lock the door._

_"While Kaname is away Gin will play," Gin chuckled pulling a small black pouch from his pocket and opened it._

_Ichigo's heart skipped a beat or two when Gin pulled out a large needle filled with a strangely colored liquid and stepped towards Ichigo._

_"What is that?" Ichigo asked._

_Gin only smirked wider. Ichigo tried to run past him, and only managing to have Gin grabbed him by his hair and throw him into the wall. Ichigo gritted his teeth, and arched his back as he hit a hook in the wall. "No point in fighting me," Gin said as Ichigo tried to run past him again, and Gin pinned him against the wall. Ichigo gritted his teeth, eyeing the needle with wide eyes and tried to keep from trembling._

_"D-don't," Ichigo said quietly._

_"Oh but I'm going to anyways," Gin said putting the needle against Ichigo's neck, who's body stiffened at once. Ichigo closed his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth. "Good boy," Gin chuckled putting the needle slowly into Ichigo's neck, making the teen whimper and his mouth hang open. The liquid both burned and froze what it touched and Ichigo whimpered and thrashed against Gin who easily held him against the wall. "You make such pretty sounds," Gin licked the side of Ichigo's face, enjoying how the boy squirmed under him. "You'll start feeling it real soon," Gin whispered sliding a hand up Ichigo's side._

_"N-no!" Ichigo cried trying to struggle, but the room was distorting, things seemed to move that shouldn't. Ichigo couldn't get his limbs to work right, and his abdomen was on fire, and the heat was spreading to the rest of the teen's slender body. Gin ran his hand over Ichigo's clothed groin and Ichigo let out a low long moan, leaning his head forward against Gin's shoulder, panting slightly._

_"Maybe the dose was to much, after all you're so thin," Gin smiled pulling off Ichigo's shirt._

_"UhhhnNnn.... n-no," Ichigo gripped the sleeves of Gin's jacket squirming as the fire in his body grew hotter. "N-no.. ahhhHaan," _

_"How slutty," Gin said pulling Ichigo's pants down, revealing a straining and weeping erection. "How beautiful," He whispered licking down Ichigo's neck._

_Ichigo could only pant, and bite down on Gin's shoulder, feeling Gin taking down his own pants. "P-please.... d-don't," Ichigo whispered as Gin lifted him up against the wall. "I-I do-," Ichigo threw his head back and screamed as Gin thrust into him. Gin licked Ichigo's Adam's apple as it it quivered as Ichigo whimpered........_

_Ichigo lay on the floor, the drugs affects still assaulting his body, he was again covered in bodily fluids, his own, Gin's and others'. Ichigo clawed at the floor, trying to get himself into the bathroom, but his arms had no strength, and he only managed to break his short nails, and make his finger tips bleed. Ichigo knew Gin was going to come back, Gin had told him so, but if Ichigo could get into the bathroom, he could lock the door, and wait until Kaname was back._

_Ichigo felt sick as he rolled onto his back, arching so only his shoulder blades and feet touched the floor, and he cried out. Ichigo fell back on the cold floor as the door opened. A familiar chuckle rang in his ears._

_"Do you want more?" Gin asked walking over. Ichigo looked up at him and Gin knelt down, pulling another needle from his pocket. Ichigo's tear filled eyes grew wide and he tried to move away, but his body only shook. " Of course you do, it'll stop hurting," Gin grabbed a handful of Ichigo's hair, and turned his head, letting his neck show. Gin forced the needle into Ichigo's pale skin and Ichigo gasped and started panting feeling the burn and freeze spread through his body._

_"N-no," Ichigo closed his eyes and arched again, slightly and Gin ran his fingers down Ichigo's chest._

_"So beautiful," Gin whispered leaning down and taking one of Ichigo's nipples between his lips, and tugged on it. Ichigo moaned closing his eyes. Gin smirked against Ichigo's skin as the teen stopped struggling, and the drugs forced him into pleasure._

_" ..... M-more.....n-no.... ahhhAhhan...." Ichigo let his head roll to the left and he reached up with a shaking hand and put it on the back of Gin's head as the older man started to lick down Ichigo's body. _

_"See, isn't it better when you enjoy it Ichigo?" Gin chuckled looking up from Ichigo's naval. Ichigo was to far gone to reply, or even understand the words Gin had just spoken to him. Ichigo only moaned, and writhed on the floor, waiting for someone to get his body to stop burning, the ache in his body to stop....._

_ "What the hell is going on here! Get out!" Kaname yelled throwing the nameless soldier off Ichigo's filth covered body. "Who allowed you in?" Kaname asked throwing the soldier against the wall. For a blind man, he didn't seem like it._

_"G-Gin," The soldier stammered._

_"Get out," Kaname pushed the soldier towards the door and didn't move until the door slammed shut._

_Ichigo squirmed on the floor, his body still on fire. "K-Kaname," Ichigo moaned and the blind man flinched at the whining lust filled voice of the teen. "P-please.... r-release me," Ichigo moaned throwing his head back and Kaname moved towards him._

_"Be quite Ichigo," Kaname whispered picking Ichigo up off the floor, the slight contact made Ichigo moan, and Kaname's heart sink as he carried Ichigo into the bathroom. " I'm going to help you," _

_Ichigo opened his tear filled glazed eyes and looked at Kaname. "P-please," Ichigo whispered._

_Kaname set Ichigo into the empty bathtub, and turned on the cold water. Ichigo screeched thrashing and trying to get out go the cold water that splashed down on him. Kaname leaned over Ichigo holding him down. "Bare with it Ichigo, it will get better," Kaname said quietly struggling to hold Ichigo down._

_"N-no!" Ichigo pleaded. "N-no," _

_" It's difficult but it will be okay," Kaname said. Ichigo sobbed thrashing in the cold water. " Shh," Kaname stroked Ichigo's face. "Shh, my love," Kaname whispered. "It's going to be alright my love," Kaname placed gentle kisses on the side of Ichigo's face, not caring that his body was also being hit with the cold water._

_"K-Kaname," Ichigo gripped Kaname's arms tightly. _

_"It's alright, I'm not going to leave you again Ichigo," Kaname whispered putting his forehead against Ichigo's._

_After over an hour, Kaname turned the water from cold to warm, and began washing Ichigo who had fallen asleep. Kaname's clothes were drenched but he didn't stop to dry himself until after Ichigo was in dressed, in sweatpants that were to big for him, and a long sleeve shirt, also to large for him. Kaname put on dry clothes, then cleaned the mess from the room, that no one had seemed to clean since Kaname had left._

_"Oh...," Aizen stepped into the room, and Kaname kept his back turned as he wiped down a wall._

_"Why didn't you stop them?" Kaname asked finally._

_"I have a war to fight, I don't have time to worry about soldiers torturing a prisoner," Aizen said and Kaname's body tensed slightly. "I warned you not to grow attached Kaname,"_

_"It should not matter," Kaname turned to face Aizen, "he's just a child, enemy or not. I know you have morals against the abuse of a child Aizen. Gin was drugging him,"_

_Aizen glanced at Ichigo who was whimpering in the bed. "We need the information stored in his mind, and I'm willing to turn a blind eye to get it," Aizen said._

_"I almost had it!" Kaname snapped, surprising Aizen who had never heard Kaname raise his voice. "I've never forgotten the task you gave to me Aizen. He was telling me everything, he was so close to telling me everything. Betraying his own people for me, and you let Gin ruin any chance I had,"_

_"You never reported this too me," Aizen said._

_"Because, I didn't have the information yet," Kaname said. "You told me to speak to you only once I had broken into him, and there is no way for that now," _

_Aizen gritted his teeth but within seconds the calm nature returned to his face. "Then if we will get no information from him, there is no need to keep him so well treated," Aizen walked to the door. "We'll let the soldiers do as they please with him,"_

_"Aizen! I cannot allow that," Kaname said. Aizen raised an eyebrow with amusement._

_"It's an order Kaname, when he wakes throw him into a cell," Aizen said and left._

_Kaname gritted his teeth, and turned his eyes towards Ichigo...._

_**End***************_

Ichigo didn't want to move, something about his body didn't feel right, and he was afraid to find out what it was. So he laid, curled on the couch, against Renji, who was sleeping. Ichigo carefully rubbed his face with a sleeve covered hand and whimpered sitting up feeling blood run down his nose. Renji stirred not feeling the weight of Ichigo against him.

"What is it?" Renji groaned, his body stiff from sleeping on the lumpy couch. He looked down at Ichigo who was holding a sleeve against his nose. Ichigo looked at Renji. "Its alright," Renji stood slowly and helped Ichigo into the bathroom. He lifted Ichigo onto the counter and found a washcloth and ran it carefully under the sinks cool water. "Let me see," He said and Ichigo lowered his hand, and let Renji wash the blood away.

"I'm sorry," Ichigo whispered.

"For what?" Renji asked tiredly.

"I-I can't take care of myself," Ichigo whispered. "I'm a burden,"

"You're never a burden to me Ichigo," Renji said quietly rinsing the cloth, and returned to cleaning Ichigo's face. "I don't mind taking care of you either,"

Ichigo closed his eyes, feeling weaker then before, and tears slid down his cheeks.. "I-I'm sorry," He muttered.

Renji chuckled and cupped Ichigo's face, kissing away the tears as they feel, then pressed his lips against Ichigo's closed eyes. "I told you already, it's alright," Renji whispered touching Ichigo's face softly and placing light kisses on it, as Ichigo cried silently. "Shh," Renji muttered in Ichigo's ear. "No more tears, it's alright," Renji wrapped his arms around Ichigo's head carefully, letting Ichigo bury his face in the nook of his arms.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

"What is he doing?" Grimmjow walked into the house with a few bags of food and stopped seeing Ichigo sitting in the corner, doubled over with his head rolling back and forth slowly over his leg.

"He's trying not to sleep," Renji said taking a few bags from Grimmjow. "His nightmares have been really bad the last two days,"

Grimmjow and Renji walked into the kitchen. "Has the doctor come by the last few days to check on him?" Grimmjow asked.

"No," Renji said.

"Fucking bastard," Grimmjow sighed.

"How's the case going?" Renji asked.

"Trail starts in a week, so two weeks and you guys should be able to move out, with some protection," Grimmjow said and stopped as Ichigo walked into the room, counting the tiles that he stepped in, and bitting the end of his sleeve, which he seemed to have been doing a lot, because the sleeve's end was tattered. "Hello Ichigo," Grimmjow said and Ichigo looked up at him and smiled childishly.

Ichigo didn't speak though, he walked over to the table and pulled an apple from the bag Renji had and pulled himself up onto the corner counter and leaned back taking small bites from the sweet red apple, letting the juice run down his chin. Renji sighed and walked over to Ichigo who had pulled his knees below his chin. "Hey, what did I tell you about sitting on the counters?" Renji said stoking the side of Ichigo's face.

Ichigo smiled again and licked the juice from his chin. "S-Sorry," Ichigo said quietly. "But it's nice here," He said and Renji sighed and smiled too. Grimmjow stared confused, unsure if the relationship between them had turned from friends to lovers, or from friends to father and son. Grimmjow frowned, Ichigo was really breaking apart.

"It's alright, I'll let you for now, but when we eat dinner, you have to sit either at the table or on the couch," Renji said ruffling Ichigo's hair. Ichigo smiled again and looked down rubbing his thumbs over the part of the apple he hadn't bitten into yet. Renji looked at Grimmjow who nodded for them to go into the other room. Renji followed slowly and leaned back against the wall, taking the cigarette Grimmjow offered him, and light it after Grimmjow handed him the dark blue lighter.

"If this gets to much for you,tell me, and I'll get a specialist in to start caring for him," Grimmjow said.

Renji took a long drag from the cigarette and closed his eyes letting it out. "No, I'm not letting anyone else see Ichigo like this," Renji said. "Ichigo doesn't know what he's doing, he's acting childish to escape what he's afraid of. He doesn't like to show weaknesses to any one but me, so that's all he's going to have to show weakness to," Renji looked up at Grimmjow.

"This can't be easy," Grimmjow said.

"I never said that it was," Renji said rolling his cigarette between his fingers. "But I have to do this,"

"You don't have to do anything. My department has the money to take care of Ichigo, you can go back to your life," Grimmjow said.

"Ichigo is my life," Renji said. "And right now, I'm the only tie to life he's got, and I'm not gonna leave him, not again,"

Grimmjow leaned back against the back of the couch and frowned. "Alright," He said finally. "But if it ever gets to be to much, and you need a minute to go out and think, just call and I'll come over,"

Renji nodded sighed rubbing his forehead slowly.

Ichigo peaked around the corner and smiled. "Renji," He said and Renji looked at him, the smile returning to his face.

"What is it?" Renji asked following Ichigo back into the kitchen. Grimmjow frowned however.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo sat on the arm of the couch, watching cartoons and chewing on the end of his sleeve, his eyes were glazed over. He wasn't really all there as it were, he was starting to fall asleep, but at the same time, trying to stay awake. Ichigo whimpered and doubled over feeling sick and he rubbed his stomach softly and muttered to himself inaudible words.

Renji was in the kitchen, making lunch, and Ichigo really didn't want to bother him, that's all Ichigo had been doing for the past week, bothering Renji who had college books spread all over the kitchen table that Grimmjow had brought him, along with a laptop. Renji was taking college classes on line, and babysitting Ichigo who's mentality was about the age of twelve and seemed to still be diminishing quickly to an even younger age, where Ichigo was in less pain. After all Ichigo was still troubled over the death of his mother who was murdered when he was nine.

Renji came into the living room, and set the plate on the coffee table and knelt in front of Ichigo. "Are you alright?" Renji asked putting his hands on Ichigo's back.

Ichigo nodded slowly, making a soft whimpering sound. "...okay," He said.

Renji rubbed his back for a few minutes then stood slowly. "I'll bring you your drink," He said and walked into the kitchen and poured a drink slowly then stopped putting the glass on the counter and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, trying not to yawn. He was exhausted, if you'd ever taken care of a sick child before you'd understand. Ichigo had been throwing up for the past three days, running a fever and hallucinating again, which wouldn't have been so bad if he really was only twelve and Renji didn't have to work so hard to hold him down. But the six foot slender but strong male was hard to control, most of all when he thought of you as a monster he had to kill.

Renji rolled his shoulders and inhaled deeply, and exhaled slowly, returning to calm, and walked out with the glass of juice he had poured for Ichigo. Ichigo was back in the corner again, his head on his legs, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach, and he was rocking slightly, muttering to himself. Renji set the glass on the coffee table and walked over to Ichigo.

"Hey, Ichi," Renji knelt down and Ichigo looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... I'm okay," Ichigo said.

Renji smiled softly. "Come on, let's get you into bed," Renji said.

"I don't wanna go into that room," Ichigo said his eyes getting wide. "There was a man in there,"

"It's okay, he's gone now," Renji said pulling Ichigo who was still so thin up with ease. "You need to go to sleep," Renji said rubbing Ichigo's back as he lead his friend into the room.

"Will you stay?" Ichigo asked as Renji laid him down.

"Yea," Renji said and leaned back against the headboard, letting Ichigo snuggle up against him, resting his head on Renji's chest. Renji wrapped his arm around Ichigo's shoulders and closed his eyes. Renji knew he'd only be able to get about an hour of sleep before he had to go work on his work, before Ichigo was up again. But he waited until Ichigo's breathing had slowed and found sleep himself.

_**Flashback*****************_

_Renji stood away from the grave where Ichigo stood, they were shipping out tonight, so Ichigo wanted to visit his mother's grave, Renji promised to go along. Now Renji was standing under the shade of a willow tree, watching Ichigo who was dressed in his military dress uniform, bent down so he was eye level with the grave stone. Ichigo was just staring at it, his eyes glazed over, his hands balled into fist, and then he stood, still looking down at the stone, his hands at his sides, shaking slightly._

_Renji bit his bottom lip and walked over slowly, and put his hand on Ichigo's shoulder._

_"She'd hate that I'm going to go kill people," Ichigo said quietly. "She wouldn't even kill an ant," He laughed and ran a hand over his face._

_"I know man," Renji said quietly. "She'd still be proud of how strong you've gotten," Renji added_

_Ichigo closed his eyes, and hung his head. And the two stayed silent until Renji's watch went off, telling them it was nearing 8 and it was time for them to head back to base, and get ready for the long flight to battle. Ichigo reached out, and touched the grave stone, then walked past Renji, and to the car, before Renji even turned the alarm off on his watch. Renji got into the drive's seat and started the car. Ichigo looked out the window, watching as the exited the graveyard, then as they passed the school, then the park where they played football on Sundays._

_"Do you need to stop at home?" Renji asked._

_"No, I talked to my dad and sisters yesterday night, we went out to dinner," Ichigo said fixing his jacket sleeve. "It was nice, Yuzu insisted I wear my combat clothes, wanted to see what they looked like on me. She's so silly," Ichigo smiled sadly. "Karin she just stared at me for the longest time, drove me nuts," _

_"Your sisters are always so funny." Renji said smiling, glad Ichigo was talking._

_"Yea I know, my dad was still his crazy self too," Ichigo said and looked at Renji. "You should've come, and not stayed home alone, they're your family as much as they are mine," Ichigo said._

_"I know," Renji said. "But I was fine," He insisted with a smile._

_Ichigo looked back out the window, blushing lightly. "I wish you would've come, it would've been the last peaceful time we had together for god knows how long," Ichigo said. Renji shifted his hands on the steering wheel, unsure if he should bring up the topic on his mind._

_"Ichi," Renji said._

_"Yea?" Ichigo looked at him._

_"If anything happens to me," Renji started and Ichigo's eyes grew wide. "I signed the papers saying I wanted you to get all my stuff, and to have the rights over my body," _

_Ichigo bit his bottom lip and looked away. " Don't talk like that," Ichigo said. "You said we weren't even gonna see combat anyways, nothings gonna happen," Ichigo whispered._

_"But if something does, I wanted you to know now," Renji said. Ichigo nodded slowly as the airport came into view. Renji parked the car and they got their bags and walked in silently and to the rest of the group of soldiers shipping out today. Ichigo couldn't bring himself to look at Renji... how could he after what Renji just said?_

_**End**************_

Renji woke up stiffly and got carefully out of bed, so he didn't shake Ichigo. He went into the kitchen and sat at the table and started working, ignoring the voice in his head telling him to go get back into bed with Ichigo, and to forget his work for now.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo woke up and slipped out of bed, his bare feet making no noise against the hard wood floors. He went into the kitchen and found Renji asleep at the table. Ichigo bit his bottom lip guiltily and went back into the bedroom and grabbed the blanket and went back into the kitchen and wrapped it over Renji's shoulders, before going back into the living room and sat on the couch turning on the t.v. but he didn't watch it, he was again distracted, his eyes went wide with fear as a man stared at him from the window. Ichigo stood slowly, and the man broke the window and Ichigo screamed as the man climbed in and rushed at Ichigo, throwing him back against the wall.

"What is it-" Renji swore and lunged at the man pinning Ichigo to the wall. "Run Ichigo!" Renji yelled struggling with the man. Ichigo shifted. "Go now!" Ichigo ran out the door, and into the woods, leaving Renji to fight the man in the house. Ichigo ran and ran until his legs gave out on him and he slumped against a tree panting for air and pulled his knees to his chest.

Ichigo covered his mouth trying to keep from crying out in fear, and he tried to get his legs to start working again, for him body and mind to stop being so afraid so he could go help Renji fight the man who broke into the safe house.

Tears slid down Ichigo's cheeks and he whimpered putting his head on his knees. '_Why am I so fucking weak?'_ He thought. '_I'm sorry Renji.... Please be okay,'_

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Renji gritted his teeth and let the man's neck go and slumped back panting hard, and nursing the bullet wound in his shoulder. "Fuck," Renji forced himself up against the wall and into the kitchen and grabbed the phone before slumping back down to the floor and dialed Grimmjow's, Renji closed his eyes, knowing he didn't need to say anything, he was so fucking tired, he leaned his head back against the wall and slept.....

When he woke up Grimmjow was leaning over him, he was laying on the couch as a doctor worked on his arm.

"Did you find Ichi?" Renji asked.

"Yea, he's in the room sleeping, he's sedated for now, and we're gonna move you guys to another safe house," Grimmjow said. Renji winced as the doctor pulled the pulled from his arm. "You're doing pretty well I'd say, took a bullet and took out that guy with your bare hands,"

"I didn't kill him did I?" Renji asked.

"Nope, you've gotta lot of control," Grimmjow said. "Choked him within an inch of his life, is what the good doctor says,"

"Was it Ikkaku?" Renji asked.

"No, Ikkaku got shot after posting bail," Grimmjow said. "We don't know who it is, and since my covers over, we've gotta send someone else under to try and figure out who the hell is after Ichigo now. It's strange though, Ichigo wasn't a dealer, he was just close to Ikkaku, and now that Ikkaku's gone, Ichigo should be able to drop off the radar unless another dealer just _wants _him," Grimmjow rubbed his chin.

Renji watched the doctor stitch his arm and the he sat up. "I'm gonna go check on Ichi," Renji said walking into the small bedroom and sighed seeing Ichigo had dirt caked on his face, and was staring blankly up at the ceiling. "Ichi," Renji said and Ichigo looked at him.

"Renji," Ichigo whispered. "I'm sorry,"

"It's alright, I'm glad you're safe," Renji walked over to the bed and laid down next to Ichigo. "And I'm fine too so it's okay,"

"He looked familiar," Ichigo said closing his eyes feeling heavy. " I don't remember where from through,"

"Don't worry about it, I took care of him," Renji said stroking Ichigo's hair. "You can go to sleep now,"

"You too," Ichigo said his head rolling against Renji's good shoulder and his breath tingling Renji's skin. "You're exhausted,"Ichigo slept and Renji looked up at Grimmjow.

"We're setting up transportation to the new safe house, it's gonna be about an hour or two so you can get some shut eyes, we've got the place covered now," Grimmjow said and Renji nodded closing his eyes.

Ichigo sat against Renji in the large truck as Grimmjow drove, and another cop sat in the passenger seat, there was another police car in front of them, and one behind. Ichigo looked up at Renji who was sleeping, then Ichigo looked down at the bandage over Renji's shoulder and grimaced, it was the second time Renji had been injured protecting Ichigo from an attack, the first time had been in the war, and now the stupid gun shot from the man who refused to give up who had sent him after Ichigo. But it didn't matter, they were getting a new location and soon everything would blow over, and be fine. Ichigo was feeling better, on the last parts of withdrawal and starting to feel better. He still however was having the nightmares and flashbacks, having trouble sleeping, but he was doing better, he was going to make sure he got better, so Renji didn't get hurt again.

"Stop staring at it," Renji mumbled and Ichigo looked up at him. Renji opened an eye groggily and looked at Ichigo. "It's fine, I told you yesterday,"

"I know," Ichigo said with a smile. "You're stronger than you look,"

"Damn right," Renji chuckled resting his head on Ichigo's lap. "Now relax," He closed his eyes again and Ichigo smiled running his fingers trough Renji's red hair. Renji sighed and any tension in his body vanished as Ichigo messed with his hair.

"I love you Renji," Ichigo whispered and Renji looked up at him.

"I love you too Ichi," Renji said taking Ichigo's other hand in his, and resting their hands in Renji's chest. "More then anything else in the world,"

Ichigo smiled and looked out the window still playing with Renji's hair, and still holding tightly to Renji's hand.

Grimmjow glanced at them from the rearview mirror and shook his head and smiled softly.

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**End of Chapter 7**

It's shorter then the last chapter, but I have to admit I think I still did a good job. I know I've probably confused you with the random man trying to kill Renji, but it's all good, it gets explained I promise. ^_^

Thanks for Reading, Review and Comment, and don't forget you still have to vote about my Naruto fanfic I'm going to write. Who is going to be our lovely Naruto's seme? Sasuke who already has a vote, Shikamaru? Neji? Gaara? or Kiba? Please vote vote and vote!

ConstantSnow.


	8. Chapter 8

Warning: This chapter contains mature themes, that some readers may find inappropriate, if you are underage, or do not like relations between me, then please do not read.

Disclaimer:I don't own Bleach or related characters or themes. This story is purely fan fiction

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It had been two weeks since Ichigo and Renji had been moved to the new safe house....

Ichigo was standing in the kitchen, making lunch for Renji who was resting on the couch. Ichigo smiled and glanced at Renji, who had a book on his legs, and had an open notebook in his hands. Ichigo picked up the plate and the drink for Renji walked into the living room of the small nice apartment. "Here's dinner," Ichigo said putting the food down for Renji who looked up at him and grinned.

"Why thank you love," Renji said setting his books down.

"Hmm," Ichigo blushed as Renji grabbed his waist, and pulled Ichigo down on his lap. Their lips touched together softly, then Ichigo wrapped his arms around Renji's neck and they deepened the kiss. REnji ran his tongue over Ichigo's bottom lip and he moaned softly opening his mouth as Renji's tongue assaulted his mouth pleasantly. Renji ran his hand up Ichigo's side, lifting the tight shirt from his chest.

"You're getting your muscle back," Renji said kissing down Ichigo's chest slowly.

Ichigo closed his eyes as Renji tugged on his right nipple ring with his teeth. "... ahh... Renji," Ichigo moaned softly shifting to straddle Renji's lap. Renji smiled, running his hands up Ichigo's back, lifting Ichigo's shirt completely off, and kissed over the many small scars and the two large ones that x-ed across his pale slender chest. "F-feels good," Ichigo said and Renji smiled running his lips over the scar softly.

"Lean back," Renji said, and Ichigo leaned back against Renji's bent knees and Renji chuckled again, and pulled down Ichigo's sweatpants slowly revealing the trail of smooth orange hair leading to Ichigo's groin. Renji ran his fingers over it slowly, but stopped when there was a light knock on the door, and Renji groaned and fixed Ichigo's pants. Ichigo got up carefully and jumped as Renji pinched his hip. Ichigo looked at Renji, then walked to the door, and looked through the peak hole.

"Urahara?" Ichigo muttered and opened the door slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"Official business," Urahara said. "Can I come in?"

"H-how did you find us?" Ichigo asked as Renji moved behind Ichigo.

"I woke for the US government, I can find two people in protection with the police," Urahara said. "So can I come in?"

Ichigo nodded slowly and let Urahara in. Renji wasn't as pleased at the blond being in the small apartment. "So explain," Renji said pulling Ichigo back against his chest. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I've got something to discuss privately with Ichigo," Urahara said.

"You can tell Renji what ever you need to me," Ichigo said putting his hands over Renji's arm that was around his waist.

"Are you sure? It's a rather sensitive subject to you," Urahara said. Ichigo shifted and nodded. "Two of them are still alive,"

Ichigo's eyes grew wide and he tightened his grip on Renji's arm. "Are you sure?" Ichigo asked and Urahara nodded. Ichigo refused to let his legs give out on him. He gritted his teeth. "W-which two?"

"Tousen, and Gin," Urahara said and Ichigo felt sick, he pulled away from Renji and rushed into the bathroom, his stomach heaving, part of his eaten dinner splashing in the toilet. Ichigo closed his eyes tightly and his stomach heaved again.

"Ichigo, are you alright?" Renji asked stepping into the bathroom. He put his hand on Ichigo's back who shrugged it off and faced Renji.

"T-they can't be alive," Ichigo muttered. "W-why them? Any of my other marks, I'd take any of them, n-not Kaname,"

Renji reached forward and started to pull Ichigo against him who fought to get away. "Stop fighting me Ichigo," Renji said pulling Ichigo tightly against him, and Ichigo gripped Renji's shirt tightly and put his head on Renji's chest, Ichigo was shaking, and breathing hard.

" I c-can't... they have to wrong, it's not them," Ichigo shook his head and closed his eyes tightly.

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Ichigo was sitting in the kitchen staring into the bottom of the cup of water Renji had given to him. Renji stood in the living room, staring at Urahara who still hadn't left.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" Renji asked.

" Gin, is in the country," Urahara said. "How he got into the country, we aren't sure and don't know where he is, Kaname however, we know about. Where he is, and what he's doing,"

"Start talking," Renji said.

" He's looking for Ichigo," Urahara said. "Kaname was never considered a war criminal so we have no right to detain him. But we're still keeping a eye on him,"

" What about the other freak?" Renji asked.

"Well, we know he's in the state, but that's about it," Urahara said. "He's pretty hard to find,"

"Well find him," Renji snapped.

"Well we can't," Urahara said. "We're hoping that Ichigo can, we know he's recovering, and we want him to track Gin,"

"No," Renji said bluntly. "Are you out of your damn mind?"

"Ichigo is the best tracker we've seen in years, he's a natural, if anyone can find Gin, Ichigo can," Urahara said.

"You're throwing him back into the shit he's trying to get over," Renji said. "No way in hell,"

"Ichigo is still on active duty, and as his handler, I am able to chose the missions Ichigo takes on, and he's taking this one," Urahara said.

"What's gonna stop me from putting a bullet between his eyes huh? Urahara?" Ichigo came into the room.

"Gin's a war criminal, and needs to be put on trial," Urahara said and Ichigo laughed.

"You don't have to tell me what Gin is, I know what he is," Ichigo walked up so he was barely an inch away from Urahara's face. "If I see him, I will kill him, there's not a damn thing you'll be able to do to stop me," Ichigo said his eyes turning into slits. "I'll make sure to send you his head in a box, but that's the only part you'll get. You know what I can do, and make it impossible for anyone to ever figure out what I did, or if I actually did it," Ichigo stepped back from Urahara. " I'll do it though,"

"Ichigo!?" Renji looked at him, and Ichigo looked back at Renji.

"I can handle it Renji," Ichigo said.

"I don't doubt that," Renji said. "But it's way to soon for you to be doing this,"

Ichigo's cheek twitched and he walked into the kitchen and Renji followed, watching Ichigo lean against the counter, gripping it tightly with both hands, and letting his head hang. Renji walked forward, pressing his chest against Ichigo's back, and wrapped his arms around Ichigo's body. Renji put his head on Ichigo's shoulder blades and closed his eyes.

"I know you really want to see this guy dead Ichigo, but you aren't ready to see him you're just getting over what he did to you," Renji said feeling Ichigo's chest labor against his body. "Please, just let them deal with this, you don't belong to them, you don' have to do this,"

"I want to," Ichigo said. "It's been long enough that I know, I can stand in front of that bastard, and not tremble," Ichigo wrapped his arms around Renji's.

"Are you sure?" Renji asked.

Ichigo stayed silent for a while, then looked over his shoulder at Renji. "Yes," He said quietly but firmly.

Renji pressed his lips against Ichigo's, sliding a hand up, to tangle in Ichigo's hair tightly. Ichigo kissed him back, closing his eyes. Renji slowly pulled away, and Ichigo exhaled slowly, his breath shaking. "As long as you can, I'll support you," Renji said quietly.

Ichigo pulled away and walked out to Urahara. "Tell me everything," Ichigo said.

"Oh, I'm glad you're taking this job," Urahara said pulling a thick envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it to Ichigo. "This is everything we have on Gin, and Kaname," Urahara handed it to Ichigo who took it, closing his hand around it tightly. "I'll come back in a few days, to see if you really want to take on this job, and I'll get your equipment set up, your favorites," Urahara said and left. Ichigo didn't move until the door swung closed, then he simply looked down at the at the envelope.

Renji stood against the wall, watching the emotions that ran over Ichigo's face, until his face returned to it's calm state, and Ichigo sat down on the couch, and tore the end of the envelope off, and pulled out the thick stack of folded paper clipped papers, and unfolded them. "It's just like when I first started.... Urahara would show up in the hotel room I was in, give me a file, and leave, give me a few days to think of what I was gonna do, then gave me my equipment, and I started hunting," Ichigo said quietly as Renji walked around the couch and sat down.

"Did you ever kill anyone?" Renji asked and Ichigo chuckled.

"More then half the hits were killing people Renji," Ichigo said and ran his fingers through his hair. Renji watched, noticing that the roots of Ichigo's hair, about an inch was turning back to orange, while the rest was still black. "I hated it, but at the same time, I knew I was really good at it. I'm a good assassin, a good thief, a good murderer, a good soldier....," Ichigo said trailing off, his eyes going dull for a moment.

"Ichi," Renji said and Ichigo looked at him.

"Hmm?"

"You don't have to go back to this," Renji said.

"One last time," Ichigo said. "I do,"

Renji frowned, but nodded in understanding. "Which one do you want to find more?" Renji asked, his chest feeling tight. He knew Ichigo still had feelings for the man named Kaname, but he didn't know how strong or weak they were. And if Ichigo loved Kaname more, he'd leave Renji to be with Kaname.

Ichigo shifted and took Renji's hand, lacing his fingers with his. "Don't worry Renji, I'm coming back, to you, no matter what happens," Ichigo said and Renji looked at him. "I do feel things for Kaname, but they aren't like what I feel for you, and they never will be, I see that now. You're the most important person in my life, you've saved me, when no one else could, and I'm never going to leave you," Ichigo leaned over and pressed his lips to Renji, who quickly kissed him back, running his tongue over Ichigo's bottom lip, getting him to open his mouth. Ichigo moaned as Renji's tongue moved into his mouth, filling his mouth with a sweet yet spicy taste, that he'd come to love so much.

"I love you Ichigo," Renji said putting a hand on the side of Ichigo's face, who leaned against it.

"I love you too, more then I could ever say, Renji," Ichigo whispered, and Renji took his lips once more.

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Renji watched Ichigo, who was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, none of Ichigo's weaknesses showed themselves, but it wasn't the old carefree happy Ichigo from younger years. This Ichigo was serious, looking over the papers that Urahara had given him, a form of Ichigo, Renji had never seen. Ichigo stood slowly and stretched his arms over his head and sighed.

"What is it?" Renji asked.

"Nothing," Ichigo said looking at Renji. "But I know, now that Gin was the one who sent the guy now.... His face was familiar," Ichigo walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat on the counter as Renji walked in.

"Are you sure?" Renji asked stopping in front of Ichigo's legs, putting his hands on either side of Ichigo, resting them on the counter.

"I've got a pretty good idea where he's hiding too," Ichigo said taking a drink of water.

"I've never seen you so focused. Even your music, you had focus, but it wasn't so... tense," Renji said.

"Killing isn't music Renji," Ichigo said and Renji frowned.

"You don't have to tell me that," Renji said. "I wasn't in the war as long as you, but I still killed Ichi. Some people with my bare hands, I know," Renji said.

"I'm sorry," Ichigo said closing his eyes. "I know what you did in the war, was... difficult,"

"It's alright," Renji leaned forward, and ran his lips down Ichigo's jaw slowly. "I just don't like thinking about you with blood on your hands," he whispered placing light but passionate kisses on the side of Ichigo's face.

"I don't like to think about it either," Ichigo said putting a hand on the side of Renji's neck. "But I have to do this. I have to kill him, the last person I'll ever kill, it has to be him, it has to be Gin,"

"Sh," Renji pulled away, and stared into Ichigo's eyes. "Don't think of it, not for the rest of the night," Renji said.

"Ren... I can-"

Renji pressed his lips firmly against Ichigo's who moaned in surprise, and his eyes fluttered closed. Renji pulled Ichigo partially off the counter, and wrapped Ichigo's legs around his waist. Ichigo moaned again against Renji's lips, pressing his tongue into the red head's mouth, and a heated dance of tongue began as they pulled away slightly, leaving a gap where their lips could be seen licking each other, before Renji crashed his lips back against Ichigo's. Renji pulled Ichigo's shirt off, and leaned down, licking and kissing the pale skin he found, Ichigo leaned his head back against the cabinet behind his head and put a hand on the back of Renji's hair, tugging the hair tie free, letting the long red locks fall onto his chest. Renji pulled Ichigo's sweats and boxers down slowly and tossed them to the floor. Ichigo gasped feeling Renji's lips on his thigh.

"R-Renji," Ichigo moaned feeling fingers run up his thigh. "N-not here," He pleaded, but Renji didn't say a word, just lifted Ichigo from the the counter, and carried him to the bedroom, and laid him on the bed. Ichigo moved his hands above his head, and looked up at Renji who was pulling his shirt over his shoulder. Ichigo looked at the small scar from the bullet wound on Renji's shoulder.

Renji leaned down and pressed his lips against Ichigo firmly, before licking down his body. Renji cupped the back of Ichigo's knees, and lifted Ichigo's legs back around his waist, and kissed Ichigo's thighs softly.

Ichigo moaned. "R-Renji," Ichigo moaned again reaching down for Renji, who took Ichigo's hand and laced their fingers together for a moment and kissed Ichigo's hand then rested it on Ichigo's stomach. "Y-you're going t-to slow," Ichigo moaned again, as Renji kissed the tip of Ichigo's cock.

"Let me," Renji breathed looking up at Ichigo with lust filled eyes, and Ichigo moaned and looked away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as Renji's lips moved around his cock slowly.

"....AhhanaNnn," Ichigo tried not to buck his hips, and wrapped his legs tighter around Renji's waist.

Renji slid a hand up Ichigo's side, to his mouth. Ichigo didn't need to be told, he took the digits into his mouth and sucked them, how Renji was sucking him. Renji groaned around Ichigo's erection causing Ichigo to moan, and bite down softly on Renji's fingers. Renji pulled his fingers from Ichigo's mouth, leaving a trail of saliva from them to Ichigo's lips that broke.

Renji lifted Ichigo's hips and slowly pushed a finger into Ichigo's warmth, causing Ichigo to buck at the sensation and moan loudly. Renji moved the finger slowly, turning it, then pulled it out, adding a second finger as he thrust back in. Ichigo moaned again gripping the sheets in pleasurable pain. Renji spread his fingers thrusting them, trying to find the spot that would make Ichigo cry out. Renji added his third finger, and pressed deep, and Ichigo cried out, arching his back off the bed.

"Renji!" Ichigo cried.

Renji pulled his lips away from Ichigo's cock, making Ichigo whimper at the loss, and slowly he removed his fingers, making Ichigo whimper louder. "I don't have lotion, so it's gonna hurt," He whispered, pulling down his pants and boxers quickly; lining himself carefully with Ichigo's twitching entrance and slowly started to push in. Ichigo's mouth fell open in a silent cry and he twisted his hands in the sheets. Renji moved completely to the hilt, and stopped, panting hard as Ichigo clamped down on his cock almost painfully. He rested his head on Ichigo's chest, feeling Ichigo's hot breath on his ear, it drove him insane.

"M-move," Ichigo said, and Renji did, he pulled out almost fully, then thrust back in, and Ichigo's vision gave out for a moment, as Renji hit his prostate at once. Ichigo screamed closing his eyes, and Renji groaned in pleasure, as Ichigo's walls quivered around him. Renji grabbed Ichigo's hips tightly, and thrust again. Ichigo tried to catch his breath, moaning loudly and panting hard as Renji thrust into him. "... H-harder," Ichigo pleaded, and Renji thrust harder, gaining rhythm hitting Ichigo's prostate again and again. Ichigo writhed under Renji, reaching up and wrapping his arm around Renji's neck, and pulling the red head down, smashing their lips together in a messy passionate kiss, saliva ran down their chins, and Renji reached down and gripped Ichigo's weeping twitching cock and began pumping it, running his thumb over the slit. Ichigo lost all ability to think, only moaning, and crying out for Renji, who groaned, and panted.

Sweat covered both of their bodies, Renji plated wet kisses on Ichigo's chest, and saliva ran down Ichigo's chin as he panted hard.

"I-I c-can't hold o-o... ahhhaHaanNa," Ichigo arched again, and Renji moaned, trying to push Ichigo's hips down.

"Then... don't," Renji panted kissing the side of Ichigo's face, licking the hollow of his ear. Ichigo moaned.

"R-Renji...!" Ichigo screamed as he came, splashing the searing liquid onto his and Renji's chest, his walls clamped down hard around Renji, who struggled to maintain his rhythm of thrust, only managing to thrust a few more time, before releasing into Ichigo, who was still writhing and moaning from his release. Renji roar out his release, then slowly stopped, laying on top of Ichigo for a moment, trying to catch his breath, Ichigo trembled beneath him, panting on Renji's shoulder.

Renji pulled out slowly, sighing and laid next to Ichigo. He closed his eyes as Ichigo slowly rolled over, resting his head on Renji's chest. Renji wrapped his arm around Ichigo.

"I love you," Ichigo whispered.

"Love... you too," Renji breathed.

They slept, finally calm spreading completely between the two of them, for the first time in months. Renji's arm wrapped tightly around Ichigo's torso, and Ichigo's head resting on Renji's chest, peaceful expressions on both faces.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

**End of Chapter 8**

I thought I'd leave yall on a high note with this chapter, because the next one is gonna be uber serious, and hell Renji and Ichigo needed a release, don't ya think? It's about time! Sorry it's short only 3000 words or so, where as the last two have been over 6000, but it's good, right?

Anyways, please review and comment

And don't forget to check out my new story Voice which is a Naruto fan fic. You still have to vote for Naruto's seme as well! There's 1 for Sasuke, 1 for Shikamaru, and 1 for Gaara. So please vote vote vote!

Thanks again for reading.

ConstantSnow


	9. Chapter 9

Ichigo untangled himself from Renji's arms and slipped off the bed, and went into the bathroom, and turned on the hot water. His entire body ached, and his muscles quivered just from standing, figures Renji'd be able to do something like that to his body.

Ichigo stepped into the shower, and sighed as hot water poured over him. Ichigo closed his eyes and leaned his face up into the water and sighed heavily, his lips parting slightly as water rushed over his face.

_**Flashback***************_

_Ichigo stood staring out the window of the hotel room he was staying in, he spotted Urahara, first thing, and knew that the two days he'd been promised to relax from his last mission had been forgotten. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and Ichigo opened it, letting Urahara in._

_"I was promised a break," Ichigo said walking back into the room, and grabbing a bottle off the table._

_"War keeps no promises," Urahara said setting a file on the coffee table. "You've got sixteen hours to decide," _

_Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Usually I have forty-eight," Ichigo walked over and picked up the file. "What's so special about this Kaname Tousen?" Ichigo asked opening the file._

_"He's got intel, we need," Urahara said._

_"So no shooting?" Ichigo muttered glancing at the sniper that was laid out on the round table in the corner. Ichigo had been cleaning it, it lay in pieces along with cleaning supplies._

_"You can shoot anyone but Kaname," Urahara said. "Nice shot by the way, I saw it on the news, how far away were you?"_

_"13 miles," Ichigo said setting the file back down._

_"You modified your gun again I take it," Urahara walked over to the sniper, and Ichigo frowned._

_"Don't touch it," Ichigo said. "It'll defeat the whole purpose of my cleaning it for the past hour," Ichigo walked over and grabbed Urahara's wrist. "Besides, you don't mess with a guy's sniper,"_

_"Alright," Urahara chuckled. "Touchy touchy,"_

_"Did you look into what I asked you too?" Ichigo asked._

_"Your friend Abarai?" Urahara crossed his arms. "Yes, he's fine, in physical therapy right now, he wants to reenlist, but the wound hit nerve, so he's not allowed. Such a good soldier too, it's really a shame," _

_Ichigo looked away. "So is the military going to take care of him?" Ichigo asked._

_"He'll receive assistance where he needs or wants it," Urahara said. "He was awarded a purple heart the other day, local hero too," Urahara smiled. "I took pictures, would you like to see?"_

_"I've got work to do," Ichigo said._

_"That you do," Urahara said, and patted Ichigo's shoulder. "I'll come see you soon,"_

_"Don't worry about it," Ichigo said. "I'll take the job," He said_

_"Perfect, I'll inform the higher ups, they will be pleased," Urahara smiled. "Good luck Kurosaki," He said and left, letting the hotel room door shut on its own. Ichigo walked over and sat on the couch, opening the file, on the first page, a photo was paper clipped, a dark skinned handsome man stood, white sunglasses over his eyes, and his hair in braids down to his shoulders. He was wearing a white trench coat, and an orange scarf. Ichigo picked up the picture and leaned back taking a drink from the bottle he held. He didn't know why, but a strange feeling filled his gut, as he stared at the picture, he had unease about this job, but tossed it aside, and leaned forward again, and began looking through the file, getting the information settled in his mind._

_He read through the file, and worked out his plan until the sun went down, then ate his dinner in silence in the hotel then returned to his room, Ichigo changed into sweats and a tight t-shirt and was asleep by eight._

_Ichigo woke with a start , pulling a 9mm from under his pillow, and sat up right. After a few seconds his body relaxed and he sighed, setting the black gun in his lap and rubbed his face. He was getting paranoid, Ichigo shook his head and picked up the handgun and got out of bed._

_A light knock on the hotel door meant that Urahara had sent his equipment for the mission. Ichigo opened the door, took the silver case from the bell hop, and handed the boy not much older then himself a few bills, and closed the door._

_Ichigo set the case on the couch and opened the small fridge in the corner, pulling out an energy drink and twisted off the cap and sat down, and flipped open the case. Ichigo could only smile, even though he hated this job, sometimes it had perks, like the stacks of money that he could use, he sent two bills from each country he went to to Karin and Yuzu along with a letter just so they knew he was okay. Ichigo couldn't tell them where he was or what he was really doing, so he just said that he was base hopping, going where he was needed, which wasn't really all that far off, he just wasn't going to bases. He was staying in nice hotels, and stealing, or assassinating people in large crowds.... _

_Ichigo took two 5 dollar notes from the stack and picked up the envelope off the table that had three letters in it, one to his dad, and one two each sister. He stuck the two bills into it, Ichigo had probably sent nearly four hundred dollars worth of foreign money to his sisters, he wondered what they were doing with it. He smiled sadly thinking of his sisters, the sealed the envelope. Ichigo sighed, he had work to do, no time to think of families._

_Ichigo got dressed, packed his things, took the letter for his family, and the one for Renji and stuffed it into the chest pocket of his tight black leather trench coat and buttoned it and walked down to the front desk and handed the room key._

_"Thank you for staying sir," The woman at the desk said with a smile._

_"Can you mail these for me?" Ichigo asked setting the letters down on the counter top._

_"Of course sir, is there anything else you need?" The woman asked her kind smile never faltering._

_"No that's it," Ichigo said picking his cases up again and walked out to the parking lot and pulled the set of keys from his pocket, his old car was gone, and Urahara had left him a new one. He pressed the unlock button on the remote and watched the lights of a navy truck flash, he walked to it, setting his sniper case under the back seat, and the bag of his clothes on the back seat, then the silver case on the front passenger seat. Ichigo got into the driver's seat and started the truck. It was a three day drive to where Kaname was said to be staying. Ichigo pulled out of the parking lot and speed off. This part of the country hadn't seen war yet, but in the far distance, Ichigo could see smoke from fire, and was thankful he was heading away from it._

_**End******************_

Ichigo got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist and went into the bed room, where Renji was still sleeping. Ichigo leaned over him, and pressed his lips to Renji's cheek.

"Why you up so early?" Renji muttered.

"It's noon," Ichigo smiled.

"Yea, it's to early, we were up late last night," Renji said.

"I've got work to do," Ichigo said. "Go back to sleep,"

Renji opened his right eye and looked up at Ichigo. "Can't it wait?" Renji asked. "It's cold now that you got up,"

"No, it can't wait," Ichigo said.

Renji frowned, but nodded and sighed.

"How's your shoulder?" Ichigo asked.

"Fine," Renji sat up slowly and watched Ichigo dry himself slowly.

"Your side?" Ichigo asked.

"It hasn't hurt for like a week," Renji said. "Why are you asking?"

"I was just thinking about it in the shower," Ichigo admitted pulling on blue boxers then faced Renji, leaning back against the wall next to the closet.

Renji smiled. "What is it? Why are you staring at me?" He asked.

"No reason," Ichigo said. "You know that tribal is sexy right?"

Renji chuckled standing slowly, and Ichigo noticed he still had his boxers on, and his jeans were unzipped and unbuttoned, and hanging low on his hips. "I do know," Renji said stopping so he was a few inches away from Ichigo, he put his hands on the wall on either side of Ichigo's head. "Did you just notice?"

"The last time I saw it, you only had it on your face and arms," Ichigo said. "Did you get it on the rest of your body after you came back?"

"Yea," Renji said placing soft kisses down the side of Ichigo's face.

Ichigo closed his eyes, leaning his head to the left so Renji could kiss his neck better.

Renji placed a hand on Ichigo's hip. "I left marks," He muttered and groaned as Ichigo ran his hands up his chest.

"Yea, so?" Ichigo said, pressing his lips to Renji's neck.

Renji smiled. "Nothing, just saying," Renji said quietly.

"Now, go shower, you smell," Ichigo pushed Renji towards the bathroom.

"That's not nice," Renji said looking at Ichigo who smiled and pulled on a pair of tight dark wash jeans. "You're just mean you know," He said smirking.

"I'm not the only one," Ichigo said. "Go shower,"

Renji shook his head and walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo sat in the living room, shifting through papers, trying to find one, as Renji came into the living room, his wet hair still clinging to his face, and a pair of pants low on his hips. "Loose something?" Renji asked.

"No," Ichigo said picking up the paper he was looking for. "Found it," He leaned back eyeing the paper.

"What is it?" Renji asked leaning over the back of the couch behind Ichigo, reading the paper.

"I'm not sure," Ichigo frowned scratching the back of his neck.

"Don't strain," Renji leaned down and kissed Ichigo's shoulder. He walked into the kitchen. "You hungry?"

"No, not really," Ichigo said standing as there was a knock on the door. He opened the door, letting Grimmjow and Urahara in. "Didn't think both of you'd show,"

"You can't seriously be thinking about taking this job," Grimmjow blurted out, and Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"He already did," Urahara said holding up a silver case. "I figured since you're going to be state side in an urban environment, that you should stay small scale," Urahara said letting Ichigo take the case from him.

"You're outta your damn mind," Grimmjow said watching Ichigo set the case down and flip it open. "I'm a police, I can't let you kill someone,"

"Then don't look," Ichigo said picking up one of the two 9mm and shifted it in his hand.

"Something wrong?" Urahara said.

"New brand," Ichigo said. "What happened to the old ones?" He asked.

"These are more effective," Urahara said.

Ichigo frowned and pulled out a clip, and pushed it into the gun and sighed. "They are lighter,"

"Yes," Urahara said

"Renji!? Have you not talked some sense into his skull?" Grimmjow asked as Renji walked back into the living room.

"I did talk to him," Renji said. "He can handle it,"

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow.

"I'll be fine," Ichigo said.

"I'll drop off a car in a few hours," Urahara said and left.

Grimmjow ran his fingers through his hair. "I risked my ass pulling you outta shit, that this blond bastard got you into y'know," Grimmjow said.

"I know," Ichigo said shoving the other clip into the other gun. "It's been a while since I shot a gun, I wonder if my aim's still just as good,"

"This is fucking nuts," Grimmjow said and stormed out, grumbling to himself.

Renji watched Ichigo holding the gun in his hand, and he shivered. Ichigo looked deadly, with a serious look on his face, and the black gun in his hand... '_Ichigo looks sexy right now,'_ Renji thought and shifted. "When are you leaving?" Renji asked.

"When Urahara leave me a car," Ichigo said standing. He looked at Renji, pulling the gun holster over his shoulders slipping the guns into it. "Are you sure you're okay with me doing this?" He asked. Renji nodded. "Thanks,"

"Just come back in one piece alright?" Renji asked.

"I will," Ichigo said. Renji walked over and pressed his lips against Ichigo's wrapping his arms around Ichigo tightly.

" I can't loose you again," Renji whispered. "I can't see you broken again,"

"You won't," Ichigo said resting his forehead against Renji's their lips hovering barely an inch apart. "I'm not leaving you again, "

Renji pressed his lips to Ichigo's again, more passionately, hungrily, and there was something else in the kiss.... Was it fear? No, Renji knew Ichigo was going to be fine, he knew, Ichigo would be okay this time. Renji pressed himself against Ichigo, who pressed back, wrapping his arms around Renji's shoulders.

"I love you Renji," Ichigo whispered, his lips quivering as Renji's brushed over his own.

"I love you too," Renji whispered back breathing slightly hard. Ichigo closed his eyes, and they stayed holding each other for a while, not speaking, just standing there.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

Ichigo walked into an old run down bar, making sure he kept his eyes open, and his other senses sharp. He knew he'd find Gin in a place like this, that Gin couldn't go anywhere above the grid without ending up in cuffs.

"What can I get fer ya?" The bartender asked.

"Nothing," Ichigo said.

"Ya sure kid?" The bartender leaned forward putting his forearms on the bar in front of Ichigo as he sat.

"Sure, you can help me then," Ichigo said. "I'm looking for someone,"

"What's in it for me?"

"It depends on wither or not you actually help," Ichigo said.

"Who ya looking for?"

"Guy, white hair, and a wide smile," Ichigo said.

"I don't think you wanna mess with that creep kid,"

"So you have seen him?" Ichigo asked. '_Finally'_ he thought.

"Yea he was in here two days ago," The bartender scratched his chin. "Said he was staying some place down on Fifth,"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Is that all?" Ichigo asked.

"He asked where he could find some kid, but I ain't never seen the kid, it was an old picture, kid looked no older then 16 or 17," The bartender said Ichigo shifted. "I do know that the kid was military, probably served in the last war, looked kinda like you, only with orange hair,"

Ichigo got up and walked from the bar and out to his car. He slid into the driver's seat and grabbed the cell phone Urahara had given him, and dialed the number on speed dial 1.

"I didn't think I'd be hearing from you so soon." Urahara's voice said.

"He's here looking for me," Ichigo said starting the car. "Both of them,"

"Is that a problem?" Urahara asked.

"No," Ichigo said. "But I think, it means Gin's gonna try and kill me," Ichigo said pulling from his parking spot.

"Shouldn't be a problem, people have tried to kill you before," Urahara said.

"True," Ichigo said heading down towards Fifth. "But, I want you to go to my family's place, keep an eye on them. After all Gin stole my military id remember, he's got my family's information,"

"Alright, alright, don't worry I'll send someone," Urahara said.

"No, I want you there Urahara," Ichigo said.

"Fine," Urahara said with a heavy sigh. "Want me to pick up Renji as well?" Urahara asked.

Ichigo shifted his grip on the steering wheel. "Yea," He said quietly.

"Alright," Urahara said. "What about Kaname?"

"He's not top priority right now," Ichigo said. "The crazy fuck is,"

"Keep a level head Ichigo," Urahara warned.

"Don't worry, I'll be calm, even after I pull the trigger," Ichigo replied.

"Ichigo," Urahara said.

"I gotta go, take care of my family and Renji," Ichigo said and hung up, flipping the phone closed with a loud snap.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

After searching Fifth street's many hotels and crappy apartments, without luck, he gritted his teeth his teeth. He leaned back in his seat and ran his fingers through his hair, and pulled the file from the glove box. He bit his bottom lip and read over it again and again, until something would click.

He had no idea where Gin was, just one thing... Gin was targeting Ichigo, which didn't really surprise him all that much, but Ichigo didn't want to set himself up for Gin. He didn't know if Kaname would have any idea about where Gin was.... but it was worth a try. Ichigo drove to the address where Kaname was listed and stopped outside the nice condo, and gripped the steering wheel and inhaled slowly looking up at the window, that was closed, but Ichigo knew belonged to Kaname's condo.

Ichigo got out of the car, and walked into the condo's man hall and to the front door, and knocked on the door.

It opened slowly, and Kaname appeared in the doorway. Ichigo's breath hitched and he shifted.

"You still smell the same," Kaname said quietly. I was wondering when you would come for me, Ichigo,"

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo asked.

"Please come in," Kaname said walking away from the door. Ichigo walked in and closed the door.

Ichigo looked around the condo, and shifted nervously. " Kaname, what are you doing here?" Ichigo asked watching the blind man walk around the glass coffee table. "Answer me!"

"I had to see you, one last time," Kaname answered looking towards Ichigo, who stepped back against the wall. "I don't have much time left, and I had to come,"

"Why?" Ichigo asked.

"Because.....," Kaname walked back over to Ichigo, reached up, and cupped Ichigo's face carefully. "I still love you, more then anything. I couldn't die until I was able to feel your face again,"

Ichigo pulled away. "How could you do this? Kaname?" Ichigo walked away to the other side of the apartment. "We were never supposed to be together, what happened between us was a mistake, and it was wrong," Ichigo shook his head.

"There is nothing wrong with love Ichigo," Kaname said.

"Yes there is," Ichigo said. "When it's formed out of pain and suffering and.... and..... damnit," Ichigo put a hand over his face and took a shaking breath. "I thought you were dead,"

Kaname walked over to Ichigo, pulling the slender body against his own. "Look at me Ichigo," Kaname whispered.

"No....," Ichigo muttered closing his eyes tightly as Kaname pulled his hand away from his face.

"Why did you come to see me then? Why are you here?" Kaname asked. "If not to see me?"

"Gin is here," Ichigo said and Kaname tightened his grip on Ichigo possessively and protectively. "I thought maybe you knew where he was,"

"No, I haven't spoken to Gin in since after my betrayal," Kaname said. "I have no way of getting into contact with him either," Kaname shifted, making Ichigo step back against the wall. "You knew that though, didn't you Ichigo?"

Ichigo hung his head with guilt and balled his hands into fist as Kaname held Ichigo's wrists between their chests. "I... thought that maybe you might know," Ichigo whispered.

"But you came for another reason," Kaname said.

"I-I'm.... happy," Ichigo said. "I have someone who loves me more then anything else in this world, and I love him s-so much it h-hurts but when I heard that you were alive.... S-something i-in me snapped," Ichigo looked up at Kaname who was staring into Ichigo's eyes with his all seeing blind white eyes. "H-How can you d-do this to me K-Kaname?" Ichigo asked. "I d-don't want to hurt Renji, b-but I s-still love you,"

Kaname leaned down and pressed his lips lightly against Ichigo's forehead, and Ichigo leaned his head back, his lips parting at the warm sensation. "I'm sorry Ichigo," Kaname whispered, running his hands up Ichigo's arms to take a light hold on his pale slender neck. "I never meant to hurt you, I want your happiness," He placed kisses down both sides of Ichigo's face lightly, tasting tears on his lips. "But... I just need one more moment to hold you, and I'll let you go,"

Ichigo closed his eyes again leaned back against the wall, as Kaname wrapped his arms around Ichigo. Ichigo put his head against Kaname's chest. "I-I h-hate you Kaname," Ichigo managed.

"I know," Kaname whispered running his hand up Ichigo's back lightly, making Ichigo arch slightly. "You should hate me with every part of your being for the pain I have caused you. I know you've been suffering all these years because of me. And.... I was glad that I was such a force in your life, that I could break you, with out even touching you," Kaname pressed his lips against Ichigo's who gave no reaction, Kaname pulled away slightly, then released Ichigo who slid down the wall, covering his head with both hands.

"I.... I was only 17," Ichigo whispered. "I g-gave my first.... to you willingly," Ichigo tightened his grip on his head, pulling his knees to his chest. "D-damnit, K-Kaname I thought you didn't believe in torture but you are torturing me,"

Kaname watched in silence but said nothing.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

"So Ichi is really all better?" Yuzu asked sitting close to Renji. "He's coming back soon?" She asked, a look of pain and relief on her face.

"Yea, he'll be home soon," Renji said.

"Thank you Renji,"Yuzu said and Renji looked at her. "I know you've like Ichi for a long time, and that you being there for him saved his life," Yuzu shifted and Renji noticed a box next to her on the couch. "I kept all his letters, from when he was away, I couldn't bring myself to toss them, he'd write about all these amazing places that he got to see, and people.... Then the letters stopped and I got really scared," Yuzu looked up at Renji. "Did he send you any letters Renji?"

"Yea, when I was in the hospital, he wrote every few days," Renji said. "Then the letters stopped too,"

Yuzu wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "When he started writing again, after he got out of the hospital, I noticed his writing had changed, I could feel the pain on the page, in the writing," Yuzu bit her bottom lip. "Now he's all better, and I wasn't able to help him at all,"

"As family, you don't have to be around to help," Renji said and Yuzu looked up at him. "A family is a part of a person, that no matter how far away or how broken a person is, will always feel them,"

Yuzu smiled sadly and leaned against Renji, who smiled softly and wrapped around her shoulders. "Thanks Renji," She muttered.....

"You've always been a big brother to her," Isshin said. "As much as Ichigo has been, more since Ichigo's.... illness," Isshin sat down in an armchair. "I'm glad you're here and that you helped Ichigo,"

"You know you don't have to thank me," Renji said.

"But I'm going to," Isshin said. "So thank you Renji, for saving my son's life, for healing him, where no one else could," Isshin said.

"He's not completely healed yet," Renji said looking away. "He's got a few more things to work out, that no one can help him with, but himself,"

Isshin didn't reply, just looked down at his rough hands rubbing them together to get the cold from them.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Ichigo had pulled himself together, and left the condo, and Kaname let him go, he knew Ichigo would come back, that there were still many things that needed to be said, ties that needed to be broken, and wounds to be healed, for both men.

Ichigo got into his car, and drove, until he was far enough away from Kaname that he stopped shaking. Ichigo leaned back heavily against the seat, and watched the snow start to fall on the windshield.... '_That's right... it's December..... Christmas is in two weeks,'_ Ichigo thought feeling the tension leave his body. '_I've gotta get through this... so me and Renji can spend Christmas together, as a couple.... for the first time'_ Ichigo closed his eyes and drifted off.

_**Flashback****************_

_A large snowball hit Ichigo on the left side of his head, and loud laughter followed and he looked around at Renji, who was doubled over laughing hard. Ichigo frowned and picked up a handful of snow and packed it into a perfect ball and threw it hard at Renji, hitting him in the chest as he stood straight. Ichigo crossed his arm proudly staring at Renji, and the two broke down into fits of laughter again, Renji came over pulling Ichigo into a loose headlock as they began walking towards Ichigo's. Renji would be spending Christmas Break with him and and his family, Ichigo was really happy about it too._

_"This has to be my favorite season, and my favorite holiday," Renji said and Ichigo looked up, putting his hands on Renji's arms that was still holding his neck. "Besides getting all the gifts, and gettin' outta school and all that junk," _

_"What do ya mean?" Ichigo asked._

_"You get to be close to the people you care about," Renji said. "Get to make them happy," _

_Ichigo grinned pulling away from Renji. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that you weren't a football player, but a chick," Ichigo shook his head and shrugged walking in front of Renji who frowned. "I mean come on, can you get any more mushy? This isn't a chick flick Renji," _

_"Don't be a brat," Renji said grabbing Ichigo and they struggled before slipping on the sidewalk and falling into the snow, with a soft thud, spraying fresh snow over the both of them._

_Ichigo blushed looking up at Renji who was over him. Renji exhaled slowly, and shifted, holding Ichigo's wrists tightly over Ichigo's head. Ichigo inhaled sharply feeling Renji's knee between his legs. Neither moved, afraid to give away the heat and lust building within them for the other. Ichigo's heart was racing and he could feel his face turn bright red from blushing, Renji even had a light blush on his face. _

_"R-Renji," Ichigo muttered._

_'_Come on say it Ichi, please'_ Renji pleaded in his head. "Yea?" He asked._

_"C-could you get off, there's snow getting into my coat," Ichigo said._

_"S-sorry," Renji got up quickly and pulled Ichigo out of the thick snow._

_'_ I'm such an idiot'_ Ichigo thought running his fingers through his hair as he lead Renji in awkward silence towards his house. '_ It's not that hard Ichigo, just say.... Renji I really like you, would you go out with me?'_ Ichigo bit his lip and opened the front door. _

_"Where's goat face?" Renji asked breaking the silence._

_"He took the girls out on a last minute Christmas shopping whatever, he'll be home in a few hours with dinner,"_ Ichigo said pulling off his coat slowly and tossing it on the couch. "You know just make yourself at home", _Ichigo said_. "I'm gonna take a shower first, gym was brutal," _Ichigo started pulling off his_ _long sleeve shirt, slowly, and Renji swallowed, and looked away._

_"Yea sure," Renji said and Ichigo went up the stairs. Renji flopped on the couch and covered his face, trying to will his erection away, but it wouldn't as the sounds of the shower turned on above his head, and he knew Ichigo was naked above him. Renji groaned. _'Stupid teenage hormones' _Renji closed his eyes and fell asleep, trying not to think of Ichigo._

_**End***************_

Ichigo woke with a start, and looked around, then groaned, the sun was starting to rise and he was still in the parking lot he had stopped in. Ichigo turned the car's heater on full blast and sighed heavily and put the car in drive and headed to see Urahara, he needed some more intel, something was missing, he had to find Gin.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

"What do you mean that's all you got?" Ichigo asked in disbelief as he looked at Urahara. "You've gotta have a little bit of information, even if you think it's useless Urahara, I need everything,"

Urahara sighed. "Alright," He said.

"So you were hiding something from me," Ichigo leaned back and bit the inside of his right cheek. "Spill,"

"Three nights ago, Gin was spotted watching kids in a park, a concerned parent called it in, by the time the police got there, Gin was gone," Urahara said. "Look for kids downtown, you might find Gin,"

"He will always be a fucking freak," Ichigo said grabbing his keys from his pocket as he stood.

"Remember, we're at home with lot's of civilians Ichigo, don't shoot him in public if you're going to," Urahara said. "Although I'd rather you left him alive,"

"War keeps no promises," Ichigo reminded.

"I can't believe you remember that," Urahara said.

Ichigo fixed his coat and left going out to his car, as his cell began to buzz, meaning he had a message. He flipped open his phone and read it. '_How did Karin get my number?'_ Ichigo thought, but smiled and replied to the message, before putting the phone into his pocket and started his car, and headed back downtown. There was a big snow hill kids like to sled at, and sense it was Saturday, it'd be crawling with kids.

Ichigo got there, and got out of his car, putting his hands in his pockets, and began looking around, before stopping and looking up the hill, and watching. When him and Renji were in middle school, they'd skip when there was fresh snow, so that they'd be the first to go down, they got in so much trouble when Ichigo's dad had caught them on time, but it had been so worth it.

"It's sweet to watch isn't it?"

Ichigo tensed, and looked to his left, Gin stood, the same wide smile Ichigo remembered, but there was a jagged scar running down the right side of Gin's face now. Ichigo reached into his coat, placing a hand on one of the guns resting in the hostler.

"Now now, there are little kiddies, and families, don't want to hurt them do you?" Gin asked raising an eyebrow.

"I'm a good shot," Ichigo said.

"I'm glad you've got your health back, and your spark," Gin said looking at Ichigo. "I'd be willing to shatter it, if you'll trade yourself for the kid I've got locked in the trunk of my car,"

"Fucking bastard," Ichigo growled.

"I'd say he's got about a good hour or two before the lights go out, I think I might've hit him to hard," Gin chuckled. "But if you don't want to play, I'll pretend this never happened, and you can to," Gin smiled wider, the started to walk away.

"Fine," Ichigo said. "Where's the kid?"

"I'll show you," Gin said leading Ichigo towards a line of cars, and stopped behind one, and leaned against the trunk. "Set your guns down and toss your cell in the gutter,"

"No," Ichigo said.

"Who do you think will react faster?" Gin asked. "Me shooting you? Or you shooting me?" Gin asked and Ichigo realized the end of a gun showing from Gin's coat. Ichigo gritted his teeth and pulled his coat off slowly, setting it on the trunk of Gin's car, and took the holster from his body, complete with guns, and Gin took it from him. "Phone too," Gin said.

Ichigo pulled his phone from his pocket and tossed it into the center of the street that was still covered in snow,a few seconds later, a truck rolled over it.

"You still follow orders so well," Gin said with a happy smile, and pulled handcuffs from his pocket. And tossed them to Ichigo. "Now I know you're double jointed, so cuff, and behind your back,"

Ichigo gritted his teeth. "Show me the kid first," Ichigo said.

Gin chuckled and opened the trunk, a small white haired boy lay shaking in the trunk, his eyes closed tightly, and blood running down the side of his face. "You know, none of the others I've seen have ever been like you," Gin said.

Ichigo pulled the kid from the trunk, and wrapped his coat around him, and set him on a bench, Gin watching him, the gun trained on the center of Ichigo's chest. Ichigo tightened the cuffs on his wrists, then moved his arms behind his back with two soft pops from his shoulders. Gin smirked. "Get in," He said.

Ichigo didn't reply, but carefully slipped himself into the trunk of Gin's car and let the lid slam shut over him. '_He's just the same....'_ Ichigo said moving his arms back over to the front of his body as the car started moving. '_Urahara should've realized by now the signal from my phone died, and find that kid... Hopefully,'_ Ichigo tried to fish a lock pick case from his pocket, but the car's breaks slammed, sending Ichigo hard against the back of the trunk and something heavy hit the side of his head and Ichigo groaned feeling blood trickle down the side of his face and he closed his eyes.

**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Ichigo groaned rolling onto his back, and gritted his teeth, he couldn't move his legs, they were tied together. Not that it was that big of a problem, he could handle Gin on his own. Ichigo wasn't drugged like the first time, he could over power Gin, he knew it.

Ichigo opened his eyes and looked around, a nice hotel room, or apartment, Ichigo wasn't sure which. Ichigo forced himself to sit up, even though his head throbbed. His shirt was gone, and so was his belt, his pockets were empty, and his shoes and socks were gone.

"I'm kinda disappointed in you Ichigo," Gin said walking into the room. "After getting away, and living, you just went and messed up three years of your life with drugs, and abuse," Gin set a glass of water on the table next to the bed and Ichigo looked at him. "I killed that guy, Ikkaku, for you," Gin leaned down and Ichigo pulled away. " I know why now, that Kaname had been so protective of you, you're perfect," Gin said walking to the end of the bed and stood, just staring at Ichigo. "I've waited for you, I searched for you, and now, I found you again, and I'm not letting you go,"

Gin knelt on the end of the bed and Ichigo moved away, towards the edge of the bed. When Gin was barely a few inches away, Ichigo grabbed the glass and smashed it across Gin's face shattering it, sending pieces into Gin's face, and Ichigo's hands.

Ichigo gritted his teeth and pushed Gin away, who was yelling and holding his face. Ichigo didn't waste time, he tugged on the ropes binding his legs and got them loose. He managed to get off the bed, when Gin recovered and grabbed a handful of his hair, and threw him into the wall, smashing his face; making blood run down his nose. Ichigo gritted his teeth as Gin pushed up against his back. "I'm glad I didn't drug you now, it's going to be so much more fun with you fighting me the whole time," Gin said wrapping his arm tightly around Ichigo's neck. " I heard you liked it rough when you were with that Ikkaku guy," Gin licked Ichigo's ear and Ichigo gritted his teeth, trying not to loose the strangled breath he had. "I can be rough too Ichigo, I like it when I can make my lover feel pleasure and pain," Gin tossed Ichigo across the room. Ichigo landed on his left wrist wrong and it snapped. Ichigo bit his bottom lip, and pushed himself up as Gin walked towards him.

"Fuck you," Ichigo said kicking Gin's legs out from under him. Gin hit the ground with a heavy thud, and Ichigo jumped on his chest, bringing his elbows down hard and cracking Gin's ribs, before pressing his forearm down hard on Gin's neck, and holding it tightly, tightening his legs' hold on Gin's sides as Gin thrashed, trying to throw Ichigo off him before he choked to death.

Ichigo glared down at Gin pressing all of his weight down on Gin's neck.

Slowly Gin stopped struggling, and his eyes turned dull and Ichigo rolled off his body, and kicked him hard, rolling Gin so he was face first on the floor. Ichigo was panting hard, and his hands were shaking, which hurt his left wrist, the handcuffs clinked together softly and Ichigo leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath, before he stood slowly on shaking legs. He walked over to where his stuff was and unlocked the handcuffs and walked over to Gin, who's chest was barely moving and handcuffed Gin's arms behind his back. Ichigo dressed slowly and put his gun holster back on carefully then walked back into the room and grabbed Gin, dragging his body into the kitchen and trying him to the kitchen table. Ichigo wiped blood from his nose from when his face had hit the wall and sniffed staring down at Gin.

Ichigo had half a mind to pull his guns from their places and shoot Gin until both clips were empty, but he didn't. Ichigo looked around and walked over to the sink and turned it on, and washed his face carefully, and gritted his teeth at the pain in his nose, thankfully it wasn't broken though. Ichigo pulled a chair away from the table and sat in it backwards in front of Gin, he didn't have to contact Urahara right away, he could just sit here, torture Gin for a while, pack back for what Gin had done to him.

Ichigo knew how to inflict pain that didn't leave marks, or that didn't kill. Ichigo knew he could shoot Gin without killing him as well if he wanted to. Ichigo sat in silence until Gin came around, and looked up at him.

"You surprised me," Gin muttered. "I thought you'd kill me,"

"I'm still thinking about that," Ichigo admitted, pulling a gun from it's holster below his right arm. "There are ten bullets in this clip y'know,"

"Really? It' only takes one to kill a man," Gin said licking his lips. Shards of glass were still embedded into the side of his face, some shards were still in Ichigo's hands to, but he ignored the pain it caused him.

"Yea, it does," Ichigo looked at Gin. "I know a slimy snake like you could easily escape from prison so I'm wondering if it's even worth calling, and saying you're alive, or if I should just put a bullet in your forehead, and save everyone the trouble,"

Gin chuckled. "Could you really do it? Could you really shot me Ichigo?"

A twisted smile formed on Ichigo's lips and he pointed the gun at Gin's left knee, and pulled the trigger, the gun shot rang through the room, and blood sprayed onto the floor. Gin yelled throwing his head back. "Of course I can," Ichigo replied. "Huh... this gun really is better then the old ones," Ichigo examined the gun, until Gin's breathing evened out again, Ichigo looked at him. "What? You think because I was weak before, and let you do what ever the fuck you wanted with me, that I'm still the same?"

Gin laughed. "You can shot me, but can't kill me can you?" Gin asked. "Why?"

"Consider it an early Christmas present," Ichigo stood slowly and walked over to the phone on the wall and picked it up, and dialed Urahara's number.

'_Hello?'_

"I've got him,"Ichigo said.

"_Is he alive?"_ Urahara asked.

Ichigo looked over his shoulder. "Need proof?" Ichigo walked over and knelt down sticking the barrel of his gun into the hole in Gin's knee, making the man roar through gritted teeth. Ichigo held the phone out for Urahara to hear, then put it back to his ear. "I'm not sure where we're at, can you track the call?"

"_Of course, just keep him alive until we get there"_ Urahara said.

"Sure, sure," Ichigo said. Ichigo set the phone on the counter and looked at Gin who was wheezing. "Broken ribs are a bitch aren't they?" Ichigo asked

"I guess a little of myself rubbed off on you, huh Ichigo?" Gin asked and Ichigo gritted his teeth.

"I'm nothing like you," Ichigo hissed. Gin chuckled and Ichigo roared and kicked Gin in the face, and blood sprayed from his mouth. Ichigo stood panting hard as Gin slumped to the floor panting, unconscious again. "Say it again, and I'll take out your other knee," Ichigo said rubbing the sweat from his brow and walked from the kitchen into connected living room. He paced trying to calm himself, waiting, and waiting for the knock on the door, for Urahara to come and take the fucking monster away from him, so that it'd all be over, so Ichigo could finally let it go, knowing Gin would be put to death for what he did during the war.

It took over an hour, until Urahara came in with a team. Two medics went over and stabilized Gin, while one worked on Ichigo, while Urahara looked over.

"If you have something to say, say it damnit," Ichigo said.

"I don't know what to say to you," Urahara said.

"How about '_Thanks for not killing Gin'_," Ichigo said looking up at Urahara said.

"You destroyed his knee," Urahara said.

"They don't do much walking in prison do they?" Ichigo asked bitterly.

A small smile formed on Urahara's lips. "Good work Ichigo," He said and Ichigo looked at him. "Get cleaned up at my place, I'll get some clothes for you, then go see your family,"

Ichigo stood slowly, nursing his wrist that was now wrapped in bandages and walked out of the apartment, following Urahara as the others put Gin into a truck, and drove off. Urahara drove Ichigo, who stayed silent. Until they got to Urahara's place.

" So nothing happened to my family right?" Ichigo asked watching Urahara turn on the lights in the large marble bathroom.

"They didn't have any problems, and were glad to hear you are better," Urahara said setting a towel on the counter for Ichigo.

"Don't tell them I'm coming home just yet, I've still got other things to take care of," Ichigo said.

"You mean Kaname," Urahara said.

"Yea," Ichigo said.

"Alright," Urahara said and left the bathroom, closing the door. Ichigo sighed and closed his eyes.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

**End of Chapter 9**

Yay! Chapter 9 done, for those of you who remember, the original story only had 9 chapters, and this one is going to have 11 I think, I'm not sure, it depends on wether or not I mash two chapters together or not. But I most likely will, so Gin is taken care of, surprised? Ichigo didn't kill him, but he almost did, but he is a good guy, so no killing Gin. Maybe next time huh?

Anyways, thanks for reading, I hope you've enjoyed, please review and comment, and don't forget to check out my Naruto fan fic, and vote for Naruto's seme!

ConsantSnow


	10. Chapter 10

Warning: This chapter contains character death, and other mature themes that some readers may not be comfortable with. So read with caution.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any related characters or themes, more over this story is fan fiction and in no way reflects the views of the creator of Bleach.

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'_Who knew that knocking on a door..... could be so difficult?' _ Ichigo thought standing outside of Kaname's condo. Ichigo bit his lip and forced himself to knock on the light blue door, and he waited, until it opened slowly.

"Can I help you?" A woman dressed in scrubs asked.

"I'm here to see Kaname," Ichigo muttered.

"Oh... you must be the one Mr. Tousen has been talking about," The woman smiled softly. "I'm Unohana, his personal nurse," She let Ichigo into the room, and Ichigo's chest grew tight.

"How sick is Kaname?" Ichigo asked.

"I'm afraid he's only got a few more weeks," Unohana said quietly.

"What does he have?" Ichigo asked.

"Cancer," Unohana said and Ichigo bit his bottom lip.

"Where is he?" Ichigo asked.

"His treatment is finishing, please wait here until he's done," Unohana said and Ichigo sat down on the couch. "Can I get you anything?" She asked. "Some thing to drink? You look pale,"

"Sure," Ichigo muttered. Unohana gave a him a small smile, and went into the kitchen.

"How do you know Mr. Tousen." She asked.

Ichigo frowned, not sure really how to answer the question. " We meet when I was traveling for work," Ichigo said taking the glass of ice tea from the dark haired woman.

"He's told me many stories about his travels," Unohana said sitting next to Ichigo. "I take it your name is Ichigo right?" She asked and Ichigo nodded. "He truly loves you, coming here, even though the travel was bad for his health. True love is very touching," She smiled as Ichigo looked into the glass.

"There's no chance he's going to pull through is there?" Ichigo asked quietly.

"I'm afraid not," Unohana said. "Mr. Tousen was very calm when he learned of his illness, and only wanted one thing," She said.

"What's that?" Ichigo asked.

"To see you," Unohana said calmly.

Tears slid down Ichigo's cheeks and he closed his eyes tightly leaned forward so that his face rested against his arms and he gripped the glass he was holding. ".... Stupid bastard," Ichigo muttered, Unohana didn't hear it, but slowly took the glass from Ichigo's trembling hands and set it on the glass coffee table in front of Ichigo.

"I'll go see if he's ready to see you," Unohana said and stood slowly.

Ichigo didn't move, or say anything. He just listened to the sound of a door opening slowly, he could hear a machine or something in the bedroom, and balled his hands into fist. A few minutes later, the noise died down, and Unohana came back out.

"He'll be out in a minute, will you join him for lunch?" Unohana asked and Ichigo looked up at her. "I'm making pasta," She said.

"Sure," Ichigo said.

"Unohana makes wonderful food,"

Ichigo looked up, at Kaname standing in the door way of his room. Ichigo had just seen him a few days ago, but could see a major difference, Kaname's face was sunken. Ichigo didn't know what he should say, he just stared as Kaname carefully made his way to the couch and sat slowly.

" I'm glad that you came back," Kaname said.

"I had to," Ichigo said, letting Kaname come over and take his hand. Kaname was cold and his skin felt strange like paper.

Kaname sighed heavily. "Ichigo, my time is short here," He said and Ichigo tightened his grip on Kaname's hand. "And I wanted to apologize for everything that happened," Kaname said.

Tears started running down Ichigo's cheeks again and he closed his eyes tightly. "Don't,"

"I need to," Kaname said, and turned to look into the kitchen.

"I'll run to the store," Unohana said with a soft smile. "I'll be back soon," She said and Kaname nodded, but didn't speak until the door closed.

"How long have you been dying?" Ichigo asked.

"Since I meet you," Kaname said and Ichigo let out a strangled sob. Kaname moved closer and put his other hand on top of Ichigo's head as Ichigo leaned forward, his head resting on Kaname's chest.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ichigo asked.

"I wanted to, but you had so many other things going on, my health wasn't important," Kaname said running his fingers slowly through Ichigo's hair again and again, trying to sooth Ichigo. " I thought I was going to die after I let you go that I never felt bad about not telling you. But when I survived the bombing, I couldn't let myself die until I told you everything," Kaname said and Ichigo gripped his shirt tightly. "Do not cry," Kaname whispered.

"How can I not cry Kaname? You're dying, and you're still messing with my head," Ichigo said.

Kaname smiled softly. "I'm sorry Ichigo," Kaname said, and Ichigo's chest grew tight. "But I will let you go, and you will be able to look forward to the rest of your life with the one you love, and think no more of me, you'll no longer be in any more pain," Kaname said and Ichigo looked up at him.

"I-I don't want you to die," Ichigo said, and again Kaname smiled softly.

"You're still so sweet Ichigo," Kaname whispered cupping Ichigo's face in his hands and moving his fingers over the soft flesh of Ichigo's cheeks. "You were fighting, you have a scratch on your face,"

"I caught Gin," Ichigo said quietly. "Two days ago,"

"Good, now you've only got one ghost of your past left," Kaname said. "I'm sorry for being the one to hurt you the longest,"

"Stop, " Ichigo said hanging his head again.

"What?" Kaname asked.

"Apologizing, I cant stand it Kaname," Ichigo said.

Kaname ran a thumb over Ichigo's lips, and Ichigo looked up at him, "Your lips quiver used to quiver when ever you spoke my name, they still do," Kaname said. "When you say the name of your new lover... Do your lips quiver for his name as well?" Kaname asked.

Ichigo closed his eyes. "Renji," Ichigo muttered and Kaname ran his thumbs over Ichigo's lips again.

"Yes they do," Kaname smiled. "More so then when you ever spoke my name, you truly love him,"

"Yes I do," Ichigo said.

"Can I meet him?" Kaname asked and Ichigo looked at him. "I want to thank him,"

"He'd kill you," Ichigo said and Kaname smiled.

"He'd kill a dying man out of jealousy?" Kaname asked.

"Yes," Ichigo said.

"Then he is a good lover, he is better then I, because I could not kill to protect you," Kaname said.

"I don't think he'd want to meet you," Ichigo said.

"Tell him, that if he meets with me, you will be free, because I shall die," Kaname said and Ichigo closed his eyes tightly, pain formed on his face, and Kaname felt it beneath his fingertips. "Ichigo, do not make that face, I have accepted my death, I yearn for it,"

"Don't say that damnit!" Ichigo snapped. "You shouldn't want to die!"

"It is my fate," Kaname said.

"Screw fate," Ichigo sobbed burying his face once again in Kaname's chest, taking in the familiar scent deeply and sobbed again. "Kaname,"

"It's alright, death is nothing to fear Ichigo," Kaname said wrapping his arms around Ichigo softly. "I'm not in any pain, and I do not fear it,"

Ichigo pulled away and looked into Kaname's eyes. "Why?" Ichigo asked.

"Because, I meet you, I was granted the ability to love someone more then life, and as long as they live on, my life has fulfilled it's purpose," Kaname rubbed Ichigo's cheek softly, and he leaned closer, pressing his lips against Ichigo's cheek. "So thank you," Kaname whispered.

Ichigo wrapped trembling arms around Kaname's shoulders and closed his eyes tightly.

Kaname wrapped his arms around Ichigo, pulling him against him. "You're still so small Ichigo," Kaname whispered. Ichigo leaned against Kaname, laying between Kaname's legs, sliding his arms down to rest under his head against Kaname's chest. Kaname's arms wrapped around Ichigo's waist. Kaname smiled softly leaning so he was propped up against the armrest. "I remember when I used to hold you like this, after we made love Ichigo," Kaname said as Ichigo closed his eyes, his tears falling onto the fabric that covered Kaname's stomach.

_**Flashback*******************_

_Kaname thrust up slowly, a hand on Ichigo's hip, the other running slowly up Ichigo's chest. Ichigo leaned his head back against Kaname's shoulder, his soft panting breath against Kaname's jaw; Ichigo's arms wrapped around Kaname's neck carefully._

_Ichigo trembled as he came, letting out a soft cry as his release splashed onto his chest and Kaname smeared it across his skin. Kaname moaned softly thrusting deeper into Ichigo, until he found his own release, spilling it inside Ichigo._

_The two stayed connected intimately for a long time, their hands roaming over each other's bodies, Kaname's lips moving over the back of Ichigo's neck and his shoulders. _

_They pulled apart, and Kaname leaned back against the headboard and Ichigo moved between his legs, resting his head on Kaname's chest, Kaname wrapped his arms around Ichigo's body that was still trembling. Kaname closed his eyes._

_"I love you Kaname," Ichigo whispered and Kaname's chest grew tight._

_"I love you as well Ichigo," Kaname whispered back and felt Ichigo's trembling stop as the teen found sleep. Kaname however didn't sleep, he couldn't, Ichigo was going to be sent away in a few days, to where Kaname didn't know, but he feared for Ichigo. Kaname ran his hand up Ichigo's back, and through his hair, and Ichigo sighed in his sleep, pulling himself closer against Kaname's body. The feel of still his hot naked skin warmed the sleeping teen into comfort. "I love you Ichigo," Kaname repeated closing his eyes._

_Two days later, Kaname took Ichigo from his room._

_"Where are you taking me?" Ichigo whispered._

_"Keep you voice down and keep moving Ichigo," Kaname said leading Ichigo with skill through the halls, keeping out of sight of anyone patrolling the halls._

_"What's wrong Kaname?" Ichigo asked gripping Kaname's hand tighter. "Tell me, I can see it in your face, what's wrong?"_

_"I'm taking you away," Kaname said and Ichigo's brow furrowed._

_"Why?" Ichigo asked._

_Kaname opened a heavy door, and pulled Ichigo across the compound's yard and out the large gate. "Just keep moving Ichigo," Kaname said_

_"Tell me Kaname," Ichigo pleaded as they entered a wooded area. Ichigo began to struggle, and Kaname slowed._

_"Aizen wants to send you away, I cannot protect you if you are away from me," Kaname said. "So I'm sending you back to your country," Kaname said._

_"No," Ichigo started struggling more. "I don't want to be away from you Kaname," ........_

_**T****hey traveled for two days, staying within the woods, the whole time, Ichigo struggling, pleading with Kaname.**_

_"Do not fight me Ichigo," Kaname said pulling Ichigo down hill. "You don't belong here, and you know it," Kaname said. "You belong in your country, where you're free,"_

_"Then come with me," Ichigo said as Kaname's pace finally slowed._

_"I belong here," Kaname said, he could feel vibrations in the ground from explosions a few miles off. He knew he'd be behind the lines of his enemy, those who were allied to Ichigo's country. He swallowed, tightening his grip on Ichigo's trembling hand. "I belong here Ichigo,"_

_"No, you belong at my side Kaname, I can't live without you," Ichigo said moving against Kaname. "Please don't send me away," _

_Kaname ran his hand carefully over Ichigo's cheek. "You were never mine to keep Ichigo," Kaname said quietly, ignoring the vibrations of a second wave of soldiers coming. "You were never meant to be mine," Kaname said and tears streamed down Ichigo's face. "I'm sorry," He said and hit Ichigo in the back of the neck. Ichigo went limp in his arms, and Kaname held him close to his chest, he could hear the soldiers coming now, and knew when the sun rose over the hill, that they'd be able to see him. Kaname knelt slowly and laid Ichigo on the ground, slipping his military id back into his pocket. He moved his hand over Ichigo's face, far enough it didn't brush against Ichigo's skin, but close enough Kaname could feel the teen's heat and breath on his palm. "I love you Ichigo, my angel, be safe, live long," Kaname leaned down and pressed his lips against Ichigo's then stood, and vanished into the woods as the sun rose, and trucks drove closer._

_A few stopped, and began moving around the remains of the battle and a man moved over Ichigo. _

_"We've got a live one!" The man knelt down and began searching Ichigo's pockets. "American! He looks alright," The man said, and another man came over._

_"What's with this uniform? It's not American standard," The man knelt down and took Ichigo's id from the other man. "Strange, but I'll call it in, see if Americans are looking for this kid," _

_Kaname shifted from where he was hidden, listening to the voice for a few more minutes, then turned his back and started walking away._

_**End***********************_

Unohana came back into the condo and smiled seeing Ichigo asleep against Kaname, who was staring blindly out the window.

"Do you want me to move him to the guest bedroom?" Unohana said.

"No, it's fine," Kaname said quietly.

Unohana nodded and went into the kitchen.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

Renji bit his bottom lip and closed the thick books he'd been studying from. Urahara said that Ichigo had taken care of Gin, but still had a few other things to take care of. It'd been three days, and Renji was worried.

Ichigo hadn't come back, even after he had promised Renji he would. Renji closed his eyes tightly and sighed rubbing his face.

"You should really get some rest," Isshin said coming into the kitchen.

"I'm not tired," Renji said.

"Have you ever heard the expression that a watched pot never boils?" Isshin asked.

"Yea," Renji said.

"Then stop watching," Isshin said fixing his collar. "Will you really be alright watching the girls for me?" He asked and Renji looked up at him.

"Yea, they aren't that hard to watch over," Renji said.

"Alright, but get some sleep, it's five a.m. and you've been studying since six last night," Isshin said.

"Later," Renji said.

Isshin sighed. "Fine," He put his hand on Renji's shoulder for a moment then left. A few minutes later Renji heard the door of Isshin's truck slam, and the engine turn over, then silence.

Renji stood slowly, and yawned walking up the stairs to Ichigo's old room, and laid on the bed, not bothering to get under the blankets, and he closed his eyes.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

Ichigo woke up but didn't sit up. It was the third night he'd stayed at Kaname's. They had done nothing but talk, open old wounds, that exhausted Ichigo mentally and physically, and then Ichigo would fall asleep, then wake up in the bedroom next to Kaname's.

Ichigo sat up slowly and sighed, seeing folded clothes at the end of the bed. He got up slowly and put them on, they were to big for him, Kaname's, Ichigo could tell by the smell. Ichigo closed his eyes, pulling the shirt up against his face and inhaled slowly, guilt filled him though as he thought of Renji, and tears threatened to fall.

Ichigo let the shirt fall back into place and walked into the living room, Unohana smiled at him from the kitchen.

"Did you sleep well?" Unohana asked.

"Yes," Ichigo said rubbing his arm. "Kaname isn't up yet?" He asked.

"He's feeling worse then usual, so is staying in bed until breakfast is ready," Unohana said sadly.

Ichigo closed his eyes. "He's going faster," He muttered.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Unohana said. "Within the next few days I'm afraid," She said.

Pain tugged at Ichigo's heart and he slid down against the wall, his knees to his chest and tears slid down his cheeks. Unohana had already gotten used to Ichigo breaking down and crying, and her maternal instinct took over, she walked from the kitchen and over to Ichigo, kneeling and pulling him against her.

"It is alright dear," Unohana said holding Ichigo tightly, and he clung onto the back of her shirt. She muttered soft comforting words until Ichigo calmed, then she helped him sit at the kitchen table, and finished cooking breakfast, then set the two plates on the table and went to wake Kaname.

Ichigo could tell the difference in Kaname's walk, he was limping. Ichigo's chest hurt more, and he looked up. Although pain didn't show on Kaname's face, his illness did, he sat weakly across from Ichigo, and Ichigo covered his mouth looking down.

"Ichigo," Kaname said quietly and Ichigo's breath hitched and he whimpered as tears ran over his hand and hit the table's glossed top. "Please, don't cry anymore for me," Kaname's voice was calm, but Ichigo could sense a difference in it and he leaned forward, putting his other hand over his mouth trying to muffle the sob that escaped his lips. "I feel no pain, my love," Kaname said and Ichigo's face distorted in pain and Unohana placed her hands on his shoulders, rubbing the back of his neck softly.

"Mr. Tousen," Unohana said softly and Kaname said no more.

Ichigo didn't touch his food, but when he calmed again, he went out onto the balcony, wrapping Kaname's coat tighter around him. Kaname had returned to his room for his medicine. Ichigo shivered in the cold feeling snow hit his face as he held his eyes shut tightly. Unohana came out onto the balcony.

"Can I do anything for you Ichigo, while I'm running my errands?" Unohana asked and Ichigo shook his head.

"Just.... make sure you get enough food for another person," Ichigo said.

Unohana smiled softly. "Of course," She ran her hand up and down Ichigo's back a few times, then left.

Ichigo reached into his pants pocket, and took out his cell. He typed up the address and a time a few hours from now, and sent it to Renji before snapping his phone closed again.

He closed his eyes again, Kaname was almost gone, and Ichigo wanted Kaname to know Renji would take his place completely......

Ichigo wrapped his arms around himself tightly, listening as Unohana opened the door, letting Renji in. Renji found Ichigo quickly, and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"I was worried," Renji whispered. "Why didn't you get a hold of me sooner?" He asked cupping Ichigo's face. "You've been crying," Renji rubbed Ichigo's eyes slowly. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

"Of course I did,"

Renji looked up at Kaname. "What do you mean?" Renji said standing slowly.

"He's dying Renji," Ichigo said quietly, and Renji looked down at him. Ichigo bit his bottom lip.

"I am Kaname Tousen," Kaname walked over slowly, and Renji stared at him, "I was Ichigo's lover," He said simply and Renji gritted his teeth.

"No, you weren't," Renji said. "You're nothing more then a bastard that took advantage of him. And I'm glad you're fucking dying,"

Ichigo flinched, but Kaname smiled softly. "You are a good man," Kaname said. "You deserve Ichigo's love, much more then I did,"

"Kaname," Ichigo muttered.

"Don't say a word to him Ichigo," Renji said kneeling back down in front of Ichigo. "Why are you here? Why are you torturing yourself like this?" Renji cupped Ichigo's face.

"He cannot be happy with you until I am dead," Kaname said. "But do not worry, it won't take much longer," He said.

Renji glared up at Kaname, then looked back down at Ichigo, who had tears sliding down his cheeks again. "Don't cry, please," Renji whispered kissing Ichigo's face softly, and slowly Ichigo's tears stopped, but he didn't open his eyes. "It's alright, I'm here Ichi, it's alright,"

Ichigo reached out, and slowly wrapped his arms around Renji's neck, pulling himself from the couch, until he was kneeling against Renji. Ichigo rested his head against Renji's neck, his breath was shaking as it rushed over Renji's neck. "Don't let go,"

"Never," Renji said wrapping his arms protectively around Ichigo's shaking body. "I'm never gonna let go again," He said.

Kaname smiled and closed his eyes, and fell to the floor. Unohana rushed over to him. Ichigo tightened his grip on Renji, who did the same to Ichigo.

"It's alright, it's alright," Renji whispered over and over and over in Ichigo's ear, rubbing soft circles on Ichigo's back.

Unohana closed her eyes and sighed, placing Kaname's arms on his stomach, and ran her hand over his face. "He's gone," She said quietly.

Ichigo whimpered, pushing his face against Renji's neck. Renji held him tighter. "Don't cry," Renji whispered.

Renji lifted Ichigo up, and let Ichigo curl against his chest as he sank carefully onto the couch, Unohana made several phone calls, and soon people started coming into the house, Ichigo fell asleep against Renji, curled up like a child, Renji just rubbed Ichigo's back, watching as the people moved around, and then as Kaname's body was taken from the house.

Unohana waited, for a few hours until again the condo was empty. "There is a will," She said quietly, pulling an envelope from a draw of a bookshelf. She turned and looked at Renji. "He left his things, everything to Ichigo, he had no other family, no other lover,"

Renji looked down at Ichigo. "It should really wait," Renji said.

"Of course," Unohana said setting the envelope on the glass coffee table. "Please, stay as long as you need, this is your home now," She said.

"You don't have to leave," Renji said to her and she looked at him.

"I'll stay then," Unohana smiled softly and sat in the large arm chair in the corner, pulling her legs under her.

They sat in silence though, the sun started to rise and light moved through the balcony glass doors, and hit Ichigo's tear stained face. Ichigo whimpered in his sleep and pulled himself closer to Renji.

"It's alright," Renji said softly, and kissed the top of Ichigo's head then rested his head against it.

Unohana smiled, and watched as Renji fell asleep. Unohana closed her eyes then slowly stood and left, leaving the key to the front door on top of the letter with Ichigo's name written on it.

**ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ**

**End of Chapter 10**

I decided not to combine chapters 10 and 11 so there will be another chapter, this isn't the end of the story! So keep your eyes open for the last chapter which I will have posted soon. This story has such a happy ending, I promise, after all Renji and Ichigo celebrate their first Christmas as a couple together, and what better way to help someone forget they just lost a lover? Hot and heavy sex of course, but there will be fluff and plenty of time to cry at the family reunion and all that jazz. So again, keep your eyes open for the ending of Soldier. This chapter was hard to write, and so emo....

Thanks for reading, I hope you've enjoyed, please review and comment.

ConstantSnow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Warning:** This chapter will contain **graphic sex** between two men! You have been warned. There will be inappropriate use of a bathtub, kitchen counter, and a bed? Whoa....

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach, any related characters of themes, this story is purely fan fiction and in no way reflects the view of the creator of Bleach.

Please enjoy!

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Ichigo woke up against Renji's chest, still laying on the couch of Kaname's condo. He pulled himself from Renji's arms and went into Kaname's bed room.

The room reminded him so much of Kaname that it hurt, it was simple, clean and calm. Ichigo wrapped his arms around himself and went over to the bed, it was clean, and made nicely, most like Unohana's doing.... Ichigo bit his bottom lip and looked around the room, until his eyes fell on a picture frame on the dresser across from the bed. Ichigo went over to it, and lifted it carefully, looking at it.... It was him.... A picture of him, where Kaname had gotten it Ichigo wasn't sure, but it wasn't to long ago, but at the same time the picture looked like it was from forever ago, Ichigo had a big stupid grin on his face, giving the camera a piece sign, he was dressed in his military uniform.

'_Where did he get this?'_ Ichigo thought.

Arms snaked around Ichigo's waist and Renji took the picture from his hands and put it face down on the dresser.

"Forget about him," Renji said kissing down Ichigo's neck.

"You'll have to make me.... Renji," Ichigo closed his head and leaned his head away as Renji sucked on his neck hard, making his skin turn red.

"I'll fuck you right here on his bed," Renji said sliding his hand up Ichigo's shirt. "And you're scream my name, not his," Renji growled huskily and Ichigo shivered.

"Renji," Ichigo muttered then moaned his eyes closing as Renji's hand slid into his pants and gripped him tightly.

"He didn't really love you Ichigo," Renji said. "Only I do, and I'm all that matters," Renji yanked Ichigo's pants off and Ichigo squirmed.

"N-no," Ichigo said and Renji growled and tossed Ichigo onto the bed, and straddled his lap.

"Yes, Ichigo," Renji growled pulling Ichigo's shirt off and wrapping it around Ichigo's wrists.

"R-Renji," Ichigo moaned as Renji circled his tongue around Ichigo's nipple, tugging at the barbell stud in it.

"Say that you never loved him," Renji growled pulling off his own shirt.

"I-I can't," Ichigo said.

"Yes you can, because it's true," Renji growled grinding his hips against Ichigo's. Ichigo pressed his head back into the pillows and arched his hips up against Renji's. "Say it Ichigo," Renji demanded.

"I can't," Ichigo said. Renji growled and flipped Ichigo over, pulling his boxers off and tossed them onto the floor. "N-no Renji," Ichigo bit down on the pillow as Renji pushed two fingers into Ichigo, thrusting them in and out hard and fast. Ichigo cried out into the pillow as Renji hit his prostate.

"You can say it Ichigo," Renji leaned over Ichigo, lifting his face from the pillow. Tears were sliding down Ichigo's cheeks and Renji licked them away, before forcing his lips against Ichigo's, thrusting three fingers back into Ichigo who cried out against Renji's lips. Ichigo threw his head back panting, and Renji flipped him roughly onto his side, then pulled his clothes off quickly. Renji pulled one of Ichigo's legs up and over his shoulder, and lined himself up with Ichigo's hole and thrust in hard and Ichigo screamed throwing his head back.

"RENJI!" Ichigo reached up and gripped the headboard panting hard as Renji easily filled his tight damp warmth.

"Scream for me again, Ichigo," Renji growled thrusting hard into Ichigo who threw his head back moaning loudly. Renji gripped Ichigo's leg, bitting at the back of his knee and as he thrust hard into Ichigo who panted hard, head thrown back. Renji shifted and drove himself deeper into Ichigo, hitting Ichigo's prostate and Ichigo screamed again, saliva running down his chin, and tears sliding down his cheeks. Renji leaned forward thrusting faster into Ichigo, gripping the headboard above Ichigo's hands. "Say my name Ichigo," Renji said.

Ichigo moaned. "Renji....!" Ichigo cried out and Renji crashed his lips down against Ichigo's, forcing his tongue into Ichigo's mouth and groaned as Ichigo quivered around his cock. "H-harder Ren-ji," Ichigo cried and Renji moved harder ignoring the pale red that coated his cock as he dry fucked Ichigo. Ichigo arched his back and came splattering the pale blue sheets of Kaname's bed.

Renji pulled out and flipped Ichigo onto his stomach, and thrust back into him. Ichigo cried out against the pillows, and gripped the sheets tightly, his blunt nails tearing them slightly. Renji moaned, sucking on Ichigo's shoulder blade, gripping Ichigo's hips hard, thrusting hard and fast. Ichigo writhed beneath Renji leaning his head back against Renji's shoulder.

"M-more... Renji!" Ichigo pleaded reaching back and gripped Renji's hair tightly.

Renji bit down on Ichigo's neck, marking him and drawing blood and forced Ichigo to raise his hip before pounding into him. Ichigo cried out.

"R-Renji!" Ichigo screamed.

"Ichigo," Renji moaned reaching around Ichigo's hip and grabbed Ichigo's cock, pumping it almost painfully hard. "Come for me again Ichigo," Renji said huskily in Ichigo's ear. "Come, Ichigo," Renji demanded.

"Renji!" Ichigo cried, and came again, coating Renji's hand in hot release. Ichigo slumped down on the bed trembling, but Renji didn't stop. He flipped Ichigo onto his back, and Ichigo looked up at him with tear coated, lust glazed eyes.

"We're not done," Renji said lifting Ichigo's legs up, so his knees pressed against Renji's chest. Ichigo moaned as Renji filled him again. "Not until you forget his name," Renji thrust hard and Ichigo screamed, reaching forward and pressed his hands against Renji's broad chest, his nails leaving scratches that trickled with blood. Renji moaned panting hard and leaned down, bending Ichigo nearly in half and pressed his lips against Ichigo, who kissed him back, the kiss was more teeth and tongue then lips, it was rough and painful, but both needed it to be, blood ran down both of their chins mixed with saliva and sweat coated their bodies.

The room grew hot and it was hard to breath, Ichigo pleaded for more, and Renji gave it to him, fucking Ichigo until he reached oblivion as Renji came in him, filling him, and the white hot creamy liquid leaked from between Ichigo's legs as Renji pulled out. Renji stayed, leaning over Ichigo, letting Ichigo's legs down from his chest, and watched as Ichigo's eyes fluttered closed, his mouth hanging open.

Renji watched as Ichigo's chest rose and fell rapidly, Renji's body relaxed finally and he moved so he wasn't over Ichigo any longer. Renji got off of Kaname's bed and pulled his boxers and pants back on but didn't bother to button his pants, of fix his belt. He ran his fingers through his hair that stuck to his face, Ichigo had bulled out the hair tie and it was still held tightly in Ichigo's hand. Renji didn't bother to try and pry it from Ichigo's fingers, and loosely braided his hair before walking into the other room and turned the heat down.

Renji looked around Kaname's condo, walking slowly. Until he came back into the living room and his eyes fell on the envelope Unohana had set there. He picked it up and sat on the couch flipping it in his hands, it was thick, and Renji tore the end off and pulled the papers from it, and unfolded them. He knew it'd be several hours still before Ichigo would wake up, and they'd fuck all over again, until Ichigo again, found oblivion.

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When Ichigo woke up, he couldn't move well, he managed to roll onto his side, and whimpered breathing out heavily and ran his right leg up under his left, sliding it against the sheets. His hands gripped the pillow next to his head.

His mind was foggy, but at the same time very clear, Ichigo closed his eyes again. '_Renji,' _ He thought, and a hand ran up his side as the bed sank behind him, Renji knelt on the bed and leaned over him.

"Are you alright?" Renji asked and Ichigo looked up at him.

"Yes," Ichigo answered truthfully and Renji pressed his lips against Ichigo's and moved carefully over Ichigo, touching him softly, yet still heatedly. Ichigo's body was still sensitive, and he grew hard as Renji rubbed his inner thighs. "I need you Renji," Ichigo whispered in Renji's ear. Renji closed his eyes and sucked lightly on Ichigo's jaw, pulling his pants off and Ichigo's legs wrapped slowly and tightly around his waist.

Renji slipped himself slowly into Ichigo who arched his back and moaned, wrapping his arms around Renji's shoulders. "Are you alright?" Renji asked putting his hand on the small of Ichigo's back, supporting his pained lover.

"I need this," Ichigo whispered. "Move," He said and Renji did, thrusting slowly and hard into Ichigo who moaned sliding his hands up Renji's shoulder blades and into Renji's hair.

Their breathing became pants as their bodies moved together, making the sound of skin on skin echo through the empty condo, sweat coated their skin again and saliva ran from their mouths, coating each other's chest as they licked and sucked on each other. Renji lifted Ichigo's hips thrusting into him and Ichigo's breath hitched loudly and he moaned, nearly screaming as he came, it smeared between Renji's chest and his own as their bodies slid against each others.

"R-Renji," Ichigo said breathlessly. "I love you," Ichigo rocked his hips with Renji who growled in pleasure and licked down Ichigo's neck.

"I love you too," Renji said thrusting harder, and Ichigo cried out arching up against Renji's chest.

"Renji....!" Ichigo cried out and his walls clamped down around Renji's cock and Renji moaned releasing in Ichigo who moaned as Renji's release coated him, filling him.

Renji let Ichigo lay back on the bed carefully, holding Ichigo's head laying it against the pillows. Ichigo again slept, this time, Renji laid next to him, pulling Ichigo against his hot body, wrapping his arms around Ichigo, and slept as well.

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Renji woke when the sun light came through the curtains, he opened his eyes, and looked down at Ichigo who was still sleeping against him. Renji slid off the bed and searched around until he found his pants and pulled them on. He went into the kitchen and got a glass of water and drank it down quickly, leaning back against the counter, then sighed heavily. His body was stiff now, he rolled his shoulders and filled the glass with cold water, and searched around until he found some aspirin, he took a few himself, then went into the bedroom as he heard Ichigo stir in the bedroom.

Ichigo managed to sit up, leaning heavily against Renji who'd come in quickly enough to keep him from falling off the bed.

"Here, take these," Renji said sitting on the bed next to Ichigo's legs.

Ichigo took the glass and the white pills from Renji with shaking hands, and put the pills in his mouth, and washed them down with the water.

"Are you gonna be able to get up?" Renji asked and Ichigo shook his head. "Alright," Renji carefully slipped his hands under Ichigo's knees and the other behind Ichigo's neck and lifted Ichigo from the bed and took him into the bathroom. Renji turned the bath on warm and set Ichigo in the tub as it filled with water.

Ichigo leaned back against the tub and groaned softly closing his eyes. Renji ran his hand over Ichigo's chest slowly, rubbing water over it. Renji examined the bruises and other marks he'd left on Ichigo from the past two days, his heart felt some what guilty because of it, but at the same time, happy.... that Ichigo wanted him to mark him as Renji's.

Ichigo grabbed Renji's hand and Renji looked at him. "I love you," Ichigo whispered.

"I love you too," Renji said, leaning over the tub and pressed his lips against Ichigo's. Ichigo wrapped his arms around Renji's bare tattooed shoulders. pulling Renji into the tub, and water rushed over the side and splashed onto the tiled floor, but they didn't care. They kissed passionately running their hands over each other with new found energy and need. Renji struggled out of his pants as Ichigo ran his hands over Renji's hips. Renji groaned as Ichigo's slender fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking it softly, Renji shifted, bracing himself on the sides of the tub hanging his head as Ichigo stroked him.

Ichigo leaned up and pressed his lips against Renji's cheek, moving slowly to his mouth, and Renji's mouth covered his. Ichigo moaned as Renji reached under the water and rubbed Ichigo's cock into hardness. Ichigo thrust up into Renji's hand, more water splashed from the tub and onto the floor.

"Renji," Ichigo moaned into Renji's ear and Renji nipped on Ichigo's jaw and groaned like a hungry animal. Renji pulled Ichigo's hands from his cock, and lifted Ichigo's hips and thrust into him. Ichigo's mouth fell open in a silent cry and he wrapped his arms around Renji's shoulders.

Renji shifted, pulling Ichigo out of the water and pushed him against the tile wall, and thrust into him. Ichigo moaned tangling his fingers in Renji's wet hair, and pressed their lips together, Renji's tongue slid into Ichigo's mouth, touching every part he could, and gripped Ichigo's thigh with one hand, bracing himself against the tile wall with the other

"H-harder..... ahhHaannn.... h-harder.... ahh! Yes! Renji!" Ichigo arched his back and threw his head back as Renji assaulted his prostate again and again with each hard deep thrust. "I-I'm g-gonna cu-AhhhannnNaa!" Ichigo came splashing up on to Renji's wet chest and he rocked his hips against Renji's and Renji moaned loudly, his deep voice echoed off the walls with Ichigo's cries, filling the bathroom with the sounds of their pleasure.

They slumped back into the tub, splashing more water onto the floor, their limbs tangled together, bodies fitted together in the tub.

"I love you," Renji said running his lips over Ichigo's ear.

"I love you too Renji," Ichigo whispered.

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"Tomorrow is Christmas," Renji said wrapping his arms around Ichigo's waist as Ichigo was standing at the kitchen counter cutting food to cook.

"Yea," Ichigo said rocking his hips back against Renji who growled in pleasure, and pushed himself against the small of Ichigo's back.

"You really wanna go again?" Renji asked running his hands slowly up Ichigo's chest. "I just got done cleaning the bathroom up, don't you think we should wait a little more then two hours?"

"Do you really want to?" Ichigo asked looking over his shoulder and Renji pressed his lips against Ichigo's grinding his groin against Ichigo's ass.

"Not really," Renji said huskily. "But can you handle it?" Renji said turning Ichigo around and lifted him onto the counter.

"We'll see," Ichigo said seductively, wrapping his legs around Renji's waist, pulling him tighter between Ichigo's legs. Renji slipped his hands into Ichigo's pants and pulled them down around his knees and Ichigo unzipped Renji's pants, and let them fall down, letting Renji's erection free. Renji smiled and kissed Ichigo passionately, and pulled Ichigo's ass off the counter and slowly thrust into him, Ichigo's back arched and he reached back, gripping the cabinet above his head.

".... F-fuck," Renji growled gripping Ichigo's hip tightly. "....Ichigo,"

Ichigo reached one hand forward and gripped Renji's shoulder. " Don't go slow," Ichigo said and Renji looked up at him. "Fill me," Ichigo said.

Renji thrust and Ichigo cried out throwing his head back, Renji didn't wait for Ichigo to recover, and thrust into him again hard and fast, pushing himself as deeply into Ichigo as he could, pulled out and slammed back in. Renji reached up, slamming his fist against the cabinet to support himself and thrust harder and harder, faster and faster until Ichigo was screaming his name, writhing against him. Renji gritted his teeth and pressed his lips against Ichigo's kissing him roughly until Ichigo tore away panting hard.

"Renji!" Ichigo cried. "I love you!" Ichigo came, and Renji followed right after. They slumped against each other, bracing the counter to keep from falling.

"If we keep this up we'll both be burnt out before the week's out," Renji panted and Ichigo smiled.

"I doubt it," Ichigo wrapped his arms around Renji. "I've never known you to be one to run out of sex drive,"

Renji grinned and looked into Ichigo's eyes intensely. "It's your fault," He panted running his lips against Ichigo's neck.

" I think we should order dinner," Ichigo said glancing at the food that had some how been thrown to the floor when Renji pushed him up on the counter.

Renji laughed against Ichigo's shoulder. "Good idea," He said and slid from Ichigo who shivered. "You should go take another shower,"

"Give me a second, I can't feel my legs," Ichigo said and Renji grinned again. Renji waited a few minutes, then helped Ichigo fix his pants and get off the counter. "How can you manage that?" He asked looking at Renji.

"What?" Renji asked.

"Making my legs stop working," Ichigo said.

"Practice," Renji said and Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Go shower before I fuck you against the wall," He growled.

Ichigo blushed. "I need a break," he said rubbing his lower back as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Renji shook his head and fixed his own pants, covering his already partially hardened cock and picked up the phone to order dinner.

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Ichigo was nervous, it was the first time he'd be seeing his family in a while. Renji was in the driver's seat of Ichigo's car, and kept glancing at Ichigo who was fidgeting with the black tips of his hair, which was now long enough to have about two inches of orange that faded to black at the tips. They both had reframed from having sex this morning so that they didn't smell like sex when they got to Ichigo's family's place, and they'd both stopped at Ichigo's old apartment for clean nice clothes.

"You're gonna be fine," Renji said as Ichigo tugged on the collar of his shirt. "And you look fine, healthy. You're sisters will be happy to see you,"

"I know," Ichigo said looking at Renji. "You're with me," He said and Renji smiled and leaned over pressing his lips quickly to Ichigo's then turned the engine off and put the keys into his pocket. Both got out and went to the trunk, and opened it, pulling out a few presents for the girls. Renji nervously thumbed the small box in his coat pocket for a moment then followed Ichigo to the front door and they walked inside.

Like always Yuzu had decorated the entire house with Christmas lights and other decorations, the house smelled wonderful, and was warm.

"Hello?!" Ichigo called. "Any one home!?" He asked over the music that was playing.

The rush of footsteps filled the hall and Karin slid into the hall and froze staring at Ichigo. She shifted, her eyes turning to slits. "ICHIGO!" Karin rushed at him, tackling him to the floor.

Ichigo grimaced and looked up at Renji who was laughing at him. "Hi Karin," Ichigo said trying to ignore the pain that still hovered in his lower back.

"You big idiot! I was worried about you, you moron!" Karin said pulling in Ichigo's cheeks and hair. "You stupid idiot,"

"Merry Christmas to you too Karin,"

"Karin! You're gonna hurt him!" Yuzu said running into the hall and pulled her twin off Ichigo who sighed and sat up rubbing his side. "Ichigo!" She flung herself against him, knocking him back onto the floor with a heavy thud. "I missed you so much! You're so thin! You need food!" Yuzu said maternally looking her older brother over critically. "What did you do to your hair!? Have you not been eating?!" Yuzu continued and Ichigo grinned.

"I'm fine Yuzu really, I'd just really like to get off the floor, my back hurts," Ichigo said and Karin clamped her hands over her mouth as she burst into laughter and Yuzu blushed and stood quickly.

"Renji you pervert!" Yuzu cried. "Turning my brother into a pervert, shame on you!" She slapped Renji's arm and crossed her arms over her chest.

Ichigo stood slowly. "It's not his fault Yuzu," Ichigo said putting his hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him.

"Yes it is! You were so innocent until he stole you away!" Yuzu said and Ichigo chuckled.

"Come on, let's go into the living room," Ichigo said and Yuzu wrapped her arms around his right one and lead him from the hall, glaring back over her shoulder at Renji before turning her nose up and returned to talking to Ichigo.

"Where's dad?" Ichigo asked looking around the living room, the tree stood decorated in the left corner next to the windows, more decorations filled the walls.

"He had a phone call from the hospital, he's in his office, but will be down in a few minutes," Karin said flopping onto her favorite spot on the couch and turned the t.v. back on.

Ichigo sat down Yuzu sat next to him quickly so Renji couldn't. "Come on Yuzu, you like Renji,"

"Not anymore," Yuzu said resting her head on Ichigo's shoulder and he smiled and looked at Renji who sighed and sat on Yuzu's other side, ignoring when she kicked him in the hip.

"What's all the noise?" Isshin came into the living room, a Santa hat lopsided on his head.

"Ichigo's home," Karin said and Isshin looked down at his son, who looked up.

"Well, well, well, my son is definitely home," Isshin said. "Stand up, let me get a good look at you," He crossed his arms and Ichigo stood slowly, letting Isshin eye him. "Yes, you're my son, no doubt about that," Isshin said and Ichigo made a confused face. "Good!" Isshin said and swung his leg at Ichigo sending Ichigo sliding across the floor and held his stomach. "You've become weak! I will have to retrain you!" Isshin laughed and Ichigo lunged, punching his father in the chin.

"Crazy bastard," Ichigo said rubbing his stomach. "That hurt," he grunted looking at Isshin who pulled himself up against the back of the couch that he'd fallen over.

"Nice come back," Isshin grinned. Ichigo shook his head as his father jumped over the couch.

"You wanna go old man!?" Ichigo said through gritted teeth. But Isshin didn't hit him, but pulled him tightly into a hug.

"Welcome home son," Isshin said quietly. Ichigo closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Isshin.

"Thanks old man," Ichigo said.

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"Are the girls asleep?" Renji asked Ichigo as he walked down the stairs.

"Yea," Ichigo said.

Renji pulled Ichigo against him, and pressed his lips firmly against Ichigo's. Ichigo closed his eyes and kissed Renji back. "You know I love you more then anything right?" Renji asked running his fingers through Ichigo's hair.

"I do, and I love you too Renji," Ichigo said. "What is it?" He asked after Renji didn't say anything.

"Nothing, I'm just looking at you," Renji said lifting Ichigo's chin slightly. "You're really beautiful Ichi, and I'm glad that I have you," He said.

Ichigo smiled softly and pressed his lips against Renji's slightly. "I'm glad I've you too Renji," He said brushing his lips across Renji's strong jaw.

Renji ran his hands down Ichigo's back, and gripped his waist firmly. Ichigo looked into his eyes. "I've been wanting this for the longest time Ichi," Renji said quietly. "And I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure I never loose you, and you never get hurt again," Renji said.

"What's with you Renji?" Ichigo asked. "Everything is fine now," Ichigo said running his hands carefully over Renji's face.

"I just want to make sure, that you know how much I really love you, how much you mean to me," Renji said.

"I know," Ichigo said. "I know how much I mean to you, and want you to know, you mean just as much, if not more to me," Ichigo said.

"Then promise you'll never leave me," Renji said reaching into his pocket. "That no matters what happens, you won't pull away from me," He opened the small black velvet box, revealing two silver rings. "And I'll promise the same thing, I'll promise you my life, my love, my happiness, my everything,"

"Oh god, Renji," Ichigo said and put his hand to his mouth. "Renji," Ichigo looked at the rings then at Renji. "Of course," he said and pressed his lips against Renji's.

Renji kissed him back then, took the smaller of the two rings and slid it onto Ichigo's ring finger, then kissed Ichigo's hand softly. "I love you so much Ichigo," Renji whispered.

"I love you too," Ichigo said taking the other ring from the case and slipped it onto Renji's ring finger and then kissed Renji softly. Renji wrapped his arms tightly around Ichigo, pulling him closer, tangling his fingers in Ichigo's soft hair, breathing Ichigo in, taking in the feeling of having Ichigo against his body, a feeling that was totally his, only his for the rest of his life.

Ichigo gripped Renji's jacket tightly, not wanting to pull away, but forcing himself to take in a shaking deep breath. "I love you," Renji said and Ichigo looked up at Renji. "And I'll say it until the day I die, I love you," Renji said.

"I love you too," Ichigo said resting his head against Renji's chest. "So much, Renji,"

The sound of giggling caused Renji and Ichigo to look up at the top of the stairs where Yuzu and Karin knelt, their hands over each others mouths, Isshin had a video camera in his hands, the recording light blinking. Ichigo blushed but a smile formed on his lips.

"Give him another big kiss Renji," Isshin said.

Renji grinned and pulled Ichigo into another deep kiss. Ichigo was surprised at first but kissed Renji back happily.

"Now we've got two brothers!" Yuzu cried clapping her hands together.

"Two apple headed stubborn jack asses is more like it," Karin said crossing her arms. "But they'll do," She said. Karin stood slowly, grabbing Yuzu and Isshin's shirts. "Come on, we've bugged them enough," She said pulling them away.

Ichigo started laughing putting his head against Renji's chest. " I have a feeling we'll be seeing that video in a few years," He said

"Yea," Renji said laughing and wrapping his arms around Ichigo's waist. " I don't mind though," Renji said.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Ichigo asked and Renji looked down at him. "It's nice out," he said and Renji chuckled.

"Sure," Renji said and the two walked from the house, holding hands tightly, walking closely, looking at the Christmas lights, and the snow that started to fall, giving a new coat of soft white. Renji wrapped his arm around Ichigo, spinning him around and pressed his lips to Ichigo, who kissed him back, placing a hand on Renji's chest over his heart. Renji put his hand over Ichigo's that was on his chest, their rings shining softly in the moon light.

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***Six Months Later***

"I fucking hate this thing," Ichigo muttered trying to fix the collar of his military uniform. Renji looked over his shoulder at Ichigo.

"Let me do it then," Renji said walking over and Ichigo turned to him, and began fixing Ichigo's collar. "Are you nervous?" Renji asked.

"Not really," Ichigo said looking down at Renji.

"Your medals' are lopsided," Renji chuckled.

"Alright, maybe I'm a little nervous," Ichigo said watching Renji's hands as he fixed the medals that covered Ichigo's chest. "I mean, generals usually aren't my age, and they want to put me in charge of a whole base, how can I not be nervous an-" Renji pressed his lips against Ichigo, and the tension in Ichigo's body relaxed and he sighed as Renji pulled away. "I'll calm down," He said quietly.

"Good," Renji smiled pulling Ichigo's sleeves to get the wrinkles out of them. "You look good," Renji said.

"It's just the uniform," Ichigo said and Renji grinned.

"The uniform is just a bonus," Renji said and turned the collar or his white shirt down. "Ready General Kurosaki?" He asked.

Ichigo smiled. "As ready as I'll ever be," Ichigo said.

"Lead on," Renji said.

Ichigo pressed his lips to Renji's quickly, before leading him from the hotel room, to the first floor ball room, applause filled the room as Ichigo walked up onto the stage, and shook hands with Urahara who was also dressed in military uniform. Renji moved over to where Isshin, Yuzu and Karin were standing and crossed his arms proudly, watching as Urahara pinned stars to the shoulders of Ichigo's jacket.

Ichigo's eyes gazed around the room, until they fell on Renji's, and they stared at each other for a long while, and then Ichigo smiled widely.

A strong man. A happy lover. A proud soldier.

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**End of Soldier**

Thanks for reading, I hope that you've really enjoyed reading this story, and I hope that the ending was much better this time around, and that I fixed most of the mistakes from the first verison of Soldier that I may have made, and that this story is to you're liking.

Oh my god, Kaname's bed, and his counter and his bathtub! They will never be the same again! Poor man's dead and Renji's fucking Ichigo in his bed, that bites ^_^ Anyways I hope you liked the crazy smut, and I'm gonna pass out from lack of blood pretty soon, so I'll be quick.

This story is over, sadly, but I will be posting a TousenxIchigo story, as well as continuing to up date Voice, my Naruto fan fic, so please keep your eyes opened, and watching for the up dates.

Thank you so much for reading, please feel free to leave reviews and comments, as well as request for future fan fics, I'll write one for any story, manga, anime or movie I've read or know about, so don't be afraid to ask, I love to write fan fic!

Thanks again for reading.

ConstantSnow


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